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i'm.. tired?

sinbarb

New Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2019
Messages
2
Likes
1
#1
hi. i actually not sad, but there's an urge from inside me that make me really want to cry. i tried to think what things that made me feel like this, but my mind is blank. there's nothing inside my head. but i still want to cry. if it's my college day, i would just cry in my room by myself then fall asleep and wake up with a bloated face. but it's holiday, and i'm at my house with my family, so i can't cry. it even more tiring.
i already feel like this actually since a years ago, but after i found out about mental health kinda thing, i started to think about this. i have insomnia, i can't sleep if it's already past 10. and if it happens, i only can sleep if it already past 5/6 in the morning, and always wake up at 7/8. that time between 10pm until 5am is what i called my danger hour. because everything could be happen in that hour. and mostly, it's an overthinking that i don't even know what am i thinking about, and ended up with a silent cry. i always wake up tired.
i talked to my friend about this, and she answered "its because you're lack of sleep. drink more water." ok, i tried it. i slept for 8-12 hours in a week with so much struggle. i drink more water. but nothing changed. i still tired. i think, it's not my body that's tired. it's my soul, my mental and my mind that already brought and held so much things.
i really want to talk about it to someone. but i scared. i scared they will think i'm crazy, or i make it up. once i made up my mind and told my friend that i trusted the most. but he ended up saying that i was exaggerating it, and it was only in my mind, and i should go out more, and not being such an attention seeker:) and things like that. ok maybe it sounded childish, but it hurts me so so much. it became my new trauma that i can't fully open up to anybody. i don't want people to think about me that way. so i decided to lock myself up way more than before. i could guarantee you that no one in this whole universe know the true me, only God knows.
i'm so tired that i want to open up to someone so that at least there's a person that truly know me and for them to just comfort me, but beside i don't want to open up. i'm actually a simple girl, it's just my mind that complicated, i don't even understand my own mind. i need help. i want someone to notice me gasping for air inside my thick wall. omg :(

i know i'm being stubborn right now, i'm sorry. i'm sorry if this seems exaggerating. i actually in an urge to delete all of this and not post this at all. but, i don't know where should i speak little part of my mind if it isn't here. maybe when i wake up i'll be better and realize how embarrassing this is and delete it later.
i'm sorry if i take too much of your time to read this garbage.
it's 10pm here and i could feel anxiety and insecurity building up inside me.
i'm tired of feeling like this, i'm tired for being like this, i'm tired for being not enough. i want to be important and make at least one person proud of me. i'm tired of wanting to cry but no tears could come out.

i don't want to die, but i want my life to end.
 

Cuchculan

Active Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
277
Likes
139
#2
You want to cry? Then cry. There is nothing wrong with a few tears. Everybody cries every now and again. It is called life. Never be afraid to just let those tears out. If it makes you feel better, why keep them inside? Let them flow. I am not sure if there is any woods or hills near were you live? Somewhere quiet. I would go there and I would just scream. Just let everything out that has built up inside of me. Because it sounds like you are still holding a lot inside of you. Emotions. Fears. Stress. Nothing better than a good screaming session to make a person feel good again. Or even a punch bag. Something you can just hit. Every time you hit it let out a scream.

As for sleep? Maybe some exercise late in the day. Just to make you feel tired. Again, with the exercise, we are trying to burn up the stress / anxiety. Free it from the body. So you simply fall on your bed and fall straight to sleep. All about looking for ways to let out what you are holding inside of you.

Just let it all out.
 

Esca

New Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
6
Likes
1
#3
Aaaaaah, I relate to so many things, although I have several disorders nd I experienced insomnia for just few days I can say it's really the worst of them all, if this is just a little bit comforting I'd say you're very strong and when this ends ull be one of the strongest people you know or ever met, and it's okay to want to share this with someone and want to be understood, I'm here for this exact reason and this message is a great step. And as you see its not that scary.
I wish you all the best
 
Joined
Jul 13, 2019
Messages
69
Likes
21
#4
hi. i actually not sad, but there's an urge from inside me that make me really want to cry. i tried to think what things that made me feel like this, but my mind is blank. there's nothing inside my head. but i still want to cry. if it's my college day, i would just cry in my room by myself then fall asleep and wake up with a bloated face. but it's holiday, and i'm at my house with my family, so i can't cry. it even more tiring.
i already feel like this actually since a years ago, but after i found out about mental health kinda thing, i started to think about this. i have insomnia, i can't sleep if it's already past 10. and if it happens, i only can sleep if it already past 5/6 in the morning, and always wake up at 7/8. that time between 10pm until 5am is what i called my danger hour. because everything could be happen in that hour. and mostly, it's an overthinking that i don't even know what am i thinking about, and ended up with a silent cry. i always wake up tired.
i talked to my friend about this, and she answered "its because you're lack of sleep. drink more water." ok, i tried it. i slept for 8-12 hours in a week with so much struggle. i drink more water. but nothing changed. i still tired. i think, it's not my body that's tired. it's my soul, my mental and my mind that already brought and held so much things.
i really want to talk about it to someone. but i scared. i scared they will think i'm crazy, or i make it up. once i made up my mind and told my friend that i trusted the most. but he ended up saying that i was exaggerating it, and it was only in my mind, and i should go out more, and not being such an attention seeker:) and things like that. ok maybe it sounded childish, but it hurts me so so much. it became my new trauma that i can't fully open up to anybody. i don't want people to think about me that way. so i decided to lock myself up way more than before. i could guarantee you that no one in this whole universe know the true me, only God knows.
i'm so tired that i want to open up to someone so that at least there's a person that truly know me and for them to just comfort me, but beside i don't want to open up. i'm actually a simple girl, it's just my mind that complicated, i don't even understand my own mind. i need help. i want someone to notice me gasping for air inside my thick wall. omg :(

i know i'm being stubborn right now, i'm sorry. i'm sorry if this seems exaggerating. i actually in an urge to delete all of this and not post this at all. but, i don't know where should i speak little part of my mind if it isn't here. maybe when i wake up i'll be better and realize how embarrassing this is and delete it later.
i'm sorry if i take too much of your time to read this garbage.
it's 10pm here and i could feel anxiety and insecurity building up inside me.
i'm tired of feeling like this, i'm tired for being like this, i'm tired for being not enough. i want to be important and make at least one person proud of me. i'm tired of wanting to cry but no tears could come out.

i don't want to die, but i want my life to end.
I truly hope by now you are feeling somewhat better. Like previous said, cry, let it out!! Also many that do NOT suffer from these disorders will NOT understand!! Please find someone to talk to, ask your Doctor to refer you if you don't know where to go. There is help out there, please find someone to talk to. Also update us all on your progress!!
 
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