Sometimes you get put on the spotlight without expecting it and some of our reactions at the time might seem really in hindsight. I've said plenty of wrongs things that have made me worried about the impression I gave other people because of it. While I assume is alright for your brain to analyse things for a little while after it happens sometimes my brain will instead pick up a random memory of a place or time irrelevant. For example, a conversation I had with a friend back when we were in highschool and I missed the point of a comment she made at the time. For sure, it is a silly thing then that we got over within minutes at the time and something that matters even less now. It doesn't las as long as it used to, but my brain still likes to hang on old stuff like that from time to time. Thankfully I don't let it beat me down the way it used to some years ago. Does your brain nags you for silly things from your past?
Well actually, I'm getting this a lot lately. Every memory that comes to me causes pain like a thousand bullets hitting me all at once. I am filled with regrets and am trying to work on forgiving myself for the wrong that I have done in my life.
I can't let go of things that I've done wrong or things that humiliated me or made me look bad. This is getting better with therapy, but I've been convinced for a long time that I was a bad person because of crappy things I've done in the past. I sometimes blame myself for things that I probably shouldn't.
I got so bad with it for some months that I thought that karma would be out to get me. I searched for a karma busting mantra to recite on YouTube and found one. I chanted it day and night for weeks until I started to forget to do it. I've not thought so much about it for the last couple of years but memories still haunt me.
I'm sorry you felt that way, that must have been awful I've also worried that the bad things that happened to me were a result of karma and that I was just getting what I deserved.
Oh God! Tell me about it! In the last couple of years, I began to believe in reincarnation which I never did before. I grew up a Christian and love Jesus, but I was also a pagan. I came to understand about energy and how it works. Then I started to get into chakras and vibrations. I don't know if it is true but I read that mantras have a specific vibration when chanted. Even some prayers are supposed to have certain vibrations that can bring about what is asked for. I've had an amazing spiritual journey and I've reached this point where if energy is eternal, then so must life be. I realised that I saw death as a shifting of the poles. I started to look up who I could have been in my past life and found some amazing results. When I have compared that persons life to my own it all makes complete sense. It also makes me guilty and deserving of the trauma I have had in this life. That is if I was truly that person. That was when I learned that the 8th and most important chakra sits about meter above our heads and it's the chakra that governs all our karma. I think that doing the mantras helped me, even if it was all in the mind it helped me anyway.
I wish I knew what to say @janemariesayed, you have experienced something really big and terrible in your past and I have no idea how tough it must be, but I am happy you are finding things that help you. The reincarnation stuff sounds pretty interesting. I have a friend that has made me see the freeing side of accepting our own mortality and that everything is cyclical. I can't recall my past lives so I figure that if I am reborn it will be starting new just like I did for this life. Either way life is a playground and we constantly learn from it. I used to think I had a defined way of being but each day we are shaping ourselves, who we were a few years ago might not match how we are now as we are constantly taking new experiences. Each moment we are awake we have the freedom to choose what to do. I am glad you are taking therapy @_Lukas and I sincerely hope you can keep healing and look forward to your days without beating yourself down for things in the past.
It is strange how free I do feel. It seems as though death doesn't really exist because it is as you say 'cyclic'. I noticed that with everything having a particular vibration to itself that we can make changes in our lives.
