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Really Bad Day Today I’m feeling Emotionally Drained

Logan01

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Aug 12, 2024
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It’s been one of those days. I woke and tossed and turned for over an hour and could not shut my mind off to save my life. I lost sleep and woke up with my first panic attack in about 8 weeks. I was one of those episodes where I could not unclench my teeth or stop thinking about the same thing over and over and over…

Thank goodness for my Lorazepam which really works. Thank goodness for my aunt who listens and understands my strife. I have a very good coworker too who listens. Some people make me feel like a nobody and that I’m a bad, immature person for worrying so much about what I do. I’m thankful for those who listen.

My best friend is traveling and flying to a dangerous part of the world in Asia. I’ve been so worried for his safety and comfort on these long flights and into vastly different countries. What if he gets food poisoning? What if he becomes malnourished? What if there’s a police raid and he’s arrested and taken hostage? I never truly feared China until someone I care about actually went there. I hope and pray he stays safe and gets home safe and this nightmare can be behind both of us

My group back home is having their 2 dogs plus a new puppy to our rental home. It makes me so uncomfortable having the dogs in the house and the possibility of them peeing or pooping on furniture. I’m afraid the tiny puppy could get hurt by the bigger dogs. I’m expected to babysit the dogs for one evening while my friends go out to a football game. Wish my luck, please! There is so much that could go wrong here and I’m pulled right into the middle of this upcoming cluster this weekend.

Hurricane blowing into Georgia this week, ugh! I’ve heard so many horror stories of trees falling and crushing cars and long term power failures. I’m afraid of going to our rental home and finding 6 inches of water in the basement and foundation/plumbing damage. Any wind over 40mph scares me. At least my primary home is on a hill and in a much more sturdy and safe building.

I literally cannot shut my mind off after work and at night. I clench my teeth and replay conversations with my boss and let my mind run wild with crazy hypothetical situations. I don’t say it often, but I feel like I’m going crazy right now. I can’t relax at all on the weekends due to my racing mind about work, the disgusting mess the rental house I’m in is about to turn into with possible flooding, leaks, and pet messes, and constant fear for the safety of my friend overseas. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends but sometimes they can be complete slobs and make it uncomfortable for me to stay in my house, especially with the dogs. Just so much to deal with right now.

Sorry for the long post, I’m really going through a tough time this week.
 
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