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Dad-Induced Depression

haeshin9

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Jul 21, 2019
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I've been having health problems that involve pain every month, most recently to the point of tears, if not some level of pain every day. I'm trying to see doctors about it and am looking forward to much anxiety caused by having to see different people in different places for different tests, not to mention the borderline terror of what may be my very first pelvic exam. When I was first confronted with that possibility I thought, and still kinda do, that no matter what the reason for it I'd be left with a feeling of rape, because I do NOT want a stranger feeling around inside my privates!

Now I might have depression to top it off because Dad likes to tell me that it's my fault. It's my fault I'm in pain, it's my fault I didn't exercise, it's my fault I didn't listen to him, it's my fault I didn't listen to the doctor (who didn't tell me anything except who to go see), it's my fault I'm not taking care of myself despite being at a certain age, it's my fault that my current efforts are too little, never enough, perhaps even pathetic and not sincere, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault. Whether it is or not, I'm starting to feel horribly guilty and sad. It's my fault that I'm hurting every day and not standing up to him. Before he gave me his latest 'it's your fault' mini-speech, I was ready to get a good sleep and was slightly less pre-traumatized about the possibility of a pelvic exam. Now I don't want to sleep (partly because I wouldn't be able to stop the flood of even more bad thoughts), I'm freshly terrified of my next appointment, and my anxiety over visiting new places for every little test has been refreshed as well. Self-hatred is starting to creep up a bit too.

I wish I was the type to cry easily because right now I feel that tears are the only thing that would bring some relief.
 

Siphonophorae

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Usually, I’m the one who tells myself “it’s my fault”. Sounds like your Dad doesn’t understand: why would you WANT pain? It’s clearly not your fault, you wouldn’t go looking for pain. Now, I may not be the most versed in... um, ”pelvic exams”, but I can say that there must be some way to get your Dad to stop nagging at you. His speeches about how the pain is your fault are literally giving you pain (it’s a bit ironic, isn’t it?) I’m not saying start yelling at him or anything. But if you would find a way to just calmly explain to him that... I don’t know, he’s not doing his job as a Dad. Dads are allowed to guide and discipline their kids, sure, but they also FORGIVE their kids. Eventually. Or, they’re supposed to. Sounds like he’s not forgiving much. Why is he still going on about this anyway? Do you talk angrily to him about why you feel it’s not? Do you argue with him whenever he brings it up? If you do, don’t.
As for lessening your depression, meditation may be a good option. Clearing your mind, listening to a fan or something (some kind of low, quiet, noise), and just sitting there. Calmly. Doing nothing. If you have a place you can go to temporarily get away from your dad as well, that would be perfect.
 

Joshua1

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Now I might have depression to top it off because Dad likes to tell me that it's my fault. It's my fault I'm in pain, it's my fault I didn't exercise, it's my fault I didn't listen to him, it's my fault I didn't listen to the doctor (who didn't tell me anything except who to go see), it's my fault I'm not taking care of myself despite being at a certain age, it's my fault that my current efforts are too little, never enough, perhaps even pathetic and not sincere, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault. Whether it is or not, I'm starting to feel horribly guilty and sad. It's my fault that I'm hurting every day and not standing up to him. Before he gave me his latest 'it's your fault' mini-speech, I was ready to get a good sleep and was slightly less pre-traumatized about the possibility of a pelvic exam. Now I don't want to sleep (partly because I wouldn't be able to stop the flood of even more bad thoughts), I'm freshly terrified of my next appointment, and my anxiety over visiting new places for every little test has been refreshed as well. Self-hatred is starting to creep up a bit too.
Your dad could be right in what he said although i would have worded it differently to you. It seems the things your Dad is saying is your fault stem from the actions you personally were supposed to take. It doesnt mean that you are a waste of space it just means that you need to be more attentive and try harder.
 
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