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Years of treatment with anti-depressants and I still feel like crap?

budal202

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Hi guys, this is my first post. I decided to look for a forum to help me because honestly I don't know what to do anymore.

I consider myself a survivor. I'm not panicking, I control my anxiety like a master. I'm not suicidal, I can still hang on, but I often wonder how long.

my super short story:
diagnosed with hyperactivity 6 years old, didnt took any medication. started with marijuana at 15, alcohol at 18, and then at 21 with MDMA. One day after taking a large amount of MDMA I had a panic attack and I thought I had fried my brain. I went into depersonalization / de-realization. I've been there for 8 months. did treatment with lexapro and therapy, and that was not all I needed, I had to develop a whole structure of my ego in 2 notebooks, and study psychology and neuroscience obsessively for months, tried meditation, yoga, supplements, therapy, consulted several psychiatrists, finally I got better, but I started to become alcoholic and have problems with cocaine. I was always feeling very uncomfortable. My anxiety is not about being thinking about the future, it is more about feeling uncomfortable, I feel a tightness in my chest and drinking alcohol was the relief, which ended up being a trigger for cocaine. Anyway, recently I stopped using alcohol and cocaine, and all other drugs, except marijuana. I managed to cure myself using naltrexone after years of searching. For those who don't know, search on youtube for a Tedx talk about the Sinclair method. it is a drug that you take 1 hour before drinking and it inhibits the release of reward endorphins and is 80% effective. I am cured of that, at least.

I had been using Venlafaxine for 8 months, 150 mg, I even took 300 a day, the highest dose: no difference, I still felt the same. I switched to lexapro because I remember that in past I could feel a little comfortable using it, however, nothing, I still feel like garbage with 20mg of lexapro. A VERY relevant thing that I can tell you: I have used MDMA many times in my life, which is a drug that releases a lot of serotonin, and I always felt VERY comfortable when taking it, the way I believe a lot of people feel normally, and if I could feel just 15% of that i'm sure I would already feel a little better, but i think i must have problems with my serotonin mechanism. In other words, that MDMA serotonin always left me as I always wanted to feel. I would feel light and happy, I wouldnt feel unconfortable. I haven't used it for years, now I'm exercising, I ride 25 miles a day, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have my apartment, I'm extremely smart and qualified in my job, everything is fine in my life, except for the discomfort.

I wonder if there is any medication that could help me in this line of reasoning of MDMA, something that would make me more comfortable since anti-depressants are not getting it. I would like to ask you for help, with your experience, because as I said, I am not suicidal, but when I see stories of people like Chester from linkin Park, someone who, however much fun it was with everyone, showed to be struggling, and i identify. I keep thinking how long can I handle feeling bad like this.

Thank you for reading. <3
I forgot to mention that I am actually diagnosed with GAD and ADHD, I have tried amphetamines like ritalin and it only makes me more uncomfortable. I have a lot of idea that discomfort is linked to the serotonin system.
Also, I know that the best person to talk about it is my doctor, however, I already went to 7 different psychiatrists, and most of the actions that helped me, like searching about naltrexone, doing therapy alone, came from my own search on the internet. I do not want to belittle the medical specialists, but I live in Brazil, honestly many times I had to explain about treatments to them, because they are all inserted in an old-fashioned box that doesn't work. I am looking for possible treatments or drugs to talk about with my psychiatrist.
 
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Cuchculan

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The hard part in answering this is we can't suggest medication. What works for me, may not work for you. Hard to believe that medication works in different ways for different people. I am on a lot of various types of medication. I have read others talking about how much they hate the medication I am on. But for me the medication works wonders. As a rule a doctor will try you on something. See how that goes. If it is not working they might try something else. Or maybe even give you something extra to take with the original medication. In reading your post and what you have used in the past, by way of hard drugs, maybe that is why nothing is working for you. At least not on a low dose. Because you body has been put through a lot over the years with these hard drugs. It simply might have gotten used to that high. Now any medication you are asked to take can't come near that same high. In other words your body may have built up a tolerance. For something to work it would have to strong. 20mg lexapro is a very mild dose. Maybe lexapro and something else with it. Finding the right combination might do the trick. If I look what I am on, 30mg Remeron, 5mg Klonopin, Valium and other medication for my stomach issues. 3 of those medications are for my anxiety issues. One of them alone would probably do nothing for me. My anxiety used to be high. Maybe finding the right mixture might do something for you. But keep in mind that not all forms of medication work well together. I had the experience of two that were not meant to be taken together. No idea what my doctor was thinking. Just left me very sick. Finding the right ones can be a case of trial and error. Your body might not respond well to some forms of medication. Others might have no effect on you at all. This is why suggesting medication is wrong. I could suggest some and they might have a negative effect on you.
 

Siphonophorae

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Feb 13, 2020
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Hi guys, this is my first post. I decided to look for a forum to help me because honestly I don't know what to do anymore.

I consider myself a survivor. I'm not panicking, I control my anxiety like a master. I'm not suicidal, I can still hang on, but I often wonder how long.

my super short story:
diagnosed with hyperactivity 6 years old, didnt took any medication. started with marijuana at 15, alcohol at 18, and then at 21 with MDMA. One day after taking a large amount of MDMA I had a panic attack and I thought I had fried my brain. I went into depersonalization / de-realization. I've been there for 8 months. did treatment with lexapro and therapy, and that was not all I needed, I had to develop a whole structure of my ego in 2 notebooks, and study psychology and neuroscience obsessively for months, tried meditation, yoga, supplements, therapy, consulted several psychiatrists, finally I got better, but I started to become alcoholic and have problems with cocaine. I was always feeling very uncomfortable. My anxiety is not about being thinking about the future, it is more about feeling uncomfortable, I feel a tightness in my chest and drinking alcohol was the relief, which ended up being a trigger for cocaine. Anyway, recently I stopped using alcohol and cocaine, and all other drugs, except marijuana. I managed to cure myself using naltrexone after years of searching. For those who don't know, search on youtube for a Tedx talk about the Sinclair method. it is a drug that you take 1 hour before drinking and it inhibits the release of reward endorphins and is 80% effective. I am cured of that, at least.

I had been using Venlafaxine for 8 months, 150 mg, I even took 300 a day, the highest dose: no difference, I still felt the same. I switched to lexapro because I remember that in past I could feel a little comfortable using it, however, nothing, I still feel like garbage with 20mg of lexapro. A VERY relevant thing that I can tell you: I have used MDMA many times in my life, which is a drug that releases a lot of serotonin, and I always felt VERY comfortable when taking it, the way I believe a lot of people feel normally, and if I could feel just 15% of that i'm sure I would already feel a little better, but i think i must have problems with my serotonin mechanism. In other words, that MDMA serotonin always left me as I always wanted to feel. I would feel light and happy, I wouldnt feel unconfortable. I haven't used it for years, now I'm exercising, I ride 25 miles a day, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have my apartment, I'm extremely smart and qualified in my job, everything is fine in my life, except for the discomfort.

I wonder if there is any medication that could help me in this line of reasoning of MDMA, something that would make me more comfortable since anti-depressants are not getting it. I would like to ask you for help, with your experience, because as I said, I am not suicidal, but when I see stories of people like Chester from linkin Park, someone who, however much fun it was with everyone, showed to be struggling, and i identify. I keep thinking how long can I handle feeling bad like this.

Thank you for reading. <3
I forgot to mention that I am actually diagnosed with GAD and ADHD, I have tried amphetamines like ritalin and it only makes me more uncomfortable. I have a lot of idea that discomfort is linked to the serotonin system.
Also, I know that the best person to talk about it is my doctor, however, I already went to 7 different psychiatrists, and most of the actions that helped me, like searching about naltrexone, doing therapy alone, came from my own search on the internet. I do not want to belittle the medical specialists, but I live in Brazil, honestly many times I had to explain about treatments to them, because they are all inserted in an old-fashioned box that doesn't work. I am looking for possible treatments or drugs to talk about with my psychiatrist.
Do you have a doctor you go to? (Welcome to the forum!)
 
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