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My Therapist Is Hurting My Self Esteem

chickentender

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I have PTSD, depression and panic/anxiety disorder.

It's hard for me to find a therapist where I am because I don't drive.

A few years ago, my therapist told me she doesn't know what else she can do to help me and this surprised me because it was at a time when my anxiety was improving for the first time since a traumatic event that spurred it. I tried to find a new therapist, but couldn't due to insurance and transportation limitations, so I continued on with her and I thought things were going well until they randomly weren't again.

I have been to her for couples therapy with my significant other also and she flipped out once then too and told us she doesn't know what more she can do to help us.
Lately, she has been really kind of awful toward me.

I am in NY and I was talking to her about sick family members and asking for advice on how I can balance checking in on them and having very heavy conversations about their symptoms and fears with preserving my mental health when I feel like the things being discussed are starting to spiral me. Instead of helping with suggestions, my therapist flat out told me that this was self absorbed and selfish to even be thinking and that I needed to be there as needed for them no matter what and deal with it because that's what friends and family do. I was shocked and didn't try to explain that I AM there for them but it sometimes takes a toll on me because of what's going on.

Yesterday, I got scared after someone 20 feet from me sneezed and I was downwind of them. I started having panic attacks and crying episodes that night. I texted my therapist for support (something I very rarely do because she tends to just ignore me) and she waited 24 hours to text back no help at all. She just said she "hoped I'm feeling better today".

I suffer with self esteem issues as a result of my depression. I feel like I must be a really crap, annoying person in all for a therapist to be treating me and speaking to me this way and it's spiraling me into a lot of self doubt, worse depression and questioning and picking apart all my decisions and anything I can remember saying or doing from throughout my younger life that I could possibly feel embarrassed about now and it makes me want to bury my head in the sand. I'm questioning whether I am really just a rotten, selfish person. I'm not sure how to proceed with all of this right now when I need a therapist at times, but my therapist is causing more issues and making me feel like a garbage person.

I know that I need therapy sometimes for my issues. But, after this whole thing, I kind of feel too ashamed and embarrassed of myself to open up to another therapist.
 

Mandyhiero

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I would honestly find a new therapist, if I were you. Has she always been like that? Or just recently? Not making excuses for her, but maybe she’s going through some things herself. Do you walk to your current therapist? Could you have a family member take you to another one or take an Uber? I’m sorry I don’t have much more advice to offer, but I would find a new one if at all possible, if I were you.
 

Hurt&Hopeful

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So sorry about this. :( This person sounds like she's in the wrong profession. Lol

Right now is actually a really good time to find someone new because so many therapists are doing online 'telehealth' for the first time. Everyone is in the same boat as you! Nobody is going out! I have been doing it with my therapist, and while it's not the same experience as being in a room with someone and takes some adjustment, it has really been helpful for me during this pandemic. I met with her from my house yesterday, in fact. If you have insurance, there should be a site or number to call to find out what your options are.
 

mollyfin

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If you’re in the city I can give you the name of someone great - I just wish I’d been able to keep seeing him but money troubles prevent it right now.
 

Siphonophorae

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I have a question: did your therapist actually say that you should visit your family all the time? Or did she say to visit even when you feel bad? (Also, your therapist ignoring you sounds like a pretty bad idea. What if there’s an emergency?)
 
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