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Struggling with moving up my u/s appt but scared to know results. Who can relate?

kammie72

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I have a 2/19 (next Monday) pelvic and abdominal u/s scheduled but drinking myself literally crazy checking for spotting every 30 minutes for the last 10 days. Every little thing screams cancer to me and I don’t think I can last until next Monday. I’m a complete mess. A few days ago, I was feeling positive, but I saw a dab of pink when I wiped today and lost my mind. So scared of the results so I want to keep the original appt but want to know what’s up asap too. I just want to have a good year, my son is graduating from high school in May, I don’t want to be sick…I know I sound insane right but no one but you guys would understand…
 

MATD

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I grew sick and tired of the anxiety loop, enough is enough! I want to live free from my own self induced terror and imprisonment. I do understand what you feel, been there, but it’s your own choice to stay where you are or take steps to help yourself. Anxiety is a self imposed disorder. How we got there is not nearly as important as what we do to get out of this loop. Practicing acceptance has shown me that I don’t have to live with out of control fear, that I do have a choice. And it meant letting go of all my self imposed unrealistic beliefs, etc, etc, etc. Don’t think of this as not being supportive, because I am. But my idea of support is not sympathizing, but rather giving you a way to recover.
 

Phillies Phan

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I have a 2/19 (next Monday) pelvic and abdominal u/s scheduled but drinking myself literally crazy checking for spotting every 30 minutes for the last 10 days. Every little thing screams cancer to me and I don’t think I can last until next Monday. I’m a complete mess. A few days ago, I was feeling positive, but I saw a dab of pink when I wiped today and lost my mind. So scared of the results so I want to keep the original appt but want to know what’s up asap too. I just want to have a good year, my son is graduating from high school in May, I don’t want to be sick…I know I sound insane right but no one but you guys would understand…
I think most of us on this board understand the concept of acceptance. At the right time, when we’re in the right mindset, I agree we should go full throttle in trying to master that skill. However, I think everyone on the board also understands, because we live it, perhaps once in a while, perhaps a lot or even constantly, the utter fear and helplessness we feel when we’re in panic mode due to a symptom or sign.

If it were me Kammie, I’d just want to get the dang U/S over with the sooner the better. Get the good results you know deep down you will receive, and move on. Perhaps, after the all clear, dive into the Claire Weekes books and the like, when you are in the best frame of mind to concentrate on what is said, and work on practicing her concepts.
 

Sweet T

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Hugs Kammie72. I’m sure all will turn out well. Don’t let your thoughts turn negative. Be optimistic if you can. You’ll handle whatever comes your way.
 

Jonathan123

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I think most of us on this board understand the concept of acceptance. At the right time, when we’re in the right mindset, I agree we should go full throttle in trying to master that skill. However, I think everyone on the board also understands, because we live it, perhaps once in a while, perhaps a lot or even constantly, the utter fear and helplessness we feel when we’re in panic mode due to a symptom or sign.

If it were me Kammie, I’d just want to get the dang U/S over with the sooner the better. Get the good results you know deep down you will receive, and move on. Perhaps, after the all clear, dive into the Claire Weekes books and the like, when you are in the best frame of mind to concentrate on what is said, and work on practicing her concepts.
If we wait to be in the right mood or mindset to begin acceptance then the chances are we will never begin. We need to begin NOW! Not tomorrow when we may feel better, but now. 'Procrastination is the thief of time' it is said and that is a truth. We can't afford to keep putting it off and waiting for the right time. Dr. Weekes emphasises this in her books. It is so easy to put off doing something because we feel tired, even exhausted, but it has to be done. What's the alternative? Apathy can set in and become a habit. 'Not wanting to do' is so common in anxiety.
When in panic we can accept it all. I do know what that can be like. Panic takes over and thinking clearly and rationally is nigh impossible. But if we stand our ground (difficult) and let it pass as it always will and not add fear to fear or run away to a 'safe' place, it can be overcome. We may well panic again, but will know what to do so that it no longer frightens us. We add fear to fear in panic which perpetuates the panic.
 
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Phillies Phan

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If we wait to be in the right mood or mindset to begin acceptance then the chances are we will never begin. We need to begin NOW! Not tomorrow when we may feel better, but now. 'Procrastination is the thief of time' it is said and that is a truth. We can't afford to keep putting it off and waiting for the right time. Dr. Weekes emphasises this in her books. It is so easy to put off doing something because we feel tired, even exhausted, but it has to be done. What's the alternative? Apathy can set in and become a habit. 'Not wanting to do' is so common in anxiety.
When in panic we can accept it all. I do know what that can be like. Panic takes over and thinking clearly and rationally is nigh impossible. But if we stand our ground (difficult) and let it pass as it always will and not add fear to fear or run away to a 'safe' place, it can be overcome. We may well panic again, but will know what to do so that it no longer frightens us. We add fear to fear in panic which perpetuates the panic.
Love you Jonathan, but I respectfully disagree. For example, when I have a difficult concept to read and understand at my job, if I’m otherwise stressed, it’s much tougher than when I can devote my full attention to the subject matter. Everyone is different, and for those who can successfully compartmentalize things in their life, that’s fantastic. However, many of us on this board especially are unable to do that. What Ms. Weekes has to say is powerful and needs to be read with full and complete attention to detail.
 

MATD

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Love you Jonathan, but I respectfully disagree. For example, when I have a difficult concept to read and understand at my job, if I’m otherwise stressed, it’s much tougher than when I can devote my full attention to the subject matter. Everyone is different, and for those who can successfully compartmentalize things in their life, that’s fantastic. However, many of us on this board especially are unable to do that. What Ms. Weekes has to say is powerful and needs to be read with full and complete attention to detail.
I have to respectfully disagree and stand with Jonathan. I had no good days or periods of clarity. But I began by reading and trying to apply in my brain fogged, heightened state of anxiety. And it wasn’t clear at first but I just kept going back and rereading and trying. Gradually things began to become more clear and I noticed I was making progress. Even now I still go back and reread for clarification. Had I waited until I had a “better day” to begin, I wouldn’t be where I’m at now. An while I’m not fully recovered, I’m still very much improved compared to where I was when I began. When one is learning a new concept such as driving a car, they cannot learn unless they have the opportunity to get behind the wheel. The same goes for practicing acceptance. Procrastination is part of the anxiety spectrum and if we wait till we “ feel better”, we learn nothing and we are wasting time. Waiting till we “feel better” is allowing golden opportunity to pass us by. Procrastination or putting off till we feel better is merely avoiding or running away from it. One important aspect I’ve learned is that “”good days” are not an indication of recovery, but it’s how I react to anything that comes along regardless of whether I’m having a “good day” or not. It’s the things that “trigger” the anxiety to rear it’s head that determines recovery. It is essentially stepping up and facing whatever comes along without being “ triggered”. That’s when you know you are making progress. And you can’t make progress without the opportunity. “There is no better time than the present.”
 
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Jonathan123

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Love you Jonathan, but I respectfully disagree. For example, when I have a difficult concept to read and understand at my job, if I’m otherwise stressed, it’s much tougher than when I can devote my full attention to the subject matter. Everyone is different, and for those who can successfully compartmentalize things in their life, that’s fantastic. However, many of us on this board especially are unable to do that. What Ms. Weekes has to say is powerful and needs to be read with full and complete attention to detail.
Of course you can disagree. I am not an Oracle and have been proven wrong many times. But we can only go by our own experiences and that's how I see it. I do understand what you are saying, but acceptance can work anywhere, at home or work. It's a 24/7 therapy. It's the simplicity of acceptance that many find difficult. 'That will not work for me, I am beyond such a simple thing'. I said that over and over when I had GAD, but when I persisted it began to work. Thank you for your love, and a big hug to you. :):):):):)
 

Abc0710

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I have a 2/19 (next Monday) pelvic and abdominal u/s scheduled but drinking myself literally crazy checking for spotting every 30 minutes for the last 10 days. Every little thing screams cancer to me and I don’t think I can last until next Monday. I’m a complete mess. A few days ago, I was feeling positive, but I saw a dab of pink when I wiped today and lost my mind. So scared of the results so I want to keep the original appt but want to know what’s up asap too. I just want to have a good year, my son is graduating from high school in May, I don’t want to be sick…I know I sound insane right but no one but you guys would understand…
This is me right now except mine is with MRI. I had ultrasound last month and I remember the day leading up to the appointment I was a mess. Then turned out it was nothing :) now I have mri appointment coming up because I have been having back pain and sciatica and I’m literally having nightmares about going to mri. It sucks but I know how you feel - I really try not to think about it too much.
 

kammie72

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Well, i had my pelvic u/s this afternoon. Now I just wait for the report. I haven't been thinking about those results because i've been even more scared about other symptoms that have popped iup. the last three times I worked out, my urine has been pretty dark, almost dark yellow/honey colored immediately after I worked out, but cleared up after hydration. It's only looking like that after my workouts. I've been talking multivitamins, started fasting for 18 hours a day and doing keto. I was thinking these changes could be a factor, but maybe not. maybe my kidneys are failing. I'm trying to hydrate, and really hydrated before the last workout, but the dark urine still showed up after the workout but again, cleared up right after hydrating. sadistic google searching just uncovered bad things when you have darker urine in color of honey!
 

Sweet T

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Well, i had my pelvic u/s this afternoon. Now I just wait for the report. I haven't been thinking about those results because i've been even more scared about other symptoms that have popped iup. the last three times I worked out, my urine has been pretty dark, almost dark yellow/honey colored immediately after I worked out, but cleared up after hydration. It's only looking like that after my workouts. I've been talking multivitamins, started fasting for 18 hours a day and doing keto. I was thinking these changes could be a factor, but maybe not. maybe my kidneys are failing. I'm trying to hydrate, and really hydrated before the last workout, but the dark urine still showed up after the workout but again, cleared up right after hydrating. sadistic google searching just uncovered bad things when you have darker urine in color of honey!
Glad you ultrasound is finished. You should be proud for taking care of yourself. Best of luck!
 

SB2017

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Thinking of you while you wait for results. I had my pelvic u/s appt scheduled but i had to cancel because we had a snow day and i had no one to watch my daughter. It was nice because it took away the worry but i know i have to eventually do.
Keep us updated!
 

kammie72

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@SB2017 Thank you so much! I will keep you posted. I see a notification in the portal from my dr but I'm afraid to look at it. When I had the scan, I asked the tech if she saw "anything scary," and she said no. But I know they're not supposed to say anything, only take pics, and I know my dr can come back with things that need to be addressed. I'm hoping if there's something bad, they'd call, and not just send a message through the portal. I'm afraid to look and see "please give me a call" in the portal.

I hear you on the snow day delay. you must be on the east coast - we had a snow day here yesterday in the ny area. I totally understand wanting to delay all the worry but I'm really glad I moved the appt up. one step closer to peace of mind although I now have to power through the results piece.

When is your rescheduled appt? I'll be thinking of you too!!!
 

SB2017

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@SB2017 Thank you so much! I will keep you posted. I see a notification in the portal from my dr but I'm afraid to look at it. When I had the scan, I asked the tech if she saw "anything scary," and she said no. But I know they're not supposed to say anything, only take pics, and I know my dr can come back with things that need to be addressed. I'm hoping if there's something bad, they'd call, and not just send a message through the portal. I'm afraid to look and see "please give me a call" in the portal.

I hear you on the snow day delay. you must be on the east coast - we had a snow day here yesterday in the ny area. I totally understand wanting to delay all the worry but I'm really glad I moved the appt up. one step closer to peace of mind although I now have to power through the results piece.

When is your rescheduled appt? I'll be thinking of you too!!!
That’s so promising that the tech said they didn’t see anything bad! I always try to ask too, and some will say and some won’t even give a hint. They can get in trouble for saying anything so I would assume they were sure they didn’t see anything or they wouldn’t have said anything. It all sounds very promising!!
And yes, I am also in the NY area. At least by me, it was a joke of a snow day. Everything was clear by 2-3pm!
I haven’t rescheduled yet because I want to make sure that it doesn’t interfere with my period but I will. Just enjoying not having an upcoming appt but I have to just bite the bullet and do it!
 

kammie72

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ok checked the portal. Dr said cysts she wanted to look at have resolved itself. ovaries are normal, few small cysts and no other follow-up in needed at this time. phew! A few more screenings to go and then I can live...

and @SB2017 that was indeed a joke of a snowstorm! Totally understand you wanting to enjoy not having an upcoming appt. You can do it! the stress about these is all too much. my blood pressure was high with worry but I am breathing a sign of relief for now. It'll be okay for you, you'll see...
 
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