I'm so upset!! :(

Discussion in 'Other Mental Health Issues' started by _Lukas, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    So I'll start this off by saying I f*cking HATE bullying. I'm not a violent or angry person at all but I wish really terrible things upon bullies.
    This is kind of a long-winded rant so I apologize.

    Dave and I were in the store tonight and we were holding hands, like we always do. These two teenagers walked by and kept turning around to look at us and laughing, and saying "Bro, bro, check out these fags!!" and stuff like that. They called Dave a "tranny" and said his makeup made him look like a "cheap hooker." Then one of them took out his phone and started taking a video of us.
    I'm not confrontational at all and I have basically no self-confidence so I just started crying. That made them laugh and make fun of us more.
    Dave is a lot more confident than I am and has more attitude and a shorter fuse than I do, so he marched right up to them and started flipping out on them. They recorded the whole thing and laughed and called him more names. Dave said "If I ever see you two again I'm gonna punch you so hard you'll be spitting out teeth for a month, and I'm gonna shove your phones so far up your asses, shards of glass will be coming out your noses!!" I think he really scared them, but they ran away laughing.
    This isn't the first time something like this has happened to us in public. People can be extremely mean to gay men and they don't seem to feel any empathy toward us.
    When we got back in the car and left the store, Dave was like "I f*cking hate America, everyone is a Trump supporter or a gun-toting Conservative." I do agree with him, but I pointed out that there are countries where it's not even legal for us to be married, and he said "It won't be legal here for much longer either." Sadly, I think that's probably true too. This country is going backwards as far as LGBTQ+ rights are concerned. Trump even removed the anti-discrimination laws for gay and transgender people, and transgender people are no longer legally allowed to use the bathroom of their choice. :( If my boss was homophobic (which thankfully she isn't), she could fire me for being gay and it would be legal. :'(
    People always say to me and Dave that we "aren't that oppressed" because we're cisgender white men, but gay people face a lot of oppression too.

    I deleted all of my social media accounts because the cyberbullying was too much for me. Dave still has social media, and some of the comments I see on his Instagram are really disturbing. :(
    He gets a lot of fat-shaming comments, and a lot of homophobic and sexually inappropriate comments. He has good comebacks to them and he acts like it doesn't bother him, but I know it does.
    The other day someone commented "What kind of faggot are you?" on one of his pictures, and Dave responded "A fabulous one! ;) " His comebacks are great, and when he's online he acts like it doesn't get to him, but when we're alone he does cry about it.
    I think I've mentioned this before; Dave has a really big gap between his front teeth. I think it's adorable and he seems to not mind it, because I know Dave, and if something bothers him about his appearance he changes it. The other day he posted a pic on Instagram where he was smiling with his teeth showing, and some guy commented "Lol, I bet you don't give good blowjobs with that big space between your teeth!" to which Dave cleverly responded "Just ask my husband ;) " I wish I could come up with good comebacks like Dave does. But when people make fun of me or are mean to me, it bothers me and I get crippling anxiety about it and can never let it go. I wish I didn't care what people thought of me, but it's really hard not to. That's the whole point of this post, I guess. I'm extremely bothered and upset by what people say to me and think of me. I wish I could get over it but I just can't.

    Dave and I are both still really upset about what happened to us in the store. :( That was extremely hurtful and embarrassing. The worst part is that there were other people around us who saw and heard the whole thing, and no one stood up for us or told the kids to stop bullying us. Some people even laughed. :(
    Sometimes I wish I was a normal, attractive, tall, more muscular, confident, straight guy. But I wouldn't trade Dave for anything in the world. I know he sometimes wishes he were someone else too. It's really hard to be who we are in today's society, and here in America it's getting worse. :(
    I'm really scared that someone is going to see me and Dave holding hands or kissing, and Dave wearing his makeup and dressing the way he does, and they're going to get mad and kill us. :'(
    I've had the crap beat out of me before and people have thrown rocks and stuff at me and threatened me and someone has pulled a knife on me. When I was in high school, a guy in my class found out I was gay and he and his friends all jumped me and beat the living sh*t out of me.
    And that's not even mentioning all the stuff my actual abusers did to me...

    I'm sorry this was so long and I'm sorry I'm so emotional right now. I just feel really triggered and upset. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and thank you for understanding. I wish all these bad things didn't keep happening to me or Dave. It breaks my heart. :(
    janemariesayed likes this.
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  3. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    What the hell? That''s fucked up. I'm so sorry you experienced that . This country needs to wake up and realize that you can't help how your born or who you love. They have got to realize that just because a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman doesn't make the love less real ..you know kw what i'm saying? You deserve better,all your trying to do is live and love each other. What makes those ass-holes so special? They will get theres...don't worry about that. Who knows. ..maybe they were jealous. ...******* ass-holes. I would've broken there phone right in front if them if I was there and I saw that I promise you,I hate injustice and bullies so ******* much. I tend to defend people who are being bullied because my dad practically did it to me and my siblings my whole childhood. It makes me so sad for the human race that some of us are still bothered by this. There's no reason. It's senseless.
    _Lukas likes this.
  4. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Take your phone out when someone does that Lukas and video them being nasty and post it on Youtube or Facebook. Not everyone is accepting of this way of life being out in the open and some people can be cruel and stupid. Whatever they think they should keep it to themselves.

    It must be really awful to be going through this time after time. My heart goes out to you for how you have been treated and I'm sorry that there are some evil people in this world. I'm sending you and Dave a HUGE group hug. You are both loved and respected so much so don't you go letting those holes get to you. Just try to ignore them as best you can and walk away. You are better than those kinds of people. Far better. You have a heart and I am really happy to have met you and become friends. I wouldn't change that for the world either!
    _Lukas likes this.
  5. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    I'm really happy to have met you and become friends with you too, and I wouldn't change our friendship for the world either! :cat:
    Thank you, as always, for your kind words. I'm so glad there are people like the people on this site who understand and have compassion and empathy.
    You're right, there are some really evil people in this world! It makes me sick. :grumpy:
    Thank you for the hug for me and Dave, and we're sending one back! :cat:
    Today I actually approached Dave with the idea of him possibly making an account on this site too, I think it would be helpful for him and I think you would all get along great with him! I just have to check with the moderators and read the rules and make sure that's okay. I don't want Dave getting me in trouble lol. :rolleyes: And of course I'll do my best to keep him in line :D
    janemariesayed likes this.
  6. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    I'm sure that Dave will be absolutely fine on here and of course, I would think that he would be very welcome as any new member is to this lovely community. The thing is that he can open himself up on here without facing any kind of judgement. I hope he does join as it would be really nice to meet him.
    _Lukas likes this.
  7. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    I'm sure you'll all be seeing his adorable face around here soon! :cat: He's nervous about joining because he feels like he's stepping into my territory, but I told him not to think about it like that. I told him "Any friend of mine is a friend of yours." I wouldn't have invited him to join here if I didn't think it was in his best interest.
    You guys will love him. He's pretty different from me but he has like ten times the personality and attitude! :cool:
    He's very sassy but he's lovable. He can be a little reserved at first but once he gets warmed up, the talking will never end lol.
    janemariesayed likes this.
  8. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Well, I think it would be absolutely marvellous for him to come and join us. Especially, he suffers too and he would not only feel the help and support but also be able to help and support others too. He would find it rewarding as well as helpful. We have heard so many wonderful things about him that he is practically family anyway!
    _Lukas likes this.
  9. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Awww, thank you! I'm sure he would love and appreciate hearing that he's practically family and that he would belong here! Dave really is wonderful. I'm sure he'll fit in just fine here. :cat:
    Now he just has to get over the fear of joining and he'll be fine.

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