I've had enough, I need to rant

[JCP]

If there's one thing that frustrates me the most when it comes to my anxiety, it's the fact it's stopping me from doing the most trivial tasks that shouldn't take a second thought. Today at work I was just sitting, reflecting on the day so far and was trying to figure out what was the smallest thing my anxiety had effected so far that day. I realised that my anxiety had actually made hanging up my coat a social challenge. It made eating an apple at lunch a challenge. This kind of crap makes me crazy. Why so I find these stupid little tasks to be the same level of difficulty as it would be for an average man trying to climb Everest? It's simply not fair. I thought understanding my problem would make things better but it's just making it worse. This is a joke. The way I feel right now I can only describe as a practical joke. I feel totally defeated by my own brain and I feel COMPLETELY hopeless right now. I feel like I'm beyond the crying stage of realising how messed up this all is, and now am getting to the stage where I'm starting simply not to care about anything. Every single minuscule detail of my life is directed by my anxiety. I can't walk around my own house and feel comfortable. That's messed up. I really do feel like there's no way out. I talked to a doctor, I talked to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, whatever the hell she wants to call herself, I talked to my family, I've read books and ever since I set out of this road of trying to fix my problem I've just been getting worse. I'm almost 100% sure there is no way out. I'm done pretending to be positive and smiling at people. I feel like the only thing I haven't turned to is drink and drugs (I do take a natural supplement, it helps my anxiety a little), and I am very proud of that fact but I'm running out of options. I just want this to end. I've had enough. Just needed to rant and get that off my chest. Tough day.

 

[triceps]

Hi JCP. Sounds like you're going through the same type of anxiety I have. I don't know if you read my post in the social anxiety thread I started called "Anxiety Feels Like?. What I posted there will show you how similar we are.

 

[Chris]

Hi JCP. Okay here is a question. What is or are some trivial task that you CAN do without even a second thought? There must be something. And what makes the tasks you can do easily different from the ones that require very much difficulty?

 

[JCP]

Hi JCP. Sounds like you're going through the same type of anxiety I have. I don't know if you read my post in the social anxiety thread I started called "Anxiety Feels Like?. What I posted there will show you how similar we are.

Thanks, it sure sounds similar, specially when you talked about your morning routine. It's getting ridiculous now, I'm struggling to even leave the house in the morning to walk the dog and go to work. I am so paranoid of what people think about me right now, I've just had enough.

 

[JCP]

Hi JCP. Okay here is a question. What is or are some trivial task that you CAN do without even a second thought? There must be something. And what makes the tasks you can do easily different from the ones that require very much difficulty?

Thanks for the reply. Well what I can do is read a book, and I believe the reason I can do that is because it puts my mind in another world for a while. The reason I couldn't hang my coat up without anxiety was me worrying if there would be enough coat hangers for my coat, and if not I would look stupid and humiliated looking for somewhere to put my coat. The difference between the two events being that while reading I totally forget I'm in a public place..

 

[He Man]

Thanks for the reply. Well what I can do is read a book, and I believe the reason I can do that is because it puts my mind in another world for a while..

Reading is a great escape..

Have you ever read Hope and Help for your Nerves (Claire Weekes) ?
It's the best practical guide I've ever read for coping with anxiety.. might be of interest to you. Usually there are inexpensive, used copies on eBay..

What genre is your favorite reading (?)

 

[triceps]

Thanks, it sure sounds similar, specially when you talked about your morning routine. It's getting ridiculous now, I'm struggling to even leave the house in the morning to walk the dog and go to work. I am so paranoid of what people think about me right now, I've just had enough.

Hi JCP. It's great that you're still able to work given what you're going through. I also got to the point of being paranoid and definitely having had enough of incapacitating thinking. Decided, "Screw it", I'm done worrying what others might think of me and did not hide my condition from anyone. How they might react is their problem not mine. I know I'm a good person which is more important than any responses others might have to my inability to do things easily or "normally". This mindset took away my paranoia but didn't help me functionally other than I was able to push myself out of the house easier and interact socially a bit easier.

 

[Chris]

Thanks for the reply. Well what I can do is read a book, and I believe the reason I can do that is because it puts my mind in another world for a while. The reason I couldn't hang my coat up without anxiety was me worrying if there would be enough coat hangers for my coat, and if not I would look stupid and humiliated looking for somewhere to put my coat. The difference between the two events being that while reading I totally forget I'm in a public place..

The solution I would use: find out what it is that you are worried about, and plan in advance for it. So for you before you go to hang up your coat, check beforehand that there is a free hook. If there isn't then just put it somewhere else like on your chair. If it comes to the point where you do get caught going up there and there is no hook, then oh well, **** happens. We all get embarrassed sometimes. Just leave or something or take your coat back with you, or whatever happens happens, let it be. You don't even know for sure what others are thinking, or that they even notice at all really. People are generally self-absorbed, this can be a good thing in a way for people like us because if we do something that is embarrassing, people may not even notice anyway, because they are really only concerned with themselves.

 

[prana]

I absolutely understand what you mean. I would freak out by those thoughts as well. When someone do all these tasks with such ease, you actually know what it feels like because you have done it in the past - but now you can't. This is because your subconsious mind is usually like a white board - but right now it is all scribbled, filled with stress, experiences, thoughts so much that they are the ones bringing you down. You said that reading a book is the only thing that puts your mind at ease - this proves that mindfulness and meditation would help you clear that white board of yours. First of all, you should accept that those tasks are difficult for you because struggling against it does you no good. It's completely ok, just accept the anxiety don't fight it. After that go somewhere quiet and just pause your "life". Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. If any thoughts come to your mind, try to bring your attention back to your breathing. This should lift some of your stress weight but you gotta do it every day for at least 5 mins Just sharing it from personal experience, hope it helps!

 

[antwonizzle]

If there's one thing that frustrates me the most when it comes to my anxiety, it's the fact it's stopping me from doing the most trivial tasks that shouldn't take a second thought. Today at work I was just sitting, reflecting on the day so far and was trying to figure out what was the smallest thing my anxiety had effected so far that day. I realised that my anxiety had actually made hanging up my coat a social challenge. It made eating an apple at lunch a challenge. This kind of crap makes me crazy. Why so I find these stupid little tasks to be the same level of difficulty as it would be for an average man trying to climb Everest? It's simply not fair. I thought understanding my problem would make things better but it's just making it worse. This is a joke. The way I feel right now I can only describe as a practical joke. I feel totally defeated by my own brain and I feel COMPLETELY hopeless right now. I feel like I'm beyond the crying stage of realising how messed up this all is, and now am getting to the stage where I'm starting simply not to care about anything. Every single minuscule detail of my life is directed by my anxiety. I can't walk around my own house and feel comfortable. That's messed up. I really do feel like there's no way out. I talked to a doctor, I talked to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, whatever the hell she wants to call herself, I talked to my family, I've read books and ever since I set out of this road of trying to fix my problem I've just been getting worse. I'm almost 100% sure there is no way out. I'm done pretending to be positive and smiling at people. I feel like the only thing I haven't turned to is drink and drugs (I do take a natural supplement, it helps my anxiety a little), and I am very proud of that fact but I'm running out of options. I just want this to end. I've had enough. Just needed to rant and get that off my chest. Tough day

I beg you not to turn to drinking. Worst thing I tried, way back when. I can't seem to stop. I was at a job fair last week and I took straight shots before I left because that's a normal thing to me. I never cared for drinking but I did it for my anxieties and it caught up. Other than that i feel your pain

 

[Lanchparty7]

If there's one thing that frustrates me the most when it comes to my anxiety, it's the fact it's stopping me from doing the most trivial tasks that shouldn't take a second thought. Today at work I was just sitting, reflecting on the day so far and was trying to figure out what was the smallest thing my anxiety had effected so far that day. I realised that my anxiety had actually made hanging up my coat a social challenge. It made eating an apple at lunch a challenge. This kind of crap makes me crazy. Why so I find these stupid little tasks to be the same level of difficulty as it would be for an average man trying to climb Everest? It's simply not fair. I thought understanding my problem would make things better but it's just making it worse. This is a joke. The way I feel right now I can only describe as a practical joke. I feel totally defeated by my own brain and I feel COMPLETELY hopeless right now. I feel like I'm beyond the crying stage of realising how messed up this all is, and now am getting to the stage where I'm starting simply not to care about anything. Every single minuscule detail of my life is directed by my anxiety. I can't walk around my own house and feel comfortable. That's messed up. I really do feel like there's no way out. I talked to a doctor, I talked to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, whatever the hell she wants to call herself, I talked to my family, I've read books and ever since I set out of this road of trying to fix my problem I've just been getting worse. I'm almost 100% sure there is no way out. I'm done pretending to be positive and smiling at people. I feel like the only thing I haven't turned to is drink and drugs (I do take a natural supplement, it helps my anxiety a little), and I am very proud of that fact but I'm running out of options. I just want this to end. I've had enough. Just needed to rant and get that off my chest. Tough day.

Wow, I could have written this post word for word as I feel this way also. Anxiety has ruined and taken so much from me...especially two things I want badly...love and independence. I know deep down that I am beyond repair and cannot ever achieve either of those two things, or anything else meaningful for that matter. So that is why I no longer care much about anything.

 

[we scared or whateva]

i FELT this