Anger = Unhappiness

[Hope Matthew1128]

I've been thinking through this: "For every minute you're angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness; and makes you ugly by the minute." My mother may sound strange in her outdated words of wisdom. But she offered one of her wits at the time, I was so stressed, angry and felt very old with family life problems with the choices some adult children had been making. I was unhappy.

As soon as my mom challenged me with what I thought was funny and had some truth in it, I tried her secret. I tried reversing all my angry feelings and disappointments about my unmet expectations (that's the big part of the problem, I realized) with complete release off myself and from self-inflicting emotions.

It worked over time some three years ago. My high blood pressure settled down. I've gained weight in which I was looking so old and felt ugly with underweight for my age. And I began smiling as I felt peace with the release from the pain of blame and imagined 'delusion of persecution'. It was all me to blame for my psychological problem of anger. The answer to my healing was me all along. I was the answer in finding out and working on myself for results towards being happy.

 

[Kaynil]

It is great you found on yourself a different approach and realise that you were causing yourself most of the stress.

I think a lot of it comes from taking ourselves and life too seriously. We get too caught up in our own perspective.

I try to focus more on the moment and let armer come and go workout dwelling on it. Swoon things outside myself helps a lot. What is really happening versus how I am weaving it in my selfish narrative.

 

[janemariesayed]

Your mum had the right idea Hope. It's true that we lose happiness when we immerse ourselves in a negative emotion. And yes, we do become uglier. I used to be quite pretty, not drop dead gorgeous but attractive enough. But as I get further into depression my looks are not what they were.

I'm not too over bothered though. I think that healing is more important and with healing I understand that bit by bit, I will take care of myself more and start to get my looks back. Ugliness comes from the inside to the outside.

I find it difficult to reverse my feelings as my problems are deep rooted. I have suppressed my emotions which has meant that they show themselves in other ways that I find difficult to control.

 

[Concernedgal]

How? Did you just decide 1 day to not be angry anymore? I have a bad marriage with a man that constantly undermines me. I can't help but be angry. This is sound advice , no doubt. But, I just wouldn't know where to start. What do you do if you can't help but be angry? But, seriously though, please tell me how you did it?

 

[janemariesayed]

With therapy perhaps? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helps with anger management. Anger also comes with mental illness and it can't be helped. Whereas some people who have anger problems are angry for reasons that pass in time.

When my dog Sasha died, I was angry. Apart from being upset and bawling every five minutes, I was also irritable and I did notice that I was in a really bad mood. The bad mood did pass in time. It was gradual but the bad mood dissipated as I slowly got over her death.

 

[Concernedgal]

I couldn't imagine. I don't know what I will do after my sweet bambam is gone.

 

[Hope Matthew1128]

@janemariesayed I've heard and quite have an idea what CBT is, and about the clinically proven drug-free treatment for depression and anxiety. I appreciate your contribution to this very sensitive topic on this thread.

I think, if something feels good and improves our whole being (emotions, physical, mental, spiritual) and prolongs life with some sense of value in living, then it must be sought after-- even if it takes gradual steps and patient waiting-- it can be done. I waited 4 1/2 years to feel good again, one day at a time.

@Kaynil I truly agree about your focus on reality and being in touch with it. I think, too, that facing our reality is a better way to deal with our own 'hang-ups' and see what we can do to improve ourselves and for those around us.

@Concernedgal At the time, 4 1/2 years in the process felt like forever. But at the end of the dark tunnel, I felt freedom with better understanding of things--and I never want to be that way again. I think, the learning process helped me so much. I still get angry from time to time, but I know how to deal with it by not letting the sun go down on my anger.

 

[Danes]

I can totally believe that when you took charge and changed your thoughts and therefore the way you feel about things in general that your body started to react to that and your health improved. People often forget that our bodies are instruments of our minds and that they respond primarily to the thoughts we think. More positive and better feeling thoughts always equals to a better feeling physical body.

 

[gkillian]

I agree with @Hope Matthew1128 's sentiment - you should never go to bed angry if you can help it. It may be possible that requires changing the company you keep as much as yourself, but that's a bit beyond what I wanted to say.

I'm not a religious person, but I've always appreciated the Serenity Prayer - "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." All of that's a lot harder said than done - especially since we're talking about serenity on a forum for anxiety - but I think it's a first step in realizing that sometimes you need to take a step back and introspect. A starting point, if you will. Practicing the ability to distance yourself from the moment gives you the ability to develop other skills, like extricating yourself from situations you would want to escalate and distracting yourself when you're in an otherwise foul mood.

Hopefully someone finds that helpful - I'm lucky enough that it comes fairly naturally to me, so I don't know how hard it is for others.

 

[Alex]

I find anger comes down to personality and also a way of life. You can learn to let anger go, but there are some people who will always be angry and there is little you can do about it, maybe avoid them.

Some people are highly strung and small things will trigger anger, but I think if you stop blaming, and look at things as lessons (life and adult ones) then it's less negative. We are all human and learn in different ways. My father is always angry, has high blood pressure, and gets irritated by the smallest of things. It will kill him and nearly has, and this is his lesson to learn.