Dear all,
I don't suffer from generalised anxiety disorder myself - but I love someone who does, and following our break-up I would really appreciate some of your insight and advice.
My partner and I were together less than a year, but our relationship became pretty serious quite early on. I was aware that he had been struggling with anxiety for a number of years, and I did my best to read up on it to understand and provide appropriate support. Everything was going well, until he started questioning whether he loved me, whether we were right for each other, whether I would be happier without him, etc. This was obviously painful for both of us, and particularly for him since he blamed himself for spoiling our relationship. That said, although he questioned it himself, there was little doubt for me that he loved me, and that his concerns were a result of his anxiety - regardless of the difficulties we experienced, I love him, and I can't imagine anyone I would rather spend my life with.
Unfortunately, in the midst of this confusion, I had to move abroad for work, and we decided to break up. We both thought some time apart might do us good, and perhaps help us build a more solid relationship together in the future. However, after I left, his anxiety got worse - he has recently quit his job to pursue a postgraduate degree, and was struggling to cope with the changes. We decided to stop talking to remove our relationship as a source of stress, and give him the necessary space to adapt to his new life. I told him that, while I would not contact him myself, he could reach out to me at any time, if ever he wanted or needed to talk.
The problem, now, is that I have no idea whether our absence of communication is helping him, or making him worse. I would accept my own pain gladly, if only I knew it was lessening his. But if he's missing me too, if it's making him miserable as well... then all the pain is for nothing. But I'm afraid to contact him, in case he is in fact doing better without me - I don't want to be the cause of any further suffering. And, similarly, despite having told him to reach out to me at any time, I'm scared that he won't: the belief I would be happier without him was a recurrent theme in his anxious thoughts. Essentially, I'm afraid our respective willingness to sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of the other's will keep us apart, even if we would in fact both be better together. I miss him tremendously, and I worry about him a lot, but I don't know what to do.
I'm aware there's no miracle solution, no easy way out - but your thoughts and insights would be really appreciated.
Wishing you all a good evening.
I don't suffer from generalised anxiety disorder myself - but I love someone who does, and following our break-up I would really appreciate some of your insight and advice.
My partner and I were together less than a year, but our relationship became pretty serious quite early on. I was aware that he had been struggling with anxiety for a number of years, and I did my best to read up on it to understand and provide appropriate support. Everything was going well, until he started questioning whether he loved me, whether we were right for each other, whether I would be happier without him, etc. This was obviously painful for both of us, and particularly for him since he blamed himself for spoiling our relationship. That said, although he questioned it himself, there was little doubt for me that he loved me, and that his concerns were a result of his anxiety - regardless of the difficulties we experienced, I love him, and I can't imagine anyone I would rather spend my life with.
Unfortunately, in the midst of this confusion, I had to move abroad for work, and we decided to break up. We both thought some time apart might do us good, and perhaps help us build a more solid relationship together in the future. However, after I left, his anxiety got worse - he has recently quit his job to pursue a postgraduate degree, and was struggling to cope with the changes. We decided to stop talking to remove our relationship as a source of stress, and give him the necessary space to adapt to his new life. I told him that, while I would not contact him myself, he could reach out to me at any time, if ever he wanted or needed to talk.
The problem, now, is that I have no idea whether our absence of communication is helping him, or making him worse. I would accept my own pain gladly, if only I knew it was lessening his. But if he's missing me too, if it's making him miserable as well... then all the pain is for nothing. But I'm afraid to contact him, in case he is in fact doing better without me - I don't want to be the cause of any further suffering. And, similarly, despite having told him to reach out to me at any time, I'm scared that he won't: the belief I would be happier without him was a recurrent theme in his anxious thoughts. Essentially, I'm afraid our respective willingness to sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of the other's will keep us apart, even if we would in fact both be better together. I miss him tremendously, and I worry about him a lot, but I don't know what to do.
I'm aware there's no miracle solution, no easy way out - but your thoughts and insights would be really appreciated.
Wishing you all a good evening.
