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Pending legal troubles

NuckingFutz

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So short back story,

I got into some trouble a while back, went for a few drinks with some guys from work. Needless to say I made some very irresponsible decisions and was arrested for DWI 1st offense. I’m not looking for any sympathy for what I did, I know it was wrong and should have never happened. Luckily nobody was hurt (including myself). But ever since I’ve have felt the lowest of the low, this giant dark cloud is constantly following me around, I feel lost, I feel like I honestly won’t survive this. I have let my wife down, I’ve let my daughter down, I’ve let my entire family down. All I’ve wanted to do since is try and sleep, but I can’t sleep or eat or function at all.I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression issues but this is like nothing I’ve ever experience in my life. I feel like my life is over. Worried my wife will leave me. It’s all bad. Moral of the story don’t EVER do what I did!!! Please let this be a lesson to all of you! If I make it through this I’ll never drink another drop. Again not looking for sympathy for my actions, just know that I’m living a literal hell right now...
 

bin_tenn

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I have very strong feelings about this, but I can spare them for the sake of trying to help you. You seem to fully acknowledge that what you did was wrong, and you say you'll never do it again. That's great, so don't do it again.

It's perfectly acceptable if your family is upset or let down by it. But you know what? You're only human, and we all make mistakes; some bigger than others. As I'm sure you know, things could've turned out far worse, but fortunately they did not. Now you get a second chance. So what next?

Well, if that were my relative, I'd get over it. It may take time to not feel upset or let down, but it'll pass. Have you talked to your wife or other family about it, directly? If not, perhaps you can, so you can work it out together. If anyone has some common sense, they'll understand that you made a mistake and mistakes are part of life.

It's equally understandable that you're worried about what they think or what they may do. I'm sure I'd feel the same way in your shoes.

Sit down and have a serious, focused conversation. Figure out how you can make things right for them, and for you.

Good luck.
 

NuckingFutz

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I have very strong feelings about this, but I can spare them for the sake of trying to help you. You seem to fully acknowledge that what you did was wrong, and you say you'll never do it again. That's great, so don't do it again.

It's perfectly acceptable if your family is upset or let down by it. But you know what? You're only human, and we all make mistakes; some bigger than others. As I'm sure you know, things could've turned out far worse, but fortunately they did not. Now you get a second chance. So what next?

Well, if that were my relative, I'd get over it. It may take time to not feel upset or let down, but it'll pass. Have you talked to your wife or other family about it, directly? If not, perhaps you can, so you can work it out together. If anyone has some common sense, they'll understand that you made a mistake and mistakes are part of life.

It's equally understandable that you're worried about what they think or what they may do. I'm sure I'd feel the same way in your shoes.

Sit down and have a serious, focused conversation. Figure out how you can make things right for them, and for you.

Good luck.
Thank you for your kind reply. I know it’s a very sensitive subject to a lot of people, myself included. It was just a severe lapse in judgment and I can’t even begin to explain why I did what I did. I just wish I could escape these thoughts of worst case scenario and made up scenarios in my mind. I wish I could just feel even a semblance of happiness or joy for even a minute, I mean I should, I’m at home with my family not rotting away in a cell somewhere or worse. Im either laying on the couch or laying in bed, I can’t even do normal daily routine things. Like I said I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression but this is a new low for me. Any suggestions on how to feel somewhat normal during all this. I mean this case could take many months and I don’t want this affecting my marriage or my kids. Truly the darkest moment of my life. My wife is tired of me being mopey, she said there’s nothing that can be done until court, which is very true, but I can’t get past these very negative thoughts and feelings.
 

bin_tenn

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My best friend of over 20 years was killed by a drunk driver in March. A friend, a son, a husband, a father - gone, at the age of 32, because of a drunk driver. So yeah, it's rather touchy for me. That's why I said it could have turned out much worse, but it didn't.

It sounds like your wife is being as supportive as possible. As for the thoughts, well, I think a lot of that is perfectly normal for any person in your situation. However, what's abnormal, in a sense, is the fact that those thoughts tend to take control of your daily life. Someone without anxiety would think "wow, what a crappy situation, but I'll continue getting better while we wait to see what happens in court." With anxiety / depression, things just aren't as clear cut. Obviously.

Acceptance is key in overcoming anxiety and the intrusive thoughts. Learn to accept that this is just a part of life. Accept that you made a mistake and you must face the consequences, while also accepting that you have the power to turn things around, positively. This is not the end of the world, by any means. Things will work out, you just have to try your best to maintain a positive attitude / outlook on the situation. Work on bettering yourself, for you and for your family.
 

NuckingFutz

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My best friend of over 20 years was killed by a drunk driver in March. A friend, a son, a husband, a father - gone, at the age of 32, because of a drunk driver. So yeah, it's rather touchy for me. That's why I said it could have turned out much worse, but it didn't.

It sounds like your wife is being as supportive as possible. As for the thoughts, well, I think a lot of that is perfectly normal for any person in your situation. However, what's abnormal, in a sense, is the fact that those thoughts tend to take control of your daily life. Someone without anxiety would think "wow, what a crappy situation, but I'll continue getting better while we wait to see what happens in court." With anxiety / depression, things just aren't as clear cut. Obviously.

Acceptance is key in overcoming anxiety and the intrusive thoughts. Learn to accept that this is just a part of life. Accept that you made a mistake and you must face the consequences, while also accepting that you have the power to turn things around, positively. This is not the end of the world, by any means. Things will work out, you just have to try your best to maintain a positive attitude / outlook on the situation. Work on bettering yourself, for you and for your family.
I’m sorry to hear about your buddy, that’s heartbreaking. Sorry for his friends and family, I will pray for them. I thank god every day that my actions didn’t do that to someone else’s family.

Thank you for trying to help me out of this mental prison I’m in. It’s take a big, kind hearted individual to put aside how they personally feel about certain situation (dui) to help someone who could’ve easily done that to someone else’s family. I really appreciate your kind words.

As big of a screw up this was I am very fortunate it wasn’t the worst case scenario l. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. I can tell you with every ounce of breath I have, IT. WILL. NOT. HAPPEN. AGAIN!

No matter what happens in court, I know I’ve learned something from this and will be a better person because of it.

Thanks again for your kind words!
 

bin_tenn

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Please let us know how things go, if you don't mind. Considering it was first offense, and there was no harm/damage done, I don't imagine the legal system hammering down on you. But you will have to face some sort of consequence, though I'm sure you already know that.

Great group of people we have on this forum, IMO, so don't hesitate to reach out when needed. :)
 

Cuchculan

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Just admit everything in court. Best way to handle it. Agree with everything the judge says. Even if he / she calls you a few names. Might end up with a fine and a driving ban. Just accept it. You made your mistake. The penalty will be the result of making that mistake. If there ever comes a time when you have had drink and you have a car with you, the real test will come. Best thing to do is hand the keys over to the barman. Explain you have a car and you don't want to drive after drinking.
 

Aries

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People used to drive drunk all the time until MADD came along.

The 1970’s were a wild time in the history of drunk driving. At the end of the 1960’s there were over 25,000 drunk driving crashes in the United States, and as the 70’s began it seemed to be widely accepted that someone would just get behind the wheel drunk. That might be because there were few to no penalties, no one lost a driver’s license, and crashes were considered ‘accidents’ that no one really meant to cause.

It was a lax way to look at drunk driving, and after a journalist named Doris Aiken read about a drunk driver who killed two teenagers in New York in 1977, she decided to question the local district attorney about it. When she found out that no one was going to jail and that the driver would get to keep his license, she took steps to create a much-needed change.

 

NuckingFutz

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People used to drive drunk all the time until MADD came along.

The 1970’s were a wild time in the history of drunk driving. At the end of the 1960’s there were over 25,000 drunk driving crashes in the United States, and as the 70’s began it seemed to be widely accepted that someone would just get behind the wheel drunk. That might be because there were few to no penalties, no one lost a driver’s license, and crashes were considered ‘accidents’ that no one really meant to cause.

It was a lax way to look at drunk driving, and after a journalist named Doris Aiken read about a drunk driver who killed two teenagers in New York in 1977, she decided to question the local district attorney about it. When she found out that no one was going to jail and that the driver would get to keep his license, she took steps to create a much-needed change.

Wow very interesting, thanks for the reply!

I do know that MADD has a lot to do with how stiff the penalties are in the United States for dui offenses even first offense. I also know that ‘texting while driving is 6 times MORE dangerous than drunk driving at twice the legal limit’ (Source: NHTSA) but texting and driving doesn’t have anywhere near the social ‘stigma’ as driving drunk. I guess it will take a organization similar to MADD to get the laws rolling on texting and driving.
 

Aries

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Dad and his brother drove drunk all the time. But dad finally got caught when they cracked down and lost his license for a year.
 
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