Hello all, I’m trying to get some help. About 16 months ago I met the man of my dreams on a dating site. We dated for roughly 4 months before he ended it saying it was due to poor timing and we should take a break and reset when he was ready. I tried to move on but couldn’t. So after giving him 6 months of space with no contact I reached back out and we started dating again but he again ended it by saying he didn’t have energy for me and that I deserve somebody better than him and deserve to have somebody reciprocate. He is also really concerned with the idea that I’m wasting my time and efforts on him when i could be finding somebody else. He said he was open to dating again in the future but that he needed to work through things so he could get to the point where he was ready for a relationship. He shared with me that he struggles with high functioning anxiety so I’ve been reading everything I can get my hands on to try to better understand what he goes through. He seems to really like me and sees how special I am, but he gives into the negative thoughts that tell him I’m better off without him. I let him go once, I can’t do it again. But it’s difficult because we aren’t committed to each other so I don’t really know my place. He says he appreciates all I’ve done and that I’ve helped him figure out so much about himself but tells me “it’s just not going to happen at this time”.
I want so badly to take him by the hand, tell him we will get through this together and that I’m not going anywhere but it seems that all my attempts to work through it comes off to him as I’m trying to help him and he doesn’t want to feel like he has to be helped. I’ve been open with him about my feelings and I think it just puts pressure on him bc he doesn’t want to feel like he has to live up to my same level of effort because he lacks the energy to take on something more meaningful with me. We live two hours apart which doesn’t help bc he avoids my offers to meet up and talk in person.
I’d really like some advice. How can I get him to draw me close versus pushing me away? What can i do to make him want to work through this together rather than apart? Please help!
I want so badly to take him by the hand, tell him we will get through this together and that I’m not going anywhere but it seems that all my attempts to work through it comes off to him as I’m trying to help him and he doesn’t want to feel like he has to be helped. I’ve been open with him about my feelings and I think it just puts pressure on him bc he doesn’t want to feel like he has to live up to my same level of effort because he lacks the energy to take on something more meaningful with me. We live two hours apart which doesn’t help bc he avoids my offers to meet up and talk in person.
I’d really like some advice. How can I get him to draw me close versus pushing me away? What can i do to make him want to work through this together rather than apart? Please help!