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Some pretty crazy news, blindsided - haha

bin_tenn

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I grew up with three siblings, and we all share and were raised by the same biological parents. When I was younger, I had this idea that my family was sort of the picture perfect family, loving, supportive, full of humor, etc. It wasn't until I was quite a bit older, I think when I was into my 20s, that I learned that the family (including extended family) wasn't as "perfect" as it once seemed. There were no huge "OMG the family is ruined" secrets, just your typical "holy crap, I had no idea so and so had a shady past" kinda thing. Haha.

Anyhow, love the fam. I still enjoy visiting extended family for gatherings and other family events. All is ultimately well. My brother has done a ton of research into our ancestry using the Ancestry site. He has the paid subscription which provided access to a lot of great documents, photos, etc. The family tree he has on there is quite extensive, particularly on Dad's side because Mom's side is much more unknown to us. We were pretty much always around Dad's family growing up, and much less around Mom's.

After Dad passed in 2014 my brother and I learned a lot of the shady things in his past. Again, nothing that was Earth shattering, but still completely unknown to us - and quite surprising. We learned, for example, that he was married once or twice before he met our mother. No kids from those marriages, and they didn't last more than a year or two. He was in a really bad place at the time.

Fast forward to this morning. My brother calls me and informs me that someone reached out to him on Ancestry who has no obvious link to us. The guy said he was seeking information on his biological parents, particularly father (he's found out his mother at this point). Come to find out, through Ancestry DNA, this guy has quite a DNA match to my brother's DNA profile. 25% ... Twenty. Five. Percent. This percentage is very common in half siblings. The guy fairly closely resembles the other men in dad's side, including my brother and myself (there are strong genetics here, we've already noticed that).

Our dad and this guy's biological mother went to the same high school. They were both about 17 years old at the time. He's been told that his "parents were teenagers and had no choice" (but to put him up for adoption). If our dad was indeed this guy's father, he may not have even known before he passed. There is no father on his birth certificate.

This is just nuts! My brother is trying to gather some more info and hopefully connect with the guy via phone. This is not confirmed yet, but all signs point to this being the case. Wow... :O

Our half sibling, if it's true, was born in 1970, roughly a decade before our mom and dad met. And he's 12 years older than my brother.
 

Cuchculan

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This will be one that will have to be checked out in full. I mean not just via any web site. Best thing to do, if there are claims he is part family, is a real life test. One sure fire way of finding things out.

I would ask is it the worst thing ever? Probably not. Like you said, your own late father probably had no idea himself. Things were a bit different years ago. From kids, to splitting up, all came with a bit of a stigma. Unlike today.

Case of finding out as much as possible. Then asking this other person is he willing to do a real test, just to make things certain.
 

bin_tenn

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Indeed. My brother and I talked about those things today, if it comes down to it and other details check out. But it also depends on the guy's intentions. He may want to know his biological father for personal reasons and then move on, or he may want to connect with any potential half siblings. Only time will tell. We'll cross those bridges when we get to them.
 

Cuchculan

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First question -

Are you rich?

If he answers yes - welcome to the family. If he answers no - you have the wrong family mate. :p
 

bin_tenn

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First question -

Are you rich?

If he answers yes - welcome to the family. If he answers no - you have the wrong family mate. :p
Haha! Well his biological mother apparently confirmed to him that our dad is his dad. He texted my brother about that last night. He should be calling my brother today and is supposed to provide more details, which should confirm it for us. We'll see.
 

MATD

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It’s a crazy world. I did some digging on my grandmother for my mom. I found out that she had been married before she married my grandfather, but couldn’t find any divorce record. My mom and her sister were literally floored. I never knew my grandparents. They had passed before I was born. What is it with keeping these things secret like they used to do? Was it shame or something else? I remember as I grew up that we siblings were often told “ little kids should be seen and not heard.”
 

bin_tenn

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It’s a crazy world. I did some digging on my grandmother for my mom. I found out that she had been married before she married my grandfather, but couldn’t find any divorce record. My mom and her sister were literally floored. I never knew my grandparents. They had passed before I was born. What is it with keeping these things secret like they used to do? Was it shame or something else? I remember as I grew up that we siblings were often told “ little kids should be seen and not heard.”
Traditionally, I believe it was socially unacceptable to get divorced, just as it was frowned upon to have children out of wedlock.
 
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