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Trying to date again

Howlingvapor

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Hey it’s been a while since I’ve posted about my progress moving on from that relationship. I gotta say I’m doing a lot better now, I’m fact I’d venture to say I’m over her now. I used to get depressed every time I thought about her and what happened between us, but now I don’t really think of her at all and when I do I don’t look at those memories as a mourner wondering what could have been, but feeling more like a voyeur peering into an old relationship between two people who are strangers to me now. I’ve changed so much since then and so has she from what I can tell. I’m doing stand up comedy now and I’ve been networking with a lot of local business owners through my various hobbies. I honestly feel like a much more complete person nowadays. I’m learning to take more chances and seize opportunities when they come. I thought back to when I almost killed myself and realized that if I had done it then I would have died without having ever taken a chance on a dream. Life is too short and I want to have a life I can look back on fondly someday. So I’m meeting all kinds of new and interesting people, trying new experiences and going to that open mic night bar and meeting people who share my passion. I’m so much happier now than I have ever been, I feel at peace with who I am.

The point is that I’m finally in a place where I can seek a partner not as a way of filling a void, but as a way of adding joy to a life I’m already fairly happy with. I’ve met someone on tinder recently and her and I have really hit it off, we have a lot in common, but enough differences to make it interesting. She’s nerdy like I am and occasionally awkward, she’s a nurse that loves animals and helping others, and she knows how to be straightforward and honest even when the truth hurts. I’m by no means head over heels in love yet, but I certainly like her. We’ve even set up a date and we’ll quite frankly that’s kinda where my anxiety has started.

It was just really weird, can’t fully describe it what happened and not make this already long post a novel, but basically when we started planning the date her and her friends had apparently been drinking and so she kept leaving the conversation with “hmmm” and stuff without answering my questions and she still technically hasn’t confirmed the time we meet at the restaurant, but for sure we’re meeting Tuesday at Applebee’s. We also video called at the end of the night where she admitted she had been drinking with friends and felt a little out of it, the call went well, but it was a little awkward because we’re both tired. This whole night just felt weird and made me nervous. Because I keep thinking like “what if she thinks I’m a scam artist” “what if she forgets about me?” Or “what if tomorrow she just blocks me for no reason and doesn’t say why?” I keep telling myself that if any of that happens it’s no big deal and there are plenty of fish in the sea, no reason to already be so invested in her, but it’s hard to keep calm and stay reasonable when you’re interested in someone. She’s the first person I’ve met on tinder that doesn’t seem immediately disinterested in me. She even texts first sometimes and so far she’s the only one that’s embarrassed themselves (she accidentally sent me a message meant for her friend talking about how thicc she was lol she’s perfect ) so yeah I feel pretty good about this and I’m hoping something will come of it, maybe an amazing relationship, maybe just a fun night out, maybe a future wife, or perhaps just great friendship. Whatever getting to know her brings I’m open to it. I’m not even sure if I’m ready for another relationship yet in the sense that I have so many irons in the fire right now. So I’m okay with it just being a fun night out or good conversation, but wouldn’t it be nice if it ended up becoming something more? I’m constantly trying to check myself so that I don’t invest too much of my heart into her too fast, that was the mistake I made last time. I put nearly all my trust and love into her from the moment we started dating and when she left it I had none for myself. So yeah that’s where I am right now, anxiously awaiting my date.



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Howlingvapor

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Update: she just deleted me from Snapchat for no reason whatsoever and now I’m kinda disappointed.


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Trying123

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Oct 12, 2019
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I understand your disappointment. Keep going with the positive changes in your life including your hobbies and stand up comedy. Things will get better.
 
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