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Is this depression?

Howlingvapor

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I never really thought of myself as a depressed person, until after my first meaningful relationship ended. For a while I felt that deep classic depression that everyone gets. That situational “my life is over I hate everyone and myself” kind of depression. But here I am 6 months later and I’m pretty much over her and yet I’m having what I’m only learning now are symptoms of depression, some of which are symptoms I’ve always had.

I’ve always had low self esteem and tendencies toward self hatred. I’ve contemplated suicide multiple times throughout my life, not just after the breakup. I’m disorganized, unfocused, and antisocial. I’m also always tired, doesn’t matter how long I sleep. In fact just today I not only overslept, but I went to bed earlier than I usually do the night before and woke up more exhausted than yesterday only to spend tonight distracted and unable to fall asleep. When I’m low energy like this I also tend to dwell on negative thoughts way too long. I have a hard time connecting with people and it’s usually because I don’t feel like putting in the effort it takes to stay in touch with someone or make plans. I also tend to avoid eating sometimes or eat too much it’s weird. Like one day eating will feel like a burden and the next a comfort. As a result I keep losing weight, because I have more days that it’s a burden.

I don’t ever want to be the guy that self diagnoses, so what do you guys think? Should I talk to my therapist about these problems? Or do these symptoms even have anything to do with depression. Honestly I’m afraid to admit to myself if it is depression. Because opening up about my anxiety was hard enough. If I’m being dumb just let me know ok.


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Cuchculan

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It is obviously a problem for you. Thus it is worth seeking help for. To try and get help to change those things you have listed above. Might just be that some times you are simply fed up with everything that is going on in your life. Other days you can handle it a lot better. But it still worth talking about. Because it is effecting you. Let your therapist decide if it is depression or not. People here might read your words and think it is. All we can do is write words back to you. That won't exactly solve the issue. That part has to be done by yourself. Bit of hard work with your therapist. These things are never easy. But there is always an answer out there.
 

Hurt&Hopeful

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Hey @Howlingvapor - Sorry you're going through this. Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand, since anxiety just kind of wears you out. And yeah, it sounds to me like you might be struggling with it. If you already have a therapist, go ahead and talk to him/her about it. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's a not a death sentence, and knowing that you're struggling with it now doesn't mean you will ALWAYS struggle with it. I've been there off and on throughout my life, and it's okay. You're not alone!
 
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