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just not sure anymore

Discussion in 'Depression Forum' started by LostMyWay, Jul 9, 2018.

  1. LostMyWay
    Lonely

    LostMyWay New Member

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    Basically I've ruined my life. I used to blame my parents, though now I see that there is no one to blame but myself. I allowed the depression and anxiety to get out of control, and now they have taken everything out of me and also taken everything away from me. Medications just made it worse, therapy made it worse, and I no longer have what it takes to fight this on my own. I can't kill myself, I've tried several times to slice my wrist open though I just can't do it. I hate this, I absolutely hate this. I feel completely alone, yet my anxiety keeps me from talking to people. Even if manage to try I either can't say anything or I just ruin everything.

    I've trapped myself in a cage, and I don't have the key to open it. I already feel horrible, but then when I stop and think about how I actually let loneliness do this to me it just makes me feel really pathetic and feel like a complete failure. I don't know what to do anymore, I just want out of this.
     
  2. janemariesayed
    Goofy

    janemariesayed Moderator Staff Member

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    Don't blame yourself for your illness. You are right that it is probably not your families fault, but there is a reason why it has happened and you feel this way. It could be your serotonin levels which means that medication will help you. If it is something that happened to you that has caused you to feel depressed, then you can get counselling. There is also help and a way out. I know you maybe don't feel this way now but there is a way out of this feeling.

    You say you are lonely. There is a way out of loneliness too. What interests you? Get yourself out and join a group or a club that you are interested in. Such as an art class or lessons or sport. These places are okay for you to go on your own and you would meet people with the same interest and eventually make friends.

    You have done the right thing by recognising that you are not well. It is a physical illness that you have. Intermingled with the mind yes, but there are truly physical symptoms. I'm sorry that meds and counselling didn't work but did you give it time?

    Please come on and chat with us, let us know how you are. You are amongst friends here.
     
    Kaynil likes this.
  3. mayabee
    Thinking

    mayabee New Member

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    Let me emphasize that your illness is NOBODY’S FAULT! Not yours, nor your parents. You got it by a cruel stroke of fate. Your parents would never have wished this on you. You haven’t allowed anything to get out of control, it’s an illness and just like the flu, you can’t control it.
     
  4. mayabee
    Thinking

    mayabee New Member

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    People on this forum are here for you. I CARE ABOUT YOU! A person who has never spoken to you CARES ABOUT YOU!!!! People who you may never meet CARE ABOUT YOU!!!! You’re not alone in this battle! None of this is your fault.
     
  5. Concernedgal
    Depressed

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

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    Your not alone. Your doing fine. You are opening your heart to us and ours to you. If you ask me....thats good start.
    You and I have had interesting conversation on here ..haven't we.
    Your nervousness gets in the way .
    There is no need to be nervous. And btw... you say that you haven't made friends but, that's not true...you have us. I'd like to think that we have you too. If that's not friendship. ....I don't know what is.?
     
  6. Jeffrey Brouillette

    Jeffrey Brouillette New Member

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    You have so much to offer others .You just proved it to yourself by writing what you did .Don't give up. The fact that you have dealt with the anxiety symptoms just proves what a strong person you are. You can help so many others.
     
  7. Claraviolet

    Claraviolet Member

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    I am sorry to say this but I don't get the reasons here. You said you are blaming yourself.....
    1. Are you blaming yourself for not achieving a higher position?
    2. Or is it your current situation?
    Without knowing for what you are blaming yourself, I cant't really say much. If you can't do something like talking to people, you don't have to worry too much about it as of now. You will get there eventually and we don't have to force ourselves to do things that we can't do.
    Well then, dying isn't a sin and I disagree with others who tell that it's a sin and you will be going to hell for it. Now, even though it's not a sin, it's the end point. You wouldn't exist if you die and whatever you are feeling will be lost. Even if you regret in your last moment, you can't undo things. I know this because I tried killing myself once and this isn't something I normally wouldn't share. I regretted it, after I took the sleeping pills. I had many things I wanted to do and by dying, I could never experience many things.
    I would never want anyone to die because the pain, for the living people would be horrible.
     
  8. Concernedgal
    Depressed

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

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    I
    tried to drown myself in the bathroom when I was 14 because of bullying...if it wasn' t for my mother .....I wouldn't be here today. I am grateful to her everyday for giving get me a second chance at life.
     
    Kelculator likes this.
  9. Claraviolet

    Claraviolet Member

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    Bullying is hard to take. I was a victim too but my situation wasn't bad. More like, they said nasty comments about me and I didn't get the information of courses and such.
    So, I don't exactly call that my worse phase, but I wanted to escape from that phase as soon as possible. This was all because I was good at studies and younger than the rest of the kids(not exactly kids). I was doing my masters and that's when all this happened. I got a silver medal at the end... as even some of the teachers disliked me, as I am not the one to praise teachers and ask for extra marks.
    I got three job offers, so I am not gonna complain and you could picture the situation when I say that the person who got the gold medal didn't even get a single job offer.
    That's how it was for me. I despise bullying a lot. I wish for the day when bullying cease to exist.
    I am glad that you were saved :D
     
  10. Kelculator
    Artistic

    Kelculator Active Member

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    I can see you are very frustrated because of your illness... I'm so sorry to know. While these illnesses can be very bothersome and repetitive, making you feel tired and helpless all the time, remember that it is a part of you, the way you think, and it (the way you think) is not always a bad thing.
    I see ppl with anxiety as situation-sensitive. They are very empathetic, sensible, and aware of everything going on around them. Sure, anciety is very horrible, I can tell you that first-hand, but you, your personality, is wonderful because of the way you think. :)
    It will get better, it really will. It make take a lot longer than you imagine, but you will come into terms with yourself. Stay safe.
     

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