Omegle ruins my life, please help me

[Skela]

Hi everyone. I am 19 years old male from Spain. I am professional soccer player, I have good life but last few weeks I think I had anxious attacks. I am really worried about myself, so before i decide to visit psychiatrist I want to hear some of your advices. Well, I must emphasize that I am Straight male, I have girlfriend already 3.7 years and I am happy with this relationship, really. So, all begin in 2 Jan this year, sometimes when I got tired from trainings and nightlife I just came on omegle to talk with random peoples about football, magic tricks, wars, is all fun. Well, this day something gone wrong (probably...). I was few minutes on omegle but was boring and I switch to porn sites (I didn't was banned). So into xnxx popular videos I saw one guy who selfsuck his own d**. I never saw this thing before, not even mind. This time I was confused (how he can be so elastic like this? did this thing really satisfing him?) and theres begin my horrible mistake, I fkn tried to make this too, lasts only few seconds but I realized that was ******* stupid and quit this ****. Next day, same routine I came from training and after shower I waited my girlfriend to came at me and go out with her. Until i wait on her I enter on omegle and I was damn banned there. What the hell happened? This happened first time? so everything started this moment, I ******* realize probably I forgot omegle camera turned on (although I know that despite the fact that the light is on when camera is turned, the chances are very small), these ashame moments where I try to make gay stuffs probably was monitored there. So my brain exploded, this thing can destroy my life, I can lost my team reputation, girlfriend, career, everything. And all because one ******* mistake what I do for under 1 minute. After this moment 2 weeks I was total confused, my score gone down, coach was worried about me because I was one of highest talents in team, but after few weeks I realize everything is ok, I was ok again. And... after 3 months, this **** again back in my mind. One of my team mates started watching me very weird, he had total strange look at me, without reason. He gone watched me every time when I saw him on trainings and matches. And I realize this **** in my mind (probably someone recorded me, posted this on internet and he saw this) I know, is overthinking, but I cannot take this minds from my head. After these months, these minds started to control me, my form again going down, I lost my road.I'm thinking of quitting football but I don't want to finish like loser because of this stupid mistake. I am sure there is no video recorded, but please help me to realize this, help me to save my life guys, thank you.Omegle ruins my life, please help me

 

[janemariesayed]

Hello, @Skela nice to meet you and a very warm welcome to the forum.

Before I answer your post, can I please ask you in the most kindest and gentle way possible, not to use bad language on here. Some people may find it offensive and then not come on here for help. Please just use the initial on its own rather than the whole word. (F, or WTF or use the angry emoticon. ) There may be younger people who come on here, and even old folk both who we shouldn't really swear in front of. You can show your anger and frustration on here in other politer ways. Thank you and bless you in advance for that.

Your post has made me feel very sorry for you. But I do think that you are letting it get out of hand in your own mind. Okay, so you made a mistake. Yet you obviously felt that you had to try it out and see what it felt like for you. In this day and age, there is nothing wrong with what you did. You tried it and you didn't like it and it made you realise that you are happy in your life with your girlfriend and being straight. At least you know for sure that you are a straight guy now right!

Please don't quit football. Stay in the game and put this ordeal out of your mind completely. Now that it has come back into your mind you seem to be dwelling on it and it is making you feel paranoid that someone may have seen you. You are scared stiff of being put to shame.

Well, it has been months since it happened and I have not seen anything on the news reported about your case.

Think of it this way, if it had by chance gone onto Omegle then they would have deleted it. Okay, so they banned you. That could have been a mistake. Are you back on it yet? If they banned you because they saw what you did, it really would have been deleted by now. They would not leave that on there for others to see.

If someone had recorded it and put it on the internet, you would have known by now. Word would have got out and you would have been the laughing stock of the week. That didn't happen and I hope not ever too. This guy was probably watching you for something in his own mind. Maybe he didn't even realise he was watching you so intently.

I really do think that if there had of been a recording that you would have known about it by now. So don't let it get to you. Put it out of your mind once and for all and focus on the game. Focus on your training and join up with a different football chat group.

And always make sure that your webcam is off unless you are using it. Now laugh at this whole scenario. Put it behind you and look forward to a wonderful life ahead.

 

[Skela]

Thank you a lot buddy, I appreciate it!

 

[janemariesayed]

Thank you a lot buddy, I appreciate it!

Hey @Skela you are so very welcome. Anytime you need help you are always welcome on here. We will always do our best to help if we can. I hope you are feeling better about it all. And I hope to see you on here again soon!

 

[Alexon]

Hi people. Here is (Skela) brother. Let me thanks to janemariesayed who tried to help out on my brother, for his effort and time, I really must appreciate that!! But there.... sad news, but my young brother is dead..... he committed suicide last week. He was very positive and humble guy, he had big heart for all. We all lost a big man. I feel nervous and sad until i write this, I am crying as kid because I didn't see and realize his problem early. He spit it very concretely and sincerely in his message, he was very talented player who promised a lot as a player, but also in life too! Last few months I realized he is worried sometimes but his answer always was because of hard training and the new club, every time he talks don't worry bro, everything will be better. What is sadly, even his girlfriend doesn't knows nothing about this...... she was almost close to him like nobody....... But, my reason why I am here is because of him, YES HIM. Before he made this mistake he saved all these forums where he looked up for help and his last google search was "Persuade them not to become slaves to their own thoughts, which means that the devil has taken over in their lives." next day we received call about his death. He was aware about everything, but didn't tried to call for help.
After all, message to all young people.... I lost my little brother, my lighter side, my best friend, my only hope. DON'T MAKE SAME MISTAKE AS HIM, looks people, read his message, EVERYTHING was his visualization, he didn't had any proofs that someone recorded him, HE personal believed that "chances are minimal" but keeps trust in that. He just was victim of himself psyche people. I can swear nothing was recorded there. He had family, girlfriend, money, career, he had everything and lost it for nothing! one wrong thought became his nightmare and killed him. Also I please to all members on forums, take care for young peoples with these problems, you can save someone life!

 

[Rinka]

@Alexon, you and your family and friends have my sencere condolences.
I'm sorry that you have to though this.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hi people. Here is (Skela) brother. Let me thanks to janemariesayed who tried to help out on my brother, for his effort and time, I really must appreciate that!! But there.... sad news, but my young brother is dead..... he committed suicide last week.

Oh, what terribly sad news @Alexon You and your family have my deepest sympathies. What a terrible shame and a waste of a life. He had so much going for him, how sad.

He did seem to be totally consumed by it but I think it was very doubtful that anyone recorded it. It made him paranoid and embarrassed beyond measure. I am really shocked by this awful and sad news. God bless his soul and lead him safely on his spiritual journey. I will light a candle and say a prayer for him today.

Thank you @Alexon for coming on here to tell us. You, your family and his girlfriend must be feeling very sad, my heart goes out to all of you. We are all here for you if you need to talk.

 

[Concernedgal]

The guy was suffering. I know from experience. There's not a month that goes by that I dont think about doing it. The point is that we live in a world where being mentally ill is still unexceptable to be who we are. Why do we get shunned for being mentally ill? You worry so much that your quality of life.... well..... you have no quality of life. And if you can't be happy then what's the used? I'm am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Concernedgal]

I wasn't trying to sound insensitive. I am sorry for your lost. I just get so frustrated when a life gets taken by there own hands. It's just a shame. I just wish that more funding would be applied to mental illness research . THIS CANNOT KEEP HAPPENING! !. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you guys are going through this. I wish you all the best.

 

[janemariesayed]

It seems that they are thinking more about mental health in the UK. It has been on the news a lot lately and our two young princes have been advocating it as well. A hundred years ago and before mental illness was shunned upon. I think this comes from the old days centuries ago when they thought that those suffering from mental illness were possessed with the devil or demons. It seems that mental illness still has a stigma about it. There should be more help for people and it should be free too.