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I think this is an emergency! :(

Discussion in 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)' started by _Lukas, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    I'm locked in my bedroom crying because my parents are here and they're going to ruin my wedding :(
    My parents are staying with us until the wedding, which means they're here for three more days and I don't know how much more I can take of this. I feel like hurting myself. I really want to self-harm.

    My parents are so mean to Dave. :( Today he was trying out the makeup he's going to wear for our wedding and my mom told him he looked terrible! She was like "Your makeup is so overdone, you look like a painted whore." He couldn't stop crying because he worked so hard to make sure it came out the way he wanted it to and he and I both thought it looked really good.
    My dad flipped out on Dave at the dinner table tonight and basically told him he hates him and he doesn't want us to get married. He told him he's "fat and stupid" and "Lukas can do better." He said he's upset that I'm not "marrying a pretty girl" and instead I'm marrying a "big dumb fairy princess." I was like "Really? Wtf! I'm gay! I'm not going to marry a girl, I'm in love with Dave!"
    My parents are so angry that I'm marrying him and I don't understand why. I love him more than anything and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
    The whole time Dave and I were dating, my parents tried constantly to break us up and would tell both of us bad things about each other to try to change our minds. My parents even banned him from their house at one point. I didn't know it would get this bad! :(

    I'm really worried about Dave because he said he feels suicidal. Earlier tonight he told me we were just going to pack up and leave and get away from my parents, but my parents stopped us and took his car keys and are being very controlling.
    I'm really scared :(
    If my parents ruin our wedding or break us up, I don't know what I'm going to do because I can't live without Dave.
  2. Rinka

    Rinka Moderator Staff Member

    Oh I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.
    I suppose your parents haven’t accepted yet that you are gay anc that you are in love with a man, rather then a woman.
    And the other thing is, no one is really good enough for the own child. Believe me my mother is still complaining about my sisters husband after 10 years of relationship and secretly hopes that my sister will find someone else soon, because he is not good enough.
    My partner the same thing. But that’s normal for parents.
    Yours have the extra of being homophobic I think.
    You love your Dave and that is what counts and they have to accept it.
    End off!
    _Lukas likes this.
  3. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    It really shows that your mum is not happy about this wedding. Is it possible to have a talk with her? She should accept your preference and not treat you like this. I think it must be very hurtful to you and Dave.

    Both of you be really strong okay? You can both get through this. It shows that your parents at least accept it as legally binding and a true marriage or they wouldn't be trying so hard to put the spanner in the works. Stay strong, laugh about it when you both go in your private room and they will be out of your hair before you know it. Then you'll be embarking on a new and wonderfully happy life with your husband.
    _Lukas likes this.
  4. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Thanks for the reassurance and kind words, ladies. Last night was really rough. :(

    Like I said, this isn't new, my parents have been trying to break us up for years. I just thought that maybe they would stop when they realized we were getting married and there was nothing they could do about it. I was wrong, sadly.

    My dad in particular can be really abusive so I'm worried about what he might do to Dave. When I was a kid, my dad hit me with a belt all the time and he used to put soap in my mouth when I talked back to him. I would get the belt for refusing to go to church or getting bad marks in school. I never wanted to go to church and my dad would literally drag me out of bed and throw me in the car and force me to go. Sometimes he would twist my arms and legs too if I didn't want to go.
    My dad is a very mean old man. He's a pretty good example of an old-school, religious, conservative Polish person. He's extremely strict and doesn't like to have fun. He's mean to literally everyone, including my mom.
    When I told my parents I was gay, they tried to put me in conversion therapy and they wouldn't let me date. My mom said I had "gender dysphoria," which isn't true at all, I was born male and identify as a cisgender male, I just happen to be a man who likes men.
    My parents have always been really awful to me. When I was in high school, I was the captain of the mens' varsity soccer team. My parents never came to any of my games and they were never proud of me or anything, but they made a HUGE deal out of my brother playing basketball and they went to all of his games, even the away ones. He wasn't even good at basketball!
    When I was going to college, I found out about my medical condition and my doctor told me I couldn't play competitive soccer anymore. I was so devastated and depressed. My parents didn't give a **** at all. They never let me come home when I was in college and they kind of just left me there and hardly ever called me. I was really sick and in a wheelchair for a while and they never even visited me or sent me flowers or anything! :( They visited me once when I was in the hospital and it was only to pay my medical bills, they didn't care how I was doing or anything. Then they had the audacity to complain about paying my medical bills and my dad said "I don't want to pay for his funeral. We can just put him in a box."
    I know for a fact that if I had died, my parents wouldn't have cared at all and would have just gone about their daily lives and never thought about me again. My parents are so awful :(

    My parents have always been really mean to Dave. The first thing my mom ever said about him was "Oh mother of God, he is so ugly."
    He's not ugly at all. He's actually incredibly handsome. What my mom doesn't like about him is that he's very effeminate and he wears makeup and he's a little overweight. My mom has a big issue with overweight people for some reason. My parents have been picking on Dave about his weight for as long as they've known him. They're also really annoyed that he doesn't try to diet or go to the gym or anything. I don't think he gives a **** about losing weight because he looks perfect the way he is.
    One time my dad told Dave that if he "messed up our family," he would pull out his shotgun on him. Dave was so terrified of my dad after that and I think he still is. I really don't think my dad would shoot him but I can't be totally sure.

    So yeah, I just needed to vent about my parents because they're horrible.
    Rinka likes this.
  5. Rinka

    Rinka Moderator Staff Member

    Reading all this makes me ask the question: Do you really want to have people at your wedding who don’t give a sh*t about? Abuse you? Seemingly hate you and the people that you Love?
    Family is not just something in the blood, it is love. Love makes family, and those people don’t sound like family to me, then why give them the privilege of your presence and time.
    Concernedgal and _Lukas like this.
  6. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    You're right. I don't want them at my wedding. The only reason we invited them is because we're terrified of what they'll do to us if we don't invite them.
    I want to cut my parents out of my life. I just don't know how to do it because I'm afraid they'll do something horrible to me or Dave. :(
    Rinka likes this.
  7. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    This day is about you and dave.. not them . One of the reasons that we suffer anxiety is because we don't stand up for ourselves. You need to tell your parents that if they don't behave themselves. .. then they need to just go back home and if they can't ...after all this time except your relationship with Dave (because you and I both know that this is what it's really all about) then they can lose you if you if they can't support you and your marriage to dave. Let them know where you stand . Tell them how you feel or there's just going to be a bunch of unresolved issues that are going to eat you alive .
    Rinka and _Lukas like this.
  8. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    I'm having a really bad episode with my medical issues. I'm in a lot of pain and parts of my body are numb.
    Dave wants to take me to the hospital and my mom told him not to take me because she thinks I'm faking it! She's not taking us seriously at all and she said I'm seeking attention and "Dave is being dramatic."
    My mom and Dave got in a fight and started yelling at each other and Dave told my mom "You don't give a **** about Lukas! You're just trying to control him! This is MY house and you should just get out and don't bother coming to our wedding!" My mom called my brother and told him that Dave is unstable and emotionally abusive. :(

    My parents think that I fake having a medical condition so I can get painkillers and injections. That is such bullshit!!! I don't want to be like this. I don't like taking painkillers and I hate needles. I'm depressed because I can't play competitive sports anymore and I can't lift more than 50 pounds. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed and I can't go to work or school and then I don't get paid or I fall behind in class. Why would I choose to be like this?! My parents are so messed up.

    I don't want them to come to my wedding and I don't want them in my house. I'm done with the abuse and I'm sick of the drama and I'm just sick in general. I want to get a no-contact order and disown them.
    My grandparents never would have let my parents get away with this. My parents didn't do this when my grandmother was alive. She would have told them they were going to hell and she would have gotten help for me and Dave. After my grandparents died and they weren't there to protect me anymore, my parents got really abusive and out of control. And every time me or Dave does something my parents don't like they go crying to my brother (the favorite child) and tell him how much better he is than us and how they wish I wasn't born or they had put me in foster care.

    I can't keep doing this because my health isn't good and I'm losing my sanity and they're making it worse. I want them gone for good.
    Rinka likes this.
  9. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    I have been there 1 too many times. I have indeed cut all contact with my family. If your wondering how it feels... well... it hurts at first,it really does but, it gets easier with time. You will not regret cutting them out of your life. I promise. You have to do this... you have to cut them out. They sound like bad people. I am proud of Dave for what he did. He is not emotionally unstable. .. he is emotionally healthy if anything. Your parents are selfish and disfunctional. For some reason... they don't want to see you happy. Cut them out, get married and enjoy your life with dave. He loves you with all his heart and he is all you need. If Dave was a bad guy then you wouldn't be in college right now and he wouldn't defend you like he does. You've got a keeper. Keep Dave. ... and say goodbye to your parents. They are toxic and you don't need them. I am here for you if you need me.
    _Lukas and Rinka like this.
  10. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    So last night after all that, we told my parents we don't want them at the wedding and they basically lost their **** on us. My mom said "It's us or Dave" and I told her "Obviously I want Dave, not you guys." My parents flipped out when I said that. My mom was like "You'll regret this when you're on your deathbed and Dave has left you for someone else and you don't have us anymore!" That really pissed Dave off and he started flipping out on her and was like "I'M NEVER GOING TO LEAVE LUKAS!!! AND THIS IS OUR HOUSE AND YOU NEED TO GET THE F*CK OUT!!! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!"
    So they left and I blocked my parents' phone numbers. I'm ready to wash my hands of this.

    I'm really not feeling well and I don't need this kind of bullshit when my wedding is tomorrow.
    After my parents left, Dave gave me a hot bath and made me some soup and turned on my heating pad and snuggled up in bed with me. I love him so much and I'm so grateful for him because no one has ever loved me and cared for me the way he does. I really can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else and I know I won't have to.
  11. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    So you've taken the first step.. now time to stick to it. Despite what they have done in the past ... you are going to miss them at some point. You have to stick to your guns now. You are hurting now . Just know though this will pass. Stay strong. From now on. Most of your anxiety will be gone. You have done something important last night . You stood up for yourself. Be proud. You got a great guy. You made the right decision. Those people were toxic... your better off. Enjoy your new life. Congratulations. I know it doesn't feel like that now but, the hurt will pass and your life will be free from there bull **** drama. If you need to talk. .. i'm here.
    _Lukas likes this.
  12. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Your Dad can't do anything to Dave. That would be assault and Dave could sue him. Good luck for today @_Lukas I'm sure everything is going off wonderfully.
    _Lukas and Concernedgal like this.
  13. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Thank you for the well-wishes! :kiss:
    It was the best day of my life and Dave said it was the best day of his life too. :joyful:
    My family and friends behaved themselves and we all had a wonderful time. I don't know how much of the wedding anyone is going to remember because we were all drunk out of our minds lol :D If any of you have ever been to a Polish wedding or a Polish-American wedding, you'll understand :D
    Everyone on the street block could probably hear all the noise- extremely loud Disco Polo music and lots of drunk people yelling (yelling because they were drunk, not because they were angry! No one was angry) - and everyone was probably wondering "What kind of a wedding is that?? I want some of whatever they're on!" :D Ethnic weddings are a blast and gay weddings are a lot of fun too.

    I have some hilarious stories too, of course :D

    My little friend, he's my hairdresser, the one who was a Kittybat for Halloween, started crying his eyes out completely plastered drunk, and I asked him why he was crying, and he was like "I dropped my ice cream and I don't have a husband!!!" and started sobbing uncontrollably :D Bless his poor little soul :cat:

    One of my aunts is named Ursula, and Dave was drunk and asked her if she was hiding her tentacles under her dress :D (The sea monster from the Little Mermaid is named Ursula) I think he was trying to be funny but it came across as really awful! I couldn't stop laughing :D

    We finally managed to get one of my best friends drunk, he's never been drunk before in his life and I don't think he's ever had alcohol before (he's the one who has Asperger's and wants to work for NASA, I've mentioned him before). He got so drunk that he started telling stories about bad things me and Dave did when we were in college! He even told a story about when the three of us lived in a dorm together and his room was next to our room, and we had really loud sex in the middle of the night and woke him up because we were moaning too loud! :D The way he told the story was really funny. He also told a story about when I peed in my pants, and a story about when Dave had food poisoning and had explosive diarrhea and was projectile vomiting, and our friend was very generous with the details in his descriptions :rolleyes:

    The best part of the wedding and the biggest surprise was when Dave sang me a song that he wrote for me and we slow-danced to it :cat: I started sobbing my eyes out because it was the sweetest, most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. :happy: He is so amazing, I could never ask for a better partner or a better best friend. I don't even have the right words to describe how much I love him. He is truly my everything.

    I want to keep going on and on and on about the wedding, but I'll tell you guys the rest of the stories when we come back from our honeymoon, because we're off to our fancy hotel for the weekend! :happy:
    I hope the dogs sleep in the car tonight, I think they've partied themselves out too lol.
  14. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    Wey Hey! Well it sounds like you had a fantastic time and that your married life has gotten off to a good start. Praise the Gods! I also detect that you are relaxed more and free of stress now:cool: I sent you some good energy yesterday and asked the universe to make it all go well for you. I'm glad my prayers were answered. :happy:
    _Lukas likes this.
  15. Concernedgal

    Concernedgal Well-Known Member

    OMG Lukas.. congratulations. I'm so happy for you. Your married. It sounds like you guys had a blast. And that song he wrote for you.... so sweet. I bet you just melted. You two sound like you were made for each other. Congratulations again Lukas.
    _Lukas likes this.
  16. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    Thank you both!!! :kiss:

    We had so much fun, maybe a little too much fun :p I'll have to find out which one of my cousins took a video of me dancing on a table lol :D

    Dave and I have been snuggling pretty much nonstop since the wedding and it's nice to see that the spark between us isn't going anywhere.
    Dave keeps talking about how I have "kissable cheeks" lol and won't stop kissing me :p He keeps telling me how adorable he thinks I am :rolleyes:
    He has a very sweet face too. I love his face. It's also very kissable :p But watch out for that lipstick! :D
    If it's okay with him I'll share a picture of him at some point because I want you guys to see how gorgeous he is. :D
    When I get the wedding pictures back from the photographer I'll see if Dave is comfortable with me posting them on here.

    But for now, here's the cake!
    janemariesayed likes this.
  17. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    The cake looks scrummy and I love the sea theme, it makes it look really attractive. It would be nice to see a photo of the two of you if your hubby doesn't mind. :happy:
    _Lukas likes this.
  18. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    The cake was so good! :happy: It had lemon, coconut, and buttercream in it :happy:
    I loved the sea theme too, my aunt who is an event planner and interior decorator helped us decorate for the wedding and she loves the sea and we do too, and it came out beautifully. My aunt is going to help us decorate our new house too and of course we'll have a sea theme in our house too! It will be perfect because our new house is near the harbor and we're getting a boat! :happy:

    Dave said "You can show your friends a picture of me if you Photoshop it to make me look skinnier" :D Lol. He thinks he's fat, he's really not! He has gorgeous curves though :smuggrin:
    I emailed the photographer about getting our pictures and I haven't heard back yet, but I think he must be pretty busy. They should be edited and processed within the next few days and I'll post them as soon as I get them. And I will not be Photoshopping my husband's curves to make him look skinny! :p He's perfect the way he is.

    Earlier I was taking a nap in the hotel room and Dave put a sign on the door that said "Don't disturb the sleeping Lukas." :D He is so cute and funny. Today he told me that I look like a "cute little forest creature." :D Like a sprite or something I guess. I am pretty sprite-ish looking lol. Just don't call me a pixie :D

    We're planning on having a fancy dinner tonight and then we'll be on our way to our new home and our new life together! :happy:
  19. _Lukas

    _Lukas Active Member

    I'm so upset and furious right now...
    I got our wedding pictures back from the photographer, and they are TERRIBLE!!!
    There's so much airbrushing... ewww. I look like a dead person and Dave's makeup looks ridiculous (it looked really good in person). I can't believe I paid money for this!
    I'm going to see if someone can re-do our pictures and NOT Photoshop or airbrush them, k thanks. I'm so pissed.

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