Worried About Having Friends to My House

[Camden]

This has been a long term thing since I was a kid. I always worried about having a friend(s) over to my place. I worried about them not liking my toys, video games, back yard, etc. Even though I was young, I still remember wanting to be the “perfect host” for my friend while they visited. I worried so much leading up to their visit, during the visit, and felt relieved when they finally went home.

Today, I still have trouble with this situation. Even as an adult I’m self conscious and driven to be the “perfect host.” I’m THINKING about inviting my friends over to my family’s place on the lake this weekend. I have a bad feeling in my gut because of several factors:

1 Bad weather forecasted Saturday for my area. If there are thunderstorms, we definitely can’t go on the water and our whole visit will be undermined.

2 Our boat dock is a total trainwreck and needs a deep cleaning after the winter.

3 Some of my family will be in a wedding back in Milwaukee and I’m afraid of potentially dealing with a crisis and being unable to reach them.

4 I might have to be responsible for my friends’ dog for a short time this weekend. It bothers me to have animals in my house or car.

With all these issues swirling around my mind, I think it would be best for my sake to take a rain check (pun intended) on inviting my friends to the lake this time. As horrible as it sounds, it’s just an unnecessary source of stress for me.

 

[MATD]

What would happen if people discovered you weren’t perfect? What if I told you that people come to visit with you, not your house? What if you had your get together, dirty deck and all, and you had a good time? What if you understood that no one is perfect, we all have flaws, we all put our pants in one leg at a time. What about God? Doesn’t He accept us flaws and all? If He can, you can accept yourself flaws and all. There were plenty of folks in the Bible that messed up, like David and Moses, but God still loved them despite their flaws. Start looking at the big picture. If the weekend thing is too much, what about something a little less, like a overnighter or an afternoon barbecue? You are robbing yourself of joy. Buy the wine, let your flaws show, the sun will still shine if you do. (Spoiler alert! Everybody has imperfections, nobody has a perfect life, there are plenty of dirty decks in this world).

 

[Camden]

I took the leap and texted my buddy to come over this weekend!

Even if it rains, we can go to the town to shop and grab a pint and some food at the pub. I have plenty of video games and other indoor stuff to do in the event we can’t take the boats out on the lake.

If it’s dirty down on the dock, we’ll just sit on towels, problem solved! We’re both busy with work during the week, and I think it’s more important to take advantage of our weekends to do something we both enjoy, rather than surrender to my anxiety. My anxiety is still there, however I accept it and wish to enjoy myself this weekend more than anything.

 

[MATD]

Good for you! Have you ever considered talking to a very close friend about your “fears?” I’m not saying to spill your guts here, but to just get a general sense of how others view some of your concerns. Start out with the dirty deck. Or something simple. A little perspective from the eyes of a close friend could help you “see” your fears are unnecessary. Keep it simple and low key. I know talking on here helps, but to get the perspective of someone that isn’t bound by anxiety could be a help also. Enjoy your weekend. Drink that wine!

 

[Iona]

I took the leap and texted my buddy to come over this weekend!

Even if it rains, we can go to the town to shop and grab a pint and some food at the pub. I have plenty of video games and other indoor stuff to do in the event we can’t take the boats out on the lake.

If it’s dirty down on the dock, we’ll just sit on towels, problem solved! We’re both busy with work during the week, and I think it’s more important to take advantage of our weekends to do something we both enjoy, rather than surrender to my anxiety. My anxiety is still there, however I accept it and wish to enjoy myself this weekend more than anything.

Hi! I’ve just read your story and understand much of how you feel…. I hope that you’re enjoying yourself and feeling better. If you ever need to talk, I’m happy to open dialogue privately if you prefer a more one to one person for support.