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My partner and anxiety


New Member
Jan 11, 2021
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Hello, My name is Jess and I am dating a person who experiences a lot of anxiety in many forms. There is a particular occurrence that has been complicated our relationship lately and I am really not sure what type of anxiety is causing it or how to speak to my partner about it.
Every time I ask my partner to do something they forgot to do for instance chores, or help/ teach them how to do something they don't know how to do they get upset with me. They have explained that they experience negative self-talk because they feel like they aren't good enough. The problem is no matter how calm, kind, and gentle I am they still get upset with me. I have been careful to avoid language such as bad, not enough, poorly, and use language such as not yet finished, to work on, while expressing my thanks and gratitude while they are doing the task or praise them while they are learning to do it. But nothing seems to be working and idk how to ask them to do things like wash their dishes or show them how to roll the cuffs on their pants? They cry just when I ask them to do their dishes or when I tried to teach them how to roll the cuffs on their pant leg? What do I do and how should I talk to them about these things? Is there a particular way I should be asking, or language I should not use? Are there boundaries I need to set or should I simply be supportive?

If anyone has experience with this I really need advice or resources if there is anywhere specifically that has good advice for these things.


Well-Known Member
Apr 14, 2019
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Hey Jess. His background might have been in a verbally abusive family. You grow up hearing how useless you are, you begin to accept what you are hearing. I am not sure if he ever went anywhere to get any kind of help for his problems? Lord knows we all have our problems. Some worse than others. But I would never use mine as an excuse for not doing things. If I am to be honest from what I have read, it seems like when asked to do anything he falls back on his anxiety to get out of doing it. I just see that as wrong. There are two of you in a relationship. Each has to play their part. If I was talking to him I would bring up the relationship. What it takes to make a relationship work. Meeting each other half way on everything. Both in sharing the work load and been able to talk to each other. No secrets. If he is having a bad day he tells you about it. If you are having a bad you tell him about it. So you are both giving and taking. It is not a one way thing. One doing everything. The other happy just to sit there and watch. Tell him you want to learn all about him. So you know what is right and what is wrong to say. That should not sound too bad. Sounds like a caring person wanting to know the person they are in a relationship with.