I'm an anxious and depressed mess :(

Discussion in 'Depression' started by _Lukas, Dec 2, 2017.

  1. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Hi everyone, sorry I haven't posted or replied to anything and I'm sorry I haven't been around for the past few days. The last few days have been really tough.
    Dave's aunt, who he was really close with and who basically raised him and took care of him when his parents were being abusive (he has a similar story to me regarding his parents), died the other day. It was very sudden and he didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

    I'm really worried about Dave. He's not eating at all and he's been throwing up and he's starting to lose weight. He can't sleep and he's having a lot of panic attacks which is unusual because he's not a particularly anxious person. He's been unable to go to work and he can't get out of bed. He's also really angry and he's been taking it out on me.

    We're flying out to New York (where Dave is from) tomorrow (Sunday) for the funeral. I'm scared out of my mind of planes. I wish we could drive but I'm medically incapable of driving and Dave is not in a state to drive anywhere, never mind a five-hour road trip. It's a very short flight but even sitting here thinking about it my hands are all sweaty and I'm shaking. I have a phobia of air travel and air accidents, as I've mentioned before. Dave can give me all the statistics he wants about how air travel is safer than driving and how unlikely it is to get on a plane that crashes but it won't change my irrational fear. I know it's irrational too but I can't do anything about it. Dave has no patience for me right now and he doesn't want to deal with it so I can't talk to him about it. I tried to talk to him about it tonight and he was like "I don't care Lukas, you're getting on that damn plane. I don't want to hear it." Then he made it a lot worse by saying "If we die, then we're dead. Who cares." This isn't like him at all. He never says things like that. He's so mad at me and I don't know why. :( He didn't even kiss me goodnight or put his arms around me, and he's not even asleep, he's just ignoring me. :( Earlier today he yelled at me and he was like "YOU ARE SO SELFISH!!!" and he's been slamming doors a lot too.

    I don't know what to do :( I'm worried about Dave but I'm also extremely anxious and depressed. I want to be there for him and I want to help him but he's taking out all his emotions on me and I'm terrified of the plane flight.
    janemariesayed likes this.
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  3. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    I'm sorry about Daves Aunt, Lukas, it's terrible news.

    It is really hard when someone close dies. Whether it is someone on our side of the family or our partners side of the family. So this will have an effect on you too.

    What a girl Dave is ~ slamming doors! That is really cute because it is supposed to be a female stroppy thing to do. So if Dave is in a strop, I think that is very understandable.

    Go with the flow for the time being Lukas. Dave is not acting unusual. He is grieving. Put up with anything at this time, and show him that you are there to support him, no matter what. It will pass. Stay strong, and don't take anything he does for the next few weeks to heart. He doesn't mean it. If he wants to go off by himself for a while, then let him. Be gentle with him. Be ready to hug him when he asks for it, and he will soon enough. He is just grieving and his mind is not with romance right now. This is history in the making. Just tell him you are there for him if he needs you and help to keep the home and furry babes cared for. He won't be able to cope with anything like that for a while.

    He will get better. He is grieving.

    The air travel. hah! Well, what is to do? You don't have a choice except to see the doctor and get him to give you a relaxant for the flight. Then you will probably sleep through the short flight anyway. You will be fine. There are no sinkholes under aeroplanes in the sky. :eek:
  4. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Thank you for your kindness and reassurance. :happy:
    Dave is a bit better today, he's still not himself but he's being sweet to me again. I still can't get him to eat but at least he's staying hydrated- I was able to get him to drink some Gatorade and soda.
    He did take a shower this morning and did all his basic hygiene tasks like brushing his teeth, etc. and I did get him out of the house for a while so at least that's an improvement over the last couple of days. I'm still worried about him though because he's still quiet and depressed :( It's understandable that he's like that though, I was in a terrible state too when my grandparents passed away.

    Lol, he is such a girl! :D I always tell him that. He always slams doors when he's upset. I think it's a bit cute when he acts all girly. He's also a big baby, he looks big and intimidating but he's really scared of everything and very emotional! He's also a drama queen. :rolleyes:

    I told him this morning that I will always love him no matter what and I'm here to support him. I'm being very patient with him and I'm not going to take anything personally. I've been giving him lots of kisses and cuddles and I've been taking care of all the housework for him and taking care of the dogs and cats. I even packed his suitcase for the trip for him! He was very grateful that I did that. He's back to being sweet and loving with me but he's not really himself again yet, but I don't expect him to be like himself right now. I'm just going to take things slow and be very gentle with him. I know he'll get better in time. I care about him more than anything and I want to do anything I can to make him feel loved and comfortable.

    You're right, I don't have a choice about getting on that plane, but I'm still panicking! We're leaving very, very early in the morning tomorrow (Sunday) and our flight is at the crack of dawn :eek: That makes things much worse because not only do I have to get on a plane but I have to get up when it's still dark outside!
    I don't have time to get to the doctor to get any medications, but I do have a PRN which I can take at the airport before we take off. Dave said I can hold on to him as tight as I want when the plane is taking off and he said he doesn't care if I break his arm as long as I can relax lol. I told him to be careful what he wishes for.
    One of the worst things about flying is that I can't take my dogs :( Yet another reason to get a service dog!
    My friend is going to stay at our house to take care of our animals while we're away. I'm going to miss them so much :( I wish we could drive so we could take all of them with us.

    Looking on the bright side of everything, at least we'll get to see family and we can explore New York a little.
    I'm not the best person to bring to a funeral because my nerves get the better of me and I cry hysterically and embarrass people. I think Dave understands though, he was there for me at both of my grandparents' funerals and he was very sweet and supportive, so this time I'm going to try to do the same for him. I'm also very sad about his aunt, she was a really great person and we'll both miss her a lot.
    We'll see how this goes and I'll keep everyone updated.
    janemariesayed likes this.
  5. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    You're a married man now. Marriage is for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. That means taking the rough with the smooth. You are doing the right thing and being nice to him and it will go a long way. He will remember how nice you were when he was like a bear with a sore head.

    If you don't have any meds then you can have a smokey joe! LOL haha;). And there you go, he was there for you when you needed someone close beside you when it was your turn to attend a funeral. Now you're married, his family is your family 'in law's' and vice versa. I'm sure none of them will worry if you cry uncontrollably. They will love the respect and love it shows.

    Don't worry about your dogs. It won't be forever and they will be fine. Dogs live in the moment and they'll be overjoyed when they see you both again.
    _Lukas likes this.
  6. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Thank you, that's very kind :happy: And Dave definitely appreciates the niceness, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you're putting up with me like this." And I told him that we can tell we really do belong together and deserve each other because we can handle each other at our worst.

    Lol, I have a lot of funny stories about getting high but unfortunately none of them were on planes! That's not to say I've never considered smoking a joint before I got on a flight, because I've definitely thought about it lol. I've been drunk on a plane before. :rolleyes:
    One of my favorite stories about being high was when I was in undergrad, and I had smoked a bong before class and I was high out of my mind, and I showed up at my class with sunglasses on and wouldn't take them off. The professor was like "Lukas Stankewitz, take off those glasses." And when I took them off I had this dumb smile on my face and he saw how high I was and he was like "Put those back on." :D

    Dave has always been there for me and vice versa. Going to the funeral was only the least I could do. There's so much more I want to do for him to show him how much I love and appreciate him.
    I didn't need to worry about crying uncontrollably because Dave was inconsolable at the funeral :( I've never seen him like that and it broke my heart. After the funeral he kept saying things to me like "Please don't die Lukas, I would kill myself." :( He seems to have developed kind of a paranoid fear of me dying. I think it's understandable, because his aunt died very suddenly and now he's afraid it will happen to someone else he's close to. It makes me sad :(

    I can't wait to see my dogs again, I know dogs live in the moment and they're probably not too stressed out but I do miss them.
  7. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    You see how far it goes with someone when you forgive them. ;) Sometimes it will be you giving out the irritable banter and Dave will be putting up with it just like you are now. His fears of you dying are normal I think under the circumstances. I think the fear will pass in time.

    I like your funny story. I was drunk at school once but it's not as funny as your story! :D. It was near Christmas and we had to take in ingredients to make Christmas cake. But a friend and me drank the brandy we took to put in the cake. We made a promise to both bring in some booze the next day and drink it in the break. I went through my Dads drinks cupboard and put a bit of everything in a big empty jam jar and took it to school with me. Only my friend was off sick so I drank it all myself in the quarter hour break. It was a big mix of all the spirits you can think of, whisky, gin, vodka etc. I was then wandering drunk around the school and wobbled past the headmistresses office. She came out to me and said 'now jane, this is no good, you must get to your lessons on time and pull your socks up!' Well, I bent down to pull my socks up and I wasn't wearing any. She had meant, pull your socks up as a figure of speech. Then she said to me 'I do believe that you are intoxicated Jane, you will have to go home and sleep it off for a week.' I was like 'really, it will take me a week to sleep it off?' I was twelve years old then and not so used to drinking at all! LOL

    I'd miss my dogs too. When I left Egypt to come back to the UK I had to leave them with a friend while I obtained somewhere to live and then send for them. My friend lived on the ground floor flat below mine and my dogs were always looking up to the balcony to see if I was there. I phoned them many times and would chat with them on the phone. I'd tell them to wait and I'd see them soon. Sasha would run around in a circle with her nose to her bum, which was her way of saying 'problem' and Loopy would run and get a toy and bring it back to the phone for me! Cute huh? They don't forget us which is lovely.
    _Lukas likes this.
  8. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    There are plenty of times that Dave has to deal with me being a pain too lol. He's so patient, bless him.

    Lol, I like your drunk story :D I've been to school drunk a few times myself! I used to sneak alcohol to school in a metal water bottle. I wasn't always on my best behavior in school lol. One time in college when I first met Dave, we were sitting together in class laughing hysterically at YouTube videos and the professor had to separate us lol. She made Dave sit in the back of the room and me sit in the front for the rest of the semester! :rolleyes:

    Awww, that is so sweet that your dogs looked for you and had chats with you on the phone! :happy:
    Fortunately we arrived home tonight and our dogs were so happy to see us. Bella was acting like she hadn't seen us in a year!
    My friend did a great job taking care of them, I'm very thankful that he was able to do that. It was so nice to come home and have the dogs jumping all over us and giving us kisses! We snuggled with them on the couch and watched TV with them too. It will also be really nice to sleep in our own bed again.

    The flights there and back were excruciating, but I survived. I'm just glad Dave was with me. I kept waiting for the plane to start plummeting toward the ground and hurling us toward our deaths though. Every little noise and movement made my heart jump out of my chest. Needless to say, we won't be flying again for a very long time.

    Dave seems a bit better now in general, he's being very affectionate and cuddly again and not grumpy anymore so that's good. :cat:
    If I could just stay there snuggled up in his arms forever, I definitely would.

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