I'm kinda conditioned to think people don't care about me.

[JustinBailey]

The past week I haven't been able to sleep because my mother continuously spray bug spray near the area I sleep in to kill the ants right about when I'm trying to sleep. I asked if she could do it at another time because the fumes make it difficult for me to breath, cause my eyes to burn, and give me trouble sleeping. I was treated as if I'm making an unrealistic request to ask she does this at any time other than when I'm going to bed.

Then I was told what a horrible person I was and reminded of minor slights she perceived me doing against her... and I got frustrated and mentioned a time when she physically attacked me. Then she told me I was a liar and that it never happened. I'm not sure if she's a malicious liar or so far gone that she believes it never happened and thinks I must be lying.

But regularly I deal with her telling me I'm lazy and a piece of [censored] despite me working 40 hours a week and her not having had a job in decades and screaming and yelling at me. I've been thinking of suicide a lot, cause I've been trying to save up money to move out, but I keep spending my money to go places out of the house cause I never want to be home. Cause she's at home. I don't want to be around her.

And when I'm out and about I get anxiety and don't want to talk to most people. I don't know what to say and I always assume people aren't going to like me. That no matter how well I treat someone or how civil I am, they're going to tell me what a piece of **** I am and treat me poorly. Cause that's what I grew up in. People just treating me like trash no matter what I did.

 

[He Man]

Justin, welcome to the forum.. and sorry to hear what you're going thru.

Keep saving your money so u can move out, and if possible maybe squirrel away a couple dollars to occasionally see a therapist (?) I know it's a cliche' to go to therapy & talk about mom issues, but talking these things out can help.. Also I've found over the years, moving out eventually (& surprisingly) improves strained family relationships..
Good luck. Peace

 

[MissUnderstood]

You need to get outta there! Sounds like mom is doingthese things on purpose. sounds like mom is a narcissist! Keep saving your money. Move out ASAP! she is poisoning your mind about yourself. she is trying to lower your self worth because she feels unworthy. Don't be her *itch, anymore! The only way to win with a narcissist is to not play! Good luck! Let us know how you are doing!