Panic disorder and marriage

Discussion in 'Panic Disorder' started by Concernedgal, Dec 28, 2016.

  1. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Denial is part of it @Concernedgal. When I was going back and forth to the job centre looking for work my coach referred me over to the disability work coach. I was seriously vexed and told him so through tears and blubbering. Little did I know then that he was a qualified shrink.

    He told me that most people put on an act and say they are depressed or mixed up, suffering from any kind of mental illness just to get out of working. Whereas I was pressing him to help me find work. Sometimes they can place people on work experience and they get offered the job at the end of it. But he said that he noticed that I wasn't well. He said he could tell, despite me refusing to admit it. He was really supportive towards me and he told me that he is always there if I need help. He told me to go and get counselling.

    Originally I was upset that they passed me over to the disability section but since admitting to myself that my head is screwed up, I actually feel a lot better. Acceptance is part of the healing process. It is part of moving forward towards getting the help that I need.

    I can't remember if you were getting counselling? Perhaps talk to a counsellor about this. I do think that denial is part of it though. Your quest to find out if it is, or isn't the symptoms of something physical is a good idea.

    While I was searching for work, I was going along to this disability charity place that was helping me to find work. But the stress of it was giving me panic attacks. I couldn't remember dates that they wanted and I couldn't remember other things. So that is what eventually drove me to my doctor who gave me a blood test to see what my memory problem was all about. He found that there was nothing wrong with me physically and told me that my memory will probably never recover.

    The problem is other people. It is other people who don't understand and don't accept my condition.

    My brother was up visiting last week. I lost my rag on one day over something minor and shouted. I said sorry to him and explained that shouting is a symptom of my mental illness and he said I was wrong.
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  3. Natasha0717

    Natasha0717 Active Member

    Hmmmm....That last pic. I break out in those things all over my stomach and thighs from time to time and I have no clue why. They're not exactly hives, more like welts or "wheels". Not one doctor can find the cause or diagnose me with what they actually are. Some have hinted that it's my own immune system attacking for no apparent reason.

    Okay, to answer the original post here, if you love him and he loves YOU, EVEN WITH YOUR ANXIETY ISSUES, then I truly believe you should stay together. Anxiety/panic is a part of you, and it most likely always will be, I am sorry to say. Anxiety has been a part of me my entire life, even now when I have a great psychiatrist, I still have anxiety. It can't really be cured, only treated and controlled. I did not get married because of it. Not only because I would be uncomfortable throughout the entire marriage, but also because I didn't want to be a burden to my husband with my constant problems. I also wouldn't have been the best companion when it would come to social events, etc. So I just stayed far away from marriage. But if your husband loves you even with your anxiety, and you are comfortable in the marriage and it isn't contributing to your anxiety in general, then that's all that really matters.
  4. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    Your wrong? Really? I just think that if your brother could live a day with what we go through. .. then he wouldn't be saying that. Who does he think he is? I mean seriously. He's so perfect tgat he can't except your apology and let it go? Or maybe he did but, still . Even with an explanation he called you a liar. That ticked me off. He should've been more kind and understanding about the whole thing
    janemariesayed likes this.
  5. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Yes, he should have been more understanding, more so because he suffers too. He suffers from anger problems so I do forgive him. But at times it is like walking around on eggshells. He doesn't understand too much about the mind. I know he gets angry because he is frustrated with the life that he has had. Although he doesn't blame me, I know it is because all the family rejected him because he is a reminder of me. We have the same birthdate and it is a reminder of the incest that took place.
  6. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    That's a good point. I didn't think about that. Who knows... he could be going through what we go through everyday. You know ,.. I bet men have different symptoms of an anxiety disorder than we do. Maybe anger is a prominent symptom. It sounds like you and him need to go to therapy together. You 2 have been through alot in your lives and I believe that you have come to grips with the past but, maybe he hasnt. I understand his anger ... And yours.. . Sure, you may never fully except this but, i'm proud of you for all that you've done to move towards healing. It sounds like he should take a page from your book and try to start healing.
    janemariesayed likes this.
  7. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    I wish he would go and get some kind of help. He has told me that he is struggling on a daily basis. It makes him angry and upset when I suffer too, so that shows me that he loves me. So I don't really want him to suffer any more than he already does. So I try to not talk so much about my feelings with him. He has explained to me that it hurts him when he hears those things, so out of respect and love for him, I try to keep it quiet.

    I have read that anger is a side effect. It is a symptom of another thing. Dr. Phil has said it, Ceaser Milan has even said it about dogs! When we feel angry it is because of something else. Anger is always a side effect, a symptom but not a cause or a reason.

    The reason maybe frustration, guilt, emotional hurt, rejection. A number of things it can be. But anger is a symptom of something else. My bro is angry because he is emotionally hurt. He feels pain in his heart. He struggles through life wishing he was gone already. I think he may stop himself because he knows I need him so badly. I do feel guilty for what he has been through. I feel sorry for him. Not in a pitying sense, but in a compassionate sense. We share the same birthdate, and he complains about the same things in our family as I do. I sense their dislike of me because of me being the product of incest, and my brother has suffered as well because of it. He says he was always saying how they hated him because he reminded them of me.

    We are fairly close and there have been times when I have needed to talk. He knew the subject was not one he wanted to talk about, but he talked anyway because he knew I needed to. Now that got heaps of respect from me towards him. I know how hard it was for him to talk about it, but he did, for two days we talked about it until I was finished and didn't need to anymore. God bless him for that. So if he does get a little angry with me sometimes, so be it. He deserves my understanding, love and compassion. Maybe with my understanding, he may start to try to heal a little?
  8. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    There's a difference in being supportive and understanding though and there's a thin line . So be careful. People like to take advantage of kindness. And you are a very kind person.
  9. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Thank you for saying that @Concernedgal I do try to be kind and understanding. But I also see where you are coming from. He should get some kind of therapy but instead, he battles on alone. Sometimes he will tell me how he feels but mostly he keeps it to himself. I know when he is not feeling too great because he goes quiet. He doesn't call me or message me as much when he is feeling low.

    He is difficult at times, but I think I find any face to face relationship difficult at the moment.
  10. Danes

    Danes Pending

    Does anyone here believe in the Law of Attraction? I only ask because I've noticed that there is a lot of searching for answers as to 'why' someone has developed a disorder rather than focusing on how to get better. I would like to know if anyone here believes in that law because it could be the difference between getting better or staying the same for some.

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