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My Story

Discussion in 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)' started by Karina Berard, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. Karina Berard

    Karina Berard New Member

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    I was recently diagnosed last year that I have PTSD along with anxiety and panic attacks, I am only 21 years old. I've dealt with too much things in my childhood that I shouldn't have experienced. I've gone through hell and back.
    DCF was called in, I was homeless, moved thousands of times, lived back and forth with my parents since they were divorced, also lived with my aunts and cousins a lot. I've seen terrible things that shouldn't have happened. I've seen my mo overdosed thousands of times. I've been in car crash because she took meds when she wasn't supposed to take while operating a vehicle. I was placed with my dad for 11 years.

    It was my Senior year in high school where I saw the police arrest my dad right in front of me in my driveway because of my so called best friend accused my dad of raping her. I saw my dad in an orange jumpsuit for a month and could only talk to him through the glass on a phone. I constantly was talked to by cops in and out of school for months. constantly in and out of courts and talking to lawyers. It was a never ending nightmare. It went on for 6 months. I've missed several days of school because of this.

    4 months later my brother attacked me, grabbed me, threw me to the ground, got on top of me and choked me while he was under the influence and whatever drug he was on. I punched him in the face to get him off of me. Blood came flying all over me and I cannot stand blood so it made me sick really bad. Cops were called in and saw my brother get arrested. Cops had to calm me down because I went into a really bad panic attack and I couldn't calm down. Eventually they got me to calm down and told them what had happened. The trial and court dates went on for months. To this day I can't be around my brother, I'm still scared of him.

    I've feared from cops since I was 5 years old. To this day I freak out when I see them. My anxiety will kick in and will have an anxiety attack. When they talk to me, I choke up and I can't breathe. They have never treated me bad when they came to the rescue and saved me from incidents, it's the flashbacks I get because of their involvements with me.
     
  2. janemariesayed
    Psychedelic

    janemariesayed Moderator Staff Member

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    Wow, you poor soul @Karina Berard you have really been through it. No wonder you have PTSD and a host of other anxieties. Me too! I had a terrible childhood and now I have PTSD and a host of other problems. The flashbacks are hell, aren't they? Keep your chin up. This illness doesn't define you. The fact that you suffer now, says that the whole thing got to you. And the reason for that is because you care. You love. You love so therefore you will feel pain. Take deep breaths when you feel an attack coming on. It is the best way to deal with it and it works. It will calm you down. The PTSD though is a joke! I don't think there is any remedy or cure. You just have to keep your fingers crossed that there comes a day where your memories feel pleasant instead of like a thousand bullets hitting you all at once.

    We are always here for you.
     
  3. Karina Berard

    Karina Berard New Member

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    Thank you so much, means a lot! Yes flashbacks are definitely hell, especially when I have nightmares every night. When I am having flashbacks I always splash cold water on face and that always helps since it snaps me out of it. I just wish I could be numb again because anniversary's of these events don't help. I cant sleep because I'm scared I wont wake up or that the incidents will appear again. I hope you get better with you PTSD and other anxieties.
     

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