If there's one thing that frustrates me the most when it comes to my anxiety, it's the fact it's stopping me from doing the most trivial tasks that shouldn't take a second thought. Today at work I was just sitting, reflecting on the day so far and was trying to figure out what was the smallest thing my anxiety had effected so far that day. I realised that my anxiety had actually made hanging up my coat a social challenge. It made eating an apple at lunch a challenge. This kind of crap makes me crazy. Why so I find these stupid little tasks to be the same level of difficulty as it would be for an average man trying to climb Everest? It's simply not fair. I thought understanding my problem would make things better but it's just making it worse. This is a joke. The way I feel right now I can only describe as a practical joke. I feel totally defeated by my own brain and I feel COMPLETELY hopeless right now. I feel like I'm beyond the crying stage of realising how messed up this all is, and now am getting to the stage where I'm starting simply not to care about anything. Every single minuscule detail of my life is directed by my anxiety. I can't walk around my own house and feel comfortable. That's messed up. I really do feel like there's no way out. I talked to a doctor, I talked to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, whatever the hell she wants to call herself, I talked to my family, I've read books and ever since I set out of this road of trying to fix my problem I've just been getting worse. I'm almost 100% sure there is no way out. I'm done pretending to be positive and smiling at people. I feel like the only thing I haven't turned to is drink and drugs (I do take a natural supplement, it helps my anxiety a little), and I am very proud of that fact but I'm running out of options. I just want this to end. I've had enough. Just needed to rant and get that off my chest. Tough day.
I've had enough, I need to rant
- Thread starter JCP
- Start date
Thanks for the reply. Well what I can do is read a book, and I believe the reason I can do that is because it puts my mind in another world for a while. The reason I couldn't hang my coat up without anxiety was me worrying if there would be enough coat hangers for my coat, and if not I would look stupid and humiliated looking for somewhere to put my coat. The difference between the two events being that while reading I totally forget I'm in a public place..
Hi JCP. It's great that you're still able to work given what you're going through. I also got to the point of being paranoid and definitely having had enough of incapacitating thinking. Decided, "Screw it", I'm done worrying what others might think of me and did not hide my condition from anyone. How they might react is their problem not mine. I know I'm a good person which is more important than any responses others might have to my inability to do things easily or "normally". This mindset took away my paranoia but didn't help me functionally other than I was able to push myself out of the house easier and interact socially a bit easier.
The solution I would use: find out what it is that you are worried about, and plan in advance for it. So for you before you go to hang up your coat, check beforehand that there is a free hook. If there isn't then just put it somewhere else like on your chair. If it comes to the point where you do get caught going up there and there is no hook, then oh well, **** happens. We all get embarrassed sometimes. Just leave or something or take your coat back with you, or whatever happens happens, let it be. You don't even know for sure what others are thinking, or that they even notice at all really. People are generally self-absorbed, this can be a good thing in a way for people like us because if we do something that is embarrassing, people may not even notice anyway, because they are really only concerned with themselves.