Denial is part of it @Concernedgal. When I was going back and forth to the job centre looking for work my coach referred me over to the disability work coach. I was seriously vexed and told him so through tears and blubbering. Little did I know then that he was a qualified shrink. He told me that most people put on an act and say they are depressed or mixed up, suffering from any kind of mental illness just to get out of working. Whereas I was pressing him to help me find work. Sometimes they can place people on work experience and they get offered the job at the end of it. But he said that he noticed that I wasn't well. He said he could tell, despite me refusing to admit it. He was really supportive towards me and he told me that he is always there if I need help. He told me to go and get counselling. Originally I was upset that they passed me over to the disability section but since admitting to myself that my head is screwed up, I actually feel a lot better. Acceptance is part of the healing process. It is part of moving forward towards getting the help that I need. I can't remember if you were getting counselling? Perhaps talk to a counsellor about this. I do think that denial is part of it though. Your quest to find out if it is, or isn't the symptoms of something physical is a good idea. While I was searching for work, I was going along to this disability charity place that was helping me to find work. But the stress of it was giving me panic attacks. I couldn't remember dates that they wanted and I couldn't remember other things. So that is what eventually drove me to my doctor who gave me a blood test to see what my memory problem was all about. He found that there was nothing wrong with me physically and told me that my memory will probably never recover. The problem is other people. It is other people who don't understand and don't accept my condition. My brother was up visiting last week. I lost my rag on one day over something minor and shouted. I said sorry to him and explained that shouting is a symptom of my mental illness and he said I was wrong.