Am I depressed or normalizing?

[MasterRoshi]

I have been living with depression for so long that I associate certain habits with depression, such as staying in bed, sleeping too long etc...

Over the past 5 months I’ve been doing loads of work to help my depression and it has help a lot! I haven’t had a suicidal thought in about 3 months.

So, this morning I engaged in some of those activities which I used to associate with darkness. I stayed in bed, I slept in, I watched YouTube in bed, I didn’t immediately do my healthy morning routine and haven’t yet done t at all, it’s 11:30am and I’m just now getting out of bed to start the day. I ignored my friends text inviting me to breakfast with his friends (I don’t know them and I’m still recovering from a week of social anxiety st work).

Now, normally all of these actions would be a telltale sign of me being depressed. But I don’t feel bad. I still feel generally ok, balanced and mostly happy. I would say a 5/10 to possibly a 6/10 on the happiness scale.

My fear of course is that these actions lead to depression. Or that I actually am depressed and just don’t know it.

But overall I’m feeling ok. I feel like I needed a break. And that doing these once negative actions is a way for me to challenge my black and white thinking.

Do any of you have advice or thoughts about this and your approach to engaging in behavior that once was a sign of depression?

 

[triceps]

I have been living with depression for so long that I associate certain habits with depression, such as staying in bed, sleeping too long etc...

Over the past 5 months I’ve been doing loads of work to help my depression and it has help a lot! I haven’t had a suicidal thought in about 3 months.

So, this morning I engaged in some of those activities which I used to associate with darkness. I stayed in bed, I slept in, I watched YouTube in bed, I didn’t immediately do my healthy morning routine and haven’t yet done t at all, it’s 11:30am and I’m just now getting out of bed to start the day. I ignored my friends text inviting me to breakfast with his friends (I don’t know them and I’m still recovering from a week of social anxiety st work).

Now, normally all of these actions would be a telltale sign of me being depressed. But I don’t feel bad. I still feel generally ok, balanced and mostly happy. I would say a 5/10 to possibly a 6/10 on the happiness scale.

My fear of course is that these actions lead to depression. Or that I actually am depressed and just don’t know it.

But overall I’m feeling ok. I feel like I needed a break. And that doing these once negative actions is a way for me to challenge my black and white thinking.

Do any of you have advice or thoughts about this and your approach to engaging in behavior that once was a sign of depression?

Master,

You're just exhausted and felt you could give yourself permission to go off routine. You deserve it and I don't think it will lead back to depression in any way.

 

[MasterRoshi]

Master,

You're just exhausted and felt you could give yourself permission to go off routine. You deserve it and I don't think it will lead back to depression in any way.

Thanks triceps. It’s such a strange feeling to be happy while relaxing... it’s a mind game haha. “What once was no longer is” type of a riddle.

Of course as my therapist reminds me, nothing is fornever and there’s ups and downs with life, but this new experience of happy and in my pjs unshowered at noon is strange, but enjoyable.