Sometimes I feel like I’m seeking attention and don’t listen to people when they have problems

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

Every day of my life, when there was something on my mind that was driving me crazy. Before I got on social media, I had to tell SOMEBODY about my problems and most of them don’t want to listen to me even though I’m told to listen to THEM. Throughout my childhood, I was told to get over myself. When I became part of social media, I had the freedom to express my opinions and experiences. Despite that, many people online had accused me of being an attention seeker. When I tried defending myself, they will reply “this is why nobody wants to listen to you lol”.

Many narrow-minded people tend to believe that social media is the main source why true communication is dying when it’s really not. Here are some examples I found on Quora:

“Its not just you !
People don't focus on each other anymore.
Over stimulated, self centred, mutilated by insidious ideologies, all to make one and all, a customer to the global economy.
We the people have gone slightly mad. Loosing sight of our humility and interest in our own divinities, falling out of favor for one another.
I- phone, selfie, me me me. Another human cannot compete for an interest, unless, you are useful for their self ambition.
Today's world is lacking in love and true friends, we more or less network,, upload our twerk, like we are a cooperation, with no salvation as far as I can see. Whose going to bring a stop to me me me ?”
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-treatment-for-hair-loss-1
“The art of interpersonal communication is dying.

When I was teaching, I feared that this was happening. The students did not know each other’s names even though they had been sitting next to each other for half the school year!

My possible explanation is that phones and digital media have been robbing people of effective communication skills.

Perhaps this is why we turn to Quora and are grateful for it. Perhaps Quora is helping keep some of our communication skills alive.

So the fine art of listening…and the PROCESSING of the information others are trying to say to us, is vital.”

I want to point out that Quora is ALSO a social media platform which I find to be hypocritical when people are shaming social media in general but tend to praise Quora. I also feel it’s wrong to judge younger generations as attention-seeking and all about “me me me” when they could be struggling from the same issues I have. I believe the real source of people being selfish and not listening to others is not social media, but of themselves. I know that is certainly off topic of the main post I’m talking about but I had to link this to explain the issues in society.

It’s sad how when we try to find an alternative to having a voice (online for example) because of the bad experiences we’ve had and yet people who don’t understand us will shame us for thinking about only ourselves. This is the problem that society tends to behave towards the experiences of younger generations such as myself. Yes I know that of itself is a generational thing, but it’s actually a lot harder to be understood back then when Boomers and Gen Xers were young and had limited access to technology, most certainly before the 90s the internet was not a thing. The problem seems to have gotten worse now because older people tend to blame everything on technology all while dismissing others’ experiences. Being dismissed in face to face conversations was bad enough, but it’s now gotten to the point where internet trolls have thrived and flame wars have become common. People like me are now carrying the guilt that they might be right, I most certainly have as I now question whether I should be expressing myself or not. I’m sure there are plenty of others who faced worse than I have but either way, it’s still sad.

 

[Jonathan123]

Every day of my life, when there was something on my mind that was driving me crazy. Before I got on social media, I had to tell SOMEBODY about my problems and most of them don’t want to listen to me even though I’m told to listen to THEM. Throughout my childhood, I was told to get over myself. When I became part of social media, I had the freedom to express my opinions and experiences. Despite that, many people online had accused me of being an attention seeker. When I tried defending myself, they will reply “this is why nobody wants to listen to you lol”.

Many narrow-minded people tend to believe that social media is the main source why true communication is dying when it’s really not. Here are some examples I found on Quora:

“Its not just you !
People don't focus on each other anymore.
Over stimulated, self centred, mutilated by insidious ideologies, all to make one and all, a customer to the global economy.
We the people have gone slightly mad. Loosing sight of our humility and interest in our own divinities, falling out of favor for one another.
I- phone, selfie, me me me. Another human cannot compete for an interest, unless, you are useful for their self ambition.
Today's world is lacking in love and true friends, we more or less network,, upload our twerk, like we are a cooperation, with no salvation as far as I can see. Whose going to bring a stop to me me me ?”
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-treatment-for-hair-loss-1
“The art of interpersonal communication is dying.

When I was teaching, I feared that this was happening. The students did not know each other’s names even though they had been sitting next to each other for half the school year!

My possible explanation is that phones and digital media have been robbing people of effective communication skills.

Perhaps this is why we turn to Quora and are grateful for it. Perhaps Quora is helping keep some of our communication skills alive.

So the fine art of listening…and the PROCESSING of the information others are trying to say to us, is vital.”

I want to point out that Quora is ALSO a social media platform which I find to be hypocritical when people are shaming social media in general but tend to praise Quora. I also feel it’s wrong to judge younger generations as attention-seeking and all about “me me me” when they could be struggling from the same issues I have. I believe the real source of people being selfish and not listening to others is not social media, but of themselves. I know that is certainly off topic of the main post I’m talking about but I had to link this to explain the issues in society.

It’s sad how when we try to find an alternative to having a voice (online for example) because of the bad experiences we’ve had and yet people who don’t understand us will shame us for thinking about only ourselves. This is the problem that society tends to behave towards the experiences of younger generations such as myself. Yes I know that of itself is a generational thing, but it’s actually a lot harder to be understood back then when Boomers and Gen Xers were young and had limited access to technology, most certainly before the 90s the internet was not a thing. The problem seems to have gotten worse now because older people tend to blame everything on technology all while dismissing others’ experiences. Being dismissed in face to face conversations was bad enough, but it’s now gotten to the point where internet trolls have thrived and flame wars have become common. People like me are now carrying the guilt that they might be right, I most certainly have as I now question whether I should be expressing myself or not. I’m sure there are plenty of others who faced worse than I have but either way, it’s still sad.

There are so many points. both positive and negative to the issues you raise. I am much older than you and remember the days when we only had the old steam radio!
That was when people communicated with each other by talking, and there was so much more caring. You are so right when you talk about 'me, me, me'. That's what it all seems to be about. In other words selfishness abounds. Now as we live in the world of opposites, good bad, light dark, it follows the the good will always be there also. So many devote their lives to helping others. But sadly the pendulum has swung well over to the wrong side, and real caring is getting more rare. Anxiety is so often caused by the lack of understanding from those who should know better. It's not so much the lack of knowledge but the lack of the desire to even try and understand. 'It's only nerves'. Only!
The question arises because of this issue, why do we need social media? The companies know why. They are billionaires and prey on the venerable in society. We used to communicate by letter, now we can't even be bothered to write to one another, it has to be by email. Of course, it's fine for families to be able to talk to one another, but there is always a flip side to it all. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to personal comments, especially about their appearance. In the UK we have had cases of suicide where young people have been hounded into it by their peers. No doubt it occurs in the US as well. The danger is that we take it all so personally. I have reached the age where if I am happy in my own skin, and act with love and compassion then to hell with the rest. Water off the duck's back sums it up! John Dunne said 'no man is an island'. That is so true. We do need each other, but we don't need judgement or criticism in anxiety. You should not feel any guilt about it all. You are not personally responsible, and like most on here are a sensitive person who can see beyond the 'me'. Yes it is sad that society has and is still drifting in the wrong direction. Maybe, just maybe, we will wake up one day to the problems that confront us and stop putting our heads in the sand.

 

[Will Power]

Being dismissed in face to face conversations was bad enough

That's often my experience irl. My voice is not strong and commanding. I never learnt good projection. So a stronger, more articulate voice will easily make me sound unwise and incompetent.
So social media and texting gives me equality. Even superiority sometimes.

 

[Strawberry Banana Sundae]

That's often my experience irl. My voice is not strong and commanding. I never learnt good projection. So a stronger, more articulate voice will easily make me sound unwise and incompetent.
So social media and texting gives me equality. Even superiority sometimes.

I agree with your statement. It’s awful that people love to shame others for trying to have a voice in order to appease their own beliefs.

 

[Jonathan123]

I agree with your statement. It’s awful that people love to shame others for trying to have a voice in order to appease their own beliefs.

We maybe need to understand that most people who are pushy and arrogant and who thrust their opinions and are always right, are very unhappy and unstable people. In psychology it's called 'compensation'. Inside lurks a very unhappy and unstable person who tries to be better than everyone else to compensate for their feeling of unworthiness. I once asked a landlord of a pub how he never fell out with his customers who voiced strong opinions. He said 'I just say, oh well, you may be right'. May be! No committal! Arguing with such people is a big mistake, especially if we have anxiety. It can cause considerable upset and is best avoided.

 

[MATD]

I agree with Jonathan. I have found myself feeling the need to compensate for my own lack of confidence. I think it’s a human nature thing that occurs naturally so as to protect ourselves. But as recovery has progressed, the need to compensate has slowly dwindled as I begin to feel better about myself and who I am as a person. It’s good that you can voice these feelings or observations about yourself. It gets them out in the open so you can look at them more clearly. That takes courage. In fact, it inspired me to reveal my own feelings in this post. Thank you. And let me add, it’s nothing to feel ashamed of or beat yourself up over. Consider it enlightenment.

 

[Will Power]

Inside lurks a very unhappy and unstable person who tries to be better than everyone else to compensate for their feeling of unworthiness

Thought you were describing me. Interestingly, I feel more competitive as I get older. I try harder to get an edge. In my defence I will say this. Life is a competition to some extent. If we have the edge, we make ourselves more financially secure. Less likely to get fired if we become valuable to our employer. I see nothing wrong in striving to be better .
The problem is socially. Any hint of arrogance is a turn off. And lack of empathy. If I am striving to be the best I can be, and you are just floating in a relaxed way, it may be hard for me to empathise with you.

I once asked a landlord of a pub how he never fell out with his customers who voiced strong opinions. He said 'I just say, oh well, you may be right'. May be! No committal! Arguing with such people is a big mistake, especially if we have anxiety. It can cause considerable upset and is best avoided.

I used to be the quiet person tolerating such talksholics. But now I just walk away. Or even worse, be the talkaholic. The one with dogmatic views. I've become the very thing I didn't like !!