So sometimes I literally trick myself into feeling things that I don’t know are there or not.Hi everyone,
Since last time I posted (10 days ago) I've been having some good online support (by email) from an health professional with a lot of experience with difficult situations and with knowledge of mental health and psychiatry. He has been very supporting and helpful. We started to talk about the possible physical causes of my symptoms and he shared a lot of opinions with me.
With time, as he started to know me better, he realised that I have a lot of situations in my life that for my type of personality, it could be the case that my health problem could be some sort of somatization disorder. I understand the mechanism and I accept that it is possible. As you know, since my first posts in this thread, I always considered all the options and this was one of the options that I even verbalised here.
I'm just not totally convinced. I wish I was, of course. It would be really great if I could be sure that my problem is a mental or psychiatric problem. But the complexity of all that happened is keeping me from accepting the somatization disorder as the main suspect for my symptoms. I mean, it started with a specific episode, it did not start from nothing. And the symptoms are basically the same from day one until now.
So, it's hard to get me convinced. I really feel pain in the throat. I really feel as if something is stuck there. And I really feel like something does not fit anymore as it used to fit when I swallow. As if something is crossed from one side to the other, kind of suffocating me.
Anyone has an opinion on this?
Could it be that since the first day, I assumed that something got stuck in my throat but there's never been anything, even though I felt it there scratching my throat as a stuck foreign body?
Or could it be that I actually had something stuck in my throat for a while, or some sort of temporary damaged, but then once it was gone the mind unconsciously acted as if it was still there and provoked the same symptoms, deceiving my conscious awareness?
Is it possible that when I swallow and feel the pain (which happens all the times I swallow without eating), the pain sensation is actually built in my psyche from a mechanism that it developed that makes it feel as real as it is?
You know, I really want to believe in this theory, because it is probably my last chance of having something that can be treated, allowing me to get my life back, even if the treatment is hard and takes a lot of time. But I'm finding it difficult to really believe in this theory, due to the complexity of the situation itself. It did not start from nothing and it is too real to be my unconscious mind playing a trick on my conscious mind, which basically is what happens with this somatization disorder thing.
TMI, hope not, but I have had nipple discharge for a couple of months now. I swear I always feel like my bra is wet from it, but I check and it’s not. But I could swear it is.
I’ve been having this “tight throat” sensation for a couple of weeks now and I feel like my throat is closing is down; but it probably isn’t.
The list goes on and on, as to think I make myself feel and I am so sure I’m feeling them but in the end, I don’t know if I am or not.
So yes, I do believe that you “might” be making the sensations occur?
Let me ask you this, when you’re asleep, does that feeling wake you up?
When you’re totally distracted, do you feel it?