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Whenever things go well I expect to get catastrophically sick

mollyfin

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Or for something else bad to happen. It always seems to go that way - something good happens, even something minor, and immediately something awful does. I can't even enjoy being happy because then I think it means something bad is on the way. I don't know how to get away from this.
 

SB2017

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I do the same thing. Even with test results. I get good news, enjoy it for a day or so and I’m onto the next death sentence. I really want to get past this. I have a 3 year old and we have a trip booked for September. She’s so excited and whenever she talks about it, or my husband brings it up, I shut down because I feel like I won’t be here anyway or I’ll get some terminal illness before then and have to cancel. It’s bad.
 

Fraser

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I do the same thing. Even with test results. I get good news, enjoy it for a day or so and I’m onto the next death sentence. I really want to get past this. I have a 3 year old and we have a trip booked for September. She’s so excited and whenever she talks about it, or my husband brings it up, I shut down because I feel like I won’t be here anyway or I’ll get some terminal illness before then and have to cancel. It’s bad.
That is bad. And you DO have an illness; you have health anxiety. It is ******* up your life. The good news is, CBT therapy and meditation can both help. The trick is, you have to put in the work to get better.

It sounds like one of the core issues with your HA is catastrophic thinking. I also have this, but it sounds like yours is a bit worse than mine. Here is a podcast that might help: https://www.anxietyslayer.com/journal/452-learning-to-deal-with-catastrophic-thinking.html
 

Amw311

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I do the same thing. I remember last year when my health anxiety got really crippling, my toddlers would talk about being excited for Halloween and Christmas coming up etc, and I couldn’t even bear to hear it because I was so convinced I’d be hospital bound with a terminal illness by then. My health anxiety got better for a while but now it’s back full swing and I feel myself sinking. Sometimes it feels like I’m not really even living because I’m just waiting to be told something horrible is wrong with me. It’s so exhausting
 

mollyfin

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Yeah, exactly. It's like my life HAS to revolve around this or I don't know how to live. It's frustrating. Though to be fair, I worry ANYTHING could happen if my life is going well, haha. Maybe someone I love will die or abandon me. Maybe something I've built for myself will be destroyed by my own hubris of having done something well. Could be anything! But it usually goes to health stuff first. I realize it's me looking for a pattern, but the few times it HAS happened have really messed with my head and make me feel like it happens every time. Even minor good things I can't enjoy anymore.
 

SB2017

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I do the same thing. I remember last year when my health anxiety got really crippling, my toddlers would talk about being excited for Halloween and Christmas coming up etc, and I couldn’t even bear to hear it because I was so convinced I’d be hospital bound with a terminal illness by then. My health anxiety got better for a while but now it’s back full swing and I feel myself sinking. Sometimes it feels like I’m not really even living because I’m just waiting to be told something horrible is wrong with me. It’s so exhausting
Oh man. This is exactly me! It’s then followed by guilt that I didn’t let myself enjoy it more, once I realize nothing happened
 

Ms.Honey

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Yep. Me too. For my kids too. Any time I plan or picture the future, it’s always “well.. unless I’m really sick or dying” or “hopefully they’re still alive”
It’s messed up. I think for me anyway, it’s a type of depression that’s paired with my HA. The future always seems grim, but for no real reason, other than my anxiety.
 

Kari85

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I do the same thing. Even with test results. I get good news, enjoy it for a day or so and I’m onto the next death sentence. I really want to get past this. I have a 3 year old and we have a trip booked for September. She’s so excited and whenever she talks about it, or my husband brings it up, I shut down because I feel like I won’t be here anyway or I’ll get some terminal illness before then and have to cancel. It’s bad.
This is me! I’m going on a trip in 3 weeks. My boyfriend is literally counting down the days and I’m a stressed out mess. Terrified I won’t be able to function and guess what? A horrible episode of back pain started out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. Now I’m convinced it’s something serious and I won’t be able to walk. The really frustrating thing is that I love to travel but every vacation I take starts out with with weeks of anticipatory anxiety and debilitating physical symptoms.
 
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