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Feb 23, 2019
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Today I had my first therapy session and it went well. It was nice just even being able to talk about it and organize my thoughts and get feedback from a professional. I also contacted a friend of mine and told him we should do a boy’s night after finals. I went into work feeling more positive than I have since the breakup. I talked with my parents a bit and helped them out a bit around the house, nothing major but it gave us an opportunity to just talk. And overall I gotta say I’m no where near ok, but I’m better off than I was.

I’ve thought about it I really want to try taking baby steps with everything. I don’t want to plan big trips with my friends or take on enormous projects right now. I just want to focus on doing small things. Taking care of small stuff I’ve been putting off that don’t take a lot of time to do. Spend some time shooting the breeze with my friends. Going to the movies with my family.

I think my mistake in the beginning of the breakup was that I was going in the right direction, but taking enormous steps and I fell. I went on a big camping trip with my buds. I went all the way to Arizona to spend time with my aunt and uncle for spring break, and I went on a tinder date a week after ending things with Marie. They were great distractions and they made me feel better, but once they were over and done with I found myself at rock bottom again. It wasn’t that any of these things were bad ideas or bad ways of coping. They were just way too much and all at once right after a really damaging breakup.

So I’m trying to go easy right now. Take care of the things that need to be done right here where I am before running away somewhere and trying to forget what happened. I thought the way I’d heal was by thinking about it and dealing with the emotions, but the reality is all that’s doing is trapping me in a dark place. I need to deal with the emotions and let them out, but I shouldn’t dwell on them.

I’m still hurting a lot, even now I’m feeling kinda depressed, but today was a good day comparatively speaking. I just hope I can keep this up. My anxiety now is that things will get difficult and I’ll give up and go back to sulking. I’ve done this before where I get all amped up and ready to change my life and lose interest and never follow through. I can’t do that now. I’m really scared that I’ll mess everything up and ruin my progress.

Right now I’m feeling really sad again because it’s late and there’s no one to talk to. I’m a bit of an insomniac. I know the answer is just go to sleep, but it’s hard for me to fall asleep right now.

I just hope I’m moving in the right direction. I hope I start following through on stuff and not get discouraged. If I do get discouraged I’ll try to come here for support. Thank you all for your guidance. I hope I don’t disappoint you or end up making another post about wanting to die. I want to get better and I’m hoping I can keep up this attitude.

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He Man

Active Member
Sep 21, 2018
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Good stuff..
And I feel you, about fearing that you'll go backwards again. Just take one day at a time. And realize if u do have a bad day, you've proven to yourself that u can recover..
I also get insomnia when I'm stressed.. but once the mind relaxes, sleep will come. I don't know about you, but at least when I'm awake- I get a lot of reading done.. /peace