Struggling after the death of a loved one

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Someone very special to me passed over the weekend. He has been sick for a long time and was in a lot of pain and misery, so it was time for him to rest. But it has kind of sent me on a spiral - I think it's just on top of all of the uncertainty and craziness going on. I have been under so much stress with work, trying to finish out the school year with my son at home, separation from family, etc. I don't feel healthy enough to handle grief or anything else. I know grief is part of life, but my mental health is just really suffering at the moment - I have been in a constant state of panic/anxiety since Friday night. It feels scary even though it's nothing new. Is anyone else completely overwhelmed right now?

 

[Bobnnat]

Hi Hurt,

Sorry for your loss. While I fortunately am not having to deal with such a loss, I am absolutely feeling overwhelmed by everything. On top of that I’ve been managing some tooth pain. I‘ve known the tooth must come out, but we’ve been putting off the extraction of course. Now looks like it’ll have to be done as an emergency, since that’s the only dental work allowed. So, the normal anxiety, coupled by this Covid thing and now the tooth pain is starting up again.

So, you’re certainly not alone with stressors. All we can do is try to cope on a day to day or even a moment by moment basis.

Bob

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Hi Hurt,

Sorry for your loss. While I fortunately am not having to deal with such a loss, I am absolutely feeling overwhelmed by everything. On top of that I’ve been managing some tooth pain. I‘ve known the tooth must come out, but we’ve been putting off the extraction of course. Now looks like it’ll have to be done as an emergency, since that’s the only dental work allowed. So, the normal anxiety, coupled by this Covid thing and now the tooth pain is starting up again.

So, you’re certainly not alone with stressors. All we can do is try to cope on a day to day or even a moment by moment basis.

Bob

Thanks, Bob- and I'm so sorry. Tooth pain is the WORST and definitely raises anxiety. I hope you can get it taken care of quickly and without more stress.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Hurt and Hopeful, I'm also sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry that this person who you lost was suffering before he passed away.

When you lose a loved one who is suffering, you don't want to see them continue suffering near the end of their lives. But, at the same time, you don't want to lose them either. It's a real mixture of emotions.

 

[TDub]

Hurt , I’m sorry about your loss . I recently lost my father, the day after my birthday. I had already been dealing with high anxiety before and that really didn’t help. My father too was suffering with Congestive Heart Failure . I take comfort in knowing he’s no longer suffering and is now at peace. Once again sorry for your loss . God Bless

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

I'm sorry you lost your father recently, TDub.

 

[Cuchculan]

Have lost a few close friends at this stage in my life. Been an anxiety sufferer, I think just getting through everything was the first thing on my mind. Not sure if that comes across as cold or anything. But it was about looking after number one. Which was myself. With the virus and that I am not sure how they are doing funerals were you live. Over here it is family members only. Might only have 5 or 6 people at the funeral. Just the way it is right now. A few people have died from the road I live on since the virus began. Old people. I liked them. But I knew I would not have to go to a funeral and that was actually a bit of a relief for me. Sounds bad. I know. Loss is never easy. With so much going on it can become even harder to deal with. I am useless in Churches. Sat through a 2 hour funeral once. Thought it would never end. Loved the girl to bits. But they dragged that funeral out. Me there trying to remain calm in a packed Church. Just take things as they come. Let out any tears that might want to be let out. Might hate funerals but I did still feel the loss of the many friends who have died over the years. Might sound cold to even say it gets easier as they mount up. First one was the hardest of them all. By the fourth one it didn't seem as bad. Because I had been there before a few times. I know I sound cold in writing this. Just how my anxiety mind goes to work at such times.

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Have lost a few close friends at this stage in my life. Been an anxiety sufferer, I think just getting through everything was the first thing on my mind. Not sure if that comes across as cold or anything. But it was about looking after number one. Which was myself. With the virus and that I am not sure how they are doing funerals were you live. Over here it is family members only. Might only have 5 or 6 people at the funeral. Just the way it is right now. A few people have died from the road I live on since the virus began. Old people. I liked them. But I knew I would not have to go to a funeral and that was actually a bit of a relief for me. Sounds bad. I know. Loss is never easy. With so much going on it can become even harder to deal with. I am useless in Churches. Sat through a 2 hour funeral once. Thought it would never end. Loved the girl to bits. But they dragged that funeral out. Me there trying to remain calm in a packed Church. Just take things as they come. Let out any tears that might want to be let out. Might hate funerals but I did still feel the loss of the many friends who have died over the years. Might sound cold to even say it gets easier as they mount up. First one was the hardest of them all. By the fourth one it didn't seem as bad. Because I had been there before a few times. I know I sound cold in writing this. Just how my anxiety mind goes to work at such times.

You don't sound cold at all, Cuchculan. We all deal with grief in different ways, and they are all valid. I don't live close to this family anymore (different continent), so being with them is not possible. There was no big funeral, since they are in a hot spot for the virus. It's just all very strange - I don't know how to feel, and anxiety is just really over the edge. Regular coping strategies are not really working, and I think it's just because there is nothing regular about the world right now. We will all get through it.

 

[TDub]

Thank you MainerMikeBrown

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Hurt , I’m sorry about your loss . I recently lost my father, the day after my birthday. I had already been dealing with high anxiety before and that really didn’t help. My father too was suffering with Congestive Heart Failure . I take comfort in knowing he’s no longer suffering and is now at peace. Once again sorry for your loss . God Bless

I'm so sorry, @TDub . Death and grief are complicated enough without anxiety on top of it - we tend to struggle so much with any life change anyways. Peace to you.

 

[TDub]

Thank you Hurt & Hopeful
My father and I were estranged for years. He left when I was just an infant. I remember meeting him for the first time when I was 9. That was in 1979. As the length ears went on he and I developed a really good relationship. It wasn’t until the last 6 months or so before his death that he opened up about his struggles with anxiety. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone. He was able to give me some solid advise on how to deal with it. The regret I have was that I never opened up to him about my struggles earlier. I’m thankful for the time that I did spend with him talking about anxiety.
Years. Sorry

 

[Hurt&Hopeful]

Thank you Hurt & Hopeful
My father and I were estranged for years. He left when I was just an infant. I remember meeting him for the first time when I was 9. That was in 1979. As the length ears went on he and I developed a really good relationship. It wasn’t until the last 6 months or so before his death that he opened up about his struggles with anxiety. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone. He was able to give me some solid advise on how to deal with it. The regret I have was that I never opened up to him about my struggles earlier. I’m thankful for the time that I did spend with him talking about anxiety.
Years. Sorry

What a neat story of reconnection. Thanks for sharing. I think any time someone we love dies, our tendency is to focus on regrets instead of celebrating the good things. It sounds like you were able to build something special with your dad, and you have nothing to regret. Maybe that was just the right time for both of you...
And thank you, everyone, for your kind words.

 

[TDub]

Well said. I couldn’t agree more.

 

[Siphonophorae]

When I lose members of my family and some friends I make sure there is something I remember them with. Even a small thing like their favorite food or a picture they took, I will remember that. That’s what I did when for the first time I accidentally forgot their name for a while. It was awful... but now I have a little memo for the friends and family I lost.