Hi guys, this is my first post. I decided to look for a forum to help me because honestly I don't know what to do anymore.
I consider myself a survivor. I'm not panicking, I control my anxiety like a master. I'm not suicidal, I can still hang on, but I often wonder how long.
my super short story:
diagnosed with hyperactivity 6 years old, didnt took any medication. started with marijuana at 15, alcohol at 18, and then at 21 with MDMA. One day after taking a large amount of MDMA I had a panic attack and I thought I had fried my brain. I went into depersonalization / de-realization. I've been there for 8 months. did treatment with lexapro and therapy, and that was not all I needed, I had to develop a whole structure of my ego in 2 notebooks, and study psychology and neuroscience obsessively for months, tried meditation, yoga, supplements, therapy, consulted several psychiatrists, finally I got better, but I started to become alcoholic and have problems with cocaine. I was always feeling very uncomfortable. My anxiety is not about being thinking about the future, it is more about feeling uncomfortable, I feel a tightness in my chest and drinking alcohol was the relief, which ended up being a trigger for cocaine. Anyway, recently I stopped using alcohol and cocaine, and all other drugs, except marijuana. I managed to cure myself using naltrexone after years of searching. For those who don't know, search on youtube for a Tedx talk about the Sinclair method. it is a drug that you take 1 hour before drinking and it inhibits the release of reward endorphins and is 80% effective. I am cured of that, at least.
I had been using Venlafaxine for 8 months, 150 mg, I even took 300 a day, the highest dose: no difference, I still felt the same. I switched to lexapro because I remember that in past I could feel a little comfortable using it, however, nothing, I still feel like garbage with 20mg of lexapro. A VERY relevant thing that I can tell you: I have used MDMA many times in my life, which is a drug that releases a lot of serotonin, and I always felt VERY comfortable when taking it, the way I believe a lot of people feel normally, and if I could feel just 15% of that i'm sure I would already feel a little better, but i think i must have problems with my serotonin mechanism. In other words, that MDMA serotonin always left me as I always wanted to feel. I would feel light and happy, I wouldnt feel unconfortable. I haven't used it for years, now I'm exercising, I ride 25 miles a day, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have my apartment, I'm extremely smart and qualified in my job, everything is fine in my life, except for the discomfort.
I wonder if there is any medication that could help me in this line of reasoning of MDMA, something that would make me more comfortable since anti-depressants are not getting it. I would like to ask you for help, with your experience, because as I said, I am not suicidal, but when I see stories of people like Chester from linkin Park, someone who, however much fun it was with everyone, showed to be struggling, and i identify. I keep thinking how long can I handle feeling bad like this.
Thank you for reading. <3
I forgot to mention that I am actually diagnosed with GAD and ADHD, I have tried amphetamines like ritalin and it only makes me more uncomfortable. I have a lot of idea that discomfort is linked to the serotonin system.
Also, I know that the best person to talk about it is my doctor, however, I already went to 7 different psychiatrists, and most of the actions that helped me, like searching about naltrexone, doing therapy alone, came from my own search on the internet. I do not want to belittle the medical specialists, but I live in Brazil, honestly many times I had to explain about treatments to them, because they are all inserted in an old-fashioned box that doesn't work. I am looking for possible treatments or drugs to talk about with my psychiatrist.
I consider myself a survivor. I'm not panicking, I control my anxiety like a master. I'm not suicidal, I can still hang on, but I often wonder how long.
my super short story:
diagnosed with hyperactivity 6 years old, didnt took any medication. started with marijuana at 15, alcohol at 18, and then at 21 with MDMA. One day after taking a large amount of MDMA I had a panic attack and I thought I had fried my brain. I went into depersonalization / de-realization. I've been there for 8 months. did treatment with lexapro and therapy, and that was not all I needed, I had to develop a whole structure of my ego in 2 notebooks, and study psychology and neuroscience obsessively for months, tried meditation, yoga, supplements, therapy, consulted several psychiatrists, finally I got better, but I started to become alcoholic and have problems with cocaine. I was always feeling very uncomfortable. My anxiety is not about being thinking about the future, it is more about feeling uncomfortable, I feel a tightness in my chest and drinking alcohol was the relief, which ended up being a trigger for cocaine. Anyway, recently I stopped using alcohol and cocaine, and all other drugs, except marijuana. I managed to cure myself using naltrexone after years of searching. For those who don't know, search on youtube for a Tedx talk about the Sinclair method. it is a drug that you take 1 hour before drinking and it inhibits the release of reward endorphins and is 80% effective. I am cured of that, at least.
I had been using Venlafaxine for 8 months, 150 mg, I even took 300 a day, the highest dose: no difference, I still felt the same. I switched to lexapro because I remember that in past I could feel a little comfortable using it, however, nothing, I still feel like garbage with 20mg of lexapro. A VERY relevant thing that I can tell you: I have used MDMA many times in my life, which is a drug that releases a lot of serotonin, and I always felt VERY comfortable when taking it, the way I believe a lot of people feel normally, and if I could feel just 15% of that i'm sure I would already feel a little better, but i think i must have problems with my serotonin mechanism. In other words, that MDMA serotonin always left me as I always wanted to feel. I would feel light and happy, I wouldnt feel unconfortable. I haven't used it for years, now I'm exercising, I ride 25 miles a day, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have my apartment, I'm extremely smart and qualified in my job, everything is fine in my life, except for the discomfort.
I wonder if there is any medication that could help me in this line of reasoning of MDMA, something that would make me more comfortable since anti-depressants are not getting it. I would like to ask you for help, with your experience, because as I said, I am not suicidal, but when I see stories of people like Chester from linkin Park, someone who, however much fun it was with everyone, showed to be struggling, and i identify. I keep thinking how long can I handle feeling bad like this.
Thank you for reading. <3
I forgot to mention that I am actually diagnosed with GAD and ADHD, I have tried amphetamines like ritalin and it only makes me more uncomfortable. I have a lot of idea that discomfort is linked to the serotonin system.
Also, I know that the best person to talk about it is my doctor, however, I already went to 7 different psychiatrists, and most of the actions that helped me, like searching about naltrexone, doing therapy alone, came from my own search on the internet. I do not want to belittle the medical specialists, but I live in Brazil, honestly many times I had to explain about treatments to them, because they are all inserted in an old-fashioned box that doesn't work. I am looking for possible treatments or drugs to talk about with my psychiatrist.
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