Losing it

[Joe diesel 09]

My Wife and I have been together 2.5 yrs. Married for little over 1 yr. We were madly in love. We both suffer from debilitating anxiety. I guess we feed off each other. It's pushing us apart. I feel it. She has to. She is depressed and sad. I'm getting depressed and my anxiety is slowly killing me I feel. She says it isn't from me, just feels sadness. When she is down, it sets off my anxiety, then hers gets worse too. It's like everyday. We are starting to argue a lot and I can feel our closeness is leaving us. Quickly. Then there's kid problems too. With mine and hers. I feel like we are doomed. And I don't really even know how I feel about it. I'm tired of the stress and anxiety tho. I see the look on her face and then I feel sad, then comes the worked up, anxious feelings that are all to familiar. I'm working later and later because I dread coming home. I know anxiety awaits. I just want it to stop. Please. Just stop.

 

[Bobnnat]

Hi Joe,

Your posts make me sad, both for you and for me. I of course know the beast very well as we all do here. I myself have periods of time when I escape its claws and while I wouldn’t say I’m happy, I’m not miserable. But I know it’s only a question of time until it returns. Another bout of HA. How bad will it be this time? How long will it last? Will this be the episode that finally puts my sanity to an end?

Fortunately (I guess), my wife doesn’t know the meaning of anxiety. She is always positive and I’ve told her if we could stand in each other’s shoes for just a hour, we would both learn so much. Maybe I’d see how to properly think about problems, and she would feel first hand the horror and despair anxiety brings.

All I can say Joe is that I hope things improve for you and your wife, and for me too. For all of us.

 

[Joe diesel 09]

My first wife of 24 yrs didn't understand it. Always told me to snap out of it. Shut it off. You can't do that. She ultimately had an affair with her boss and I started proceedings to end the marriage immediately! Then not to long after I met my current wife whom is a truly beautiful human being inside and out. But she suffers too. And every day my ex wife's words echo in my mind, both of y'all have anxiety. Good luck on makin that work!!! And I honestly think she may have been right. I'm disgusted, hurt, outraged, sad, just so many emotions. I want it to work. But I don't think it will. Between our anxiety and our kids, we never stood a chance. I'm heartbroken. But im tired of being anxious and tore up inside.

 

[Vincent]

We wonder if two people with a disorder like anxiety would be a good match, because they might understand each other's difficulties. I guess it depends on how much of a handle each partner has on their anxiety. In you and your wife's case, it sounds like you could use some help improving that handle. Have either of you seen a therapist? If not, are you open to it?

Living with somebody like your ex, who apparently sees people with anxiety as big babies, can do a number on you. Although you know she lacks understanding and sympathy, it's probably hard not to eventually internalize her criticism. She might be able to recognize somebody with an anxiety disorder, but that doesn't validate her critical attitude toward it.

What are your kids' ages?

 

[Joe diesel 09]

Mine is 26, 25 and 24 all boys, hers are 25, 19 and 11. The 19 yr old is a girl. 2 of my boys are staying with us temporarily and of course the 11 yr old boy.

 

[Vincent]

Have either of you been professionally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder?

 

[Joe diesel 09]

Have either of you been professionally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder

Yes. And we both have suffered for many years too. Our anxiety are very similar, but very different at the same time if that makes any sense. She is the sweetest little thing and shows genuine love but we get each other worked up and not even mean to. And a lot of the time, it's nothing she or I will do, but something with the kids. It can b very disheartening.