Who am I ?

[Concernedgal]

I was thinking about this all day . I've lived my whole life for the satisfaction of others and rarely thought of myself. At the critical time in my life , I started dating my now husband. My life became about him and only him and still remains that way today. My identity revolves around the happiness of others and I don't think I know how to be happy anymore because I don't exactly know what makes me happy anymore. I feel that I eccentally don't know who I am as a person. It's a very lonely place not to know. When I was young I was so carefree and now... I guess I sometimes wish I could go back to that. To get back to what I was saying before... i'm starting to feel a real resentment towards some of the people I love and care about because I feel as if they've "stolen" me. If that makes any sense. I never gotten a chance to learn me, discover me, or realize my purpose in life. I walk around everyday like a nobody. I am plagued by this question and I don't know how to answer it. Who am i? I wish I knew.

 

[janemariesayed]

Living by yourself is a great way to get to know yourself. I've done that in between relationships and I've really got to know myself better. I've found that I'm a different person when I am on my own, to when I am with someone. That is because being on my own I have had the time to pursue my own interests.

When I have been in a relationship I have been like you and my whole life becomes about them. Then it is natural to become resentful. This can be dangerous for a relationship when it can be unwarranted.

Take some time out for you. If your anxieties will allow it, take yourself off to an art class once a week. Or pottery or anything that interests you. Don't go with your hubby, he can drop you off but do something for yourself. Do you get to go out with any female friends without him? Have a think about what it is that interests you. What do you like? Then pursue that interest on your own. It will give you and your hubby something else to talk about and add culture to your relationship.

 

[Concernedgal]

I want to leave my husband. I think that he is at least 50% responsible. And now a days when I mention switching to a career or doing something for myself.. he is resistant. Is the only way I can find myself is by divorcing my husband? Is he in my way of finding out who I really am?

 

[janemariesayed]

Well, I hate to say it but it is starting to sound it to me. Before thinking of leaving him though, think of a way around this challenge. If you get to stay with him until you are old and grey you will feel fantastic at that time. Look at any old couple who have been together all their lives. You have something very precious that most couples don't achieve so look for other ways around this problem before walking away.

Try to have a serious chat with him. Tell him how you are feeling, that you want to discover who you are. Explain that it's not him, but that you just want to do somethings by yourself. Have you a hobby or something you would like to get into? Tell him that you need to do it for yourself and explain how with the both of you having different interests would add culture and depth to your relationship. It'll give you something to talk about. It is very easy to stagnate in a marriage and just go with the drum call every morning. It's up to YOU to change things.

I hope you find a way forward with him. I want you to be happy.