Thank you for your reply.
Sent from my SM-G965F using TapatalkUgh - so sorry you're going through this. It's really hard - I've been there many times. And it's really hard to be in relationships and deal with all the normal relationship stuff when you're going through it, too.
I don't know your boyfriend, so I can't speak to him or his motives, but I can tell you about my own experience and maybe it will be helpful. First, NO, it's not ridiculous for us to expect compassion and care, especially when we're dealing with panic attacks. However, I've learned over the years that people who have never been through it will not know what to do automatically. My husband is a wonderful, loving man. However, he is not naturally sensitive or empathetic. He has no idea on his own how to help me through a panic attack, or what it feels like. He probably never will. And he has his own hangups and traumas that make it really hard for him to deal with. That doesn't mean he's off the hook. It just means that we've had to have some really hard conversations through the years...what I need, what he needs, etc. He has come a LONG way towards learning how to love me through this, and he still has a lot to learn. And he keeps learning because he loves me. And sometimes he just fails and I have to give him the same grace that I expect him to give me, because I trust him. That takes time...and sometimes it really hurts. I've also learned that no one person can meet all of my needs - I have had to make a conscious effort to connect with other people who fill some of the holes. Again, this is just my life, and not a comment on yours - I chose to marry my husband and stick with him, and we work through each other's **** as it comes up.
I would definitely suggest sitting down with your partner and having a long conversation, in a non-panic moment. Explain anxiety, read about it together, watch YouTube videos if he's not a reader, etc. He can learn !
Thanks for sharing your inner dialogue - we all have these irrational thoughts, I think, and we hide them. You're brave, and you're making it!