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I just want a quiet life

Livvie

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Im in my 20s & live with my parents because its so hard to afford to live on your own as a young single person here nowadays. I love my parents and please don’t get me wrong I am so grateful to have somewhere to live considering some people I’m sure don’t have that luxury.

But it’s making my anxiety awful. I have been told by numerous mental health professionals that all of my problems are because i live at home (long bad family history/childhood, won’t get into now), and that they can’t do anything for me because I need to move out from my parents.

My father is very racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, the lot. And he’s a mental conspiracy theorist. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for people to have their opinions even if they are very different to mine, each to their own. But he shoves it down my throat all the time, along with his hatefulness. It’s like I can’t be in the same room as him without a lecture and honestly I don’t want to know about this stuff because it’s all stuff out of my control which obvs triggers anxiety!
I’ve tried telling him ok I respect your opinions and I’m not disagreeing with you but please I do not want to hear about them because it makes my mental health bad. I also always hear him talking and swearing to himself and insulting us when he thinks no one is around.

My mother is an amazing woman. She does almost everything round the house, as well as being a healthcare worker sometimes more than 60 hours a week. My dad does decorating 5 days a week and just comes home, chain smokes and drinks coffee in his shed, watching Donald trump videos and stuff. So mother does all the cooking, cleaning (of what I don’t do/we share chores) she even does home improvements like decorating, she even took a wall down by herself, dug up the front garden and laid a drive! Honestly this woman is insane, I don’t know how someone in their late 50s gets the energy! The only issue is… she’s kind of nuts. A good kind but sometimes she is just too much/too loud for me. But I know that’s my issue of course, she is who she is and that’s not her fault. But the point is I do have issues and I just often find myself wishing for a quiet life on my own, but it is literally impossible in this economy. Mum also has BPD so there are times when she literally flips out and that’s not fun to be around as someone who’s a nervous wreck most of the time.
Tbh no one in my family seems to be able to control their emotions. Everyone gets very angry easily in my house and gets violent. It is a family curse, which I have luckily managed to avoid for myself as an adult.

I just wanted a chat I guess because it’s a tough situation where (as confirmed by multiple MH professionals) my situation is what’s killing me, but then I can’t be ungrateful as I’m not homeless or anything.


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Cuchculan

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Welcome to the forum. I think when we talk about anything to therapists or anybody similar it can be used against us over and over. I know some people who never tell them everything. Not right in some ways. If they want the right kind of help, all should be said. But on the other hand they know what they say will always be brought up to explain away much of what they are going through. Bit like visiting a normal GP. If he knows you have mental health issues, he might put everything down to that. Can't win in some ways.

I also still live at home with my mother. Works fine for both of us. We split all the bills. I do all the shopping and anything else that needs to be done. Since the whole Covid thing began this became my new life. May as well sleep in the shops, I am there that much. :p But company is good to have. If it is the right sort of company. You dad and his views would probably drive most people crazy. Though I do know a few who would hold the same views. If it is shoved in your face all of the time you will simply get fed up with it. Fed up hearing it.

An angry house could cause a lot of issues. Would do nobody any good in the long term. But hard to change some people if they are so used to been a certain way. You can't just flick a switch and make them stop. Make them change their ways. It would take a lot more than that.

Any roads. Make yourself at home on the forum.
 
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Fraser

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Im in my 20s & live with my parents because its so hard to afford to live on your own as a young single person here nowadays. I love my parents and please don’t get me wrong I am so grateful to have somewhere to live considering some people I’m sure don’t have that luxury.

But it’s making my anxiety awful. I have been told by numerous mental health professionals that all of my problems are because i live at home (long bad family history/childhood, won’t get into now), and that they can’t do anything for me because I need to move out from my parents.

My father is very racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, the lot. And he’s a mental conspiracy theorist. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for people to have their opinions even if they are very different to mine, each to their own. But he shoves it down my throat all the time, along with his hatefulness. It’s like I can’t be in the same room as him without a lecture and honestly I don’t want to know about this stuff because it’s all stuff out of my control which obvs triggers anxiety!
I’ve tried telling him ok I respect your opinions and I’m not disagreeing with you but please I do not want to hear about them because it makes my mental health bad. I also always hear him talking and swearing to himself and insulting us when he thinks no one is around.

My mother is an amazing woman. She does almost everything round the house, as well as being a healthcare worker sometimes more than 60 hours a week. My dad does decorating 5 days a week and just comes home, chain smokes and drinks coffee in his shed, watching Donald trump videos and stuff. So mother does all the cooking, cleaning (of what I don’t do/we share chores) she even does home improvements like decorating, she even took a wall down by herself, dug up the front garden and laid a drive! Honestly this woman is insane, I don’t know how someone in their late 50s gets the energy! The only issue is… she’s kind of nuts. A good kind but sometimes she is just too much/too loud for me. But I know that’s my issue of course, she is who she is and that’s not her fault. But the point is I do have issues and I just often find myself wishing for a quiet life on my own, but it is literally impossible in this economy. Mum also has BPD so there are times when she literally flips out and that’s not fun to be around as someone who’s a nervous wreck most of the time.
Tbh no one in my family seems to be able to control their emotions. Everyone gets very angry easily in my house and gets violent. It is a family curse, which I have luckily managed to avoid for myself as an adult.

I just wanted a chat I guess because it’s a tough situation where (as confirmed by multiple MH professionals) my situation is what’s killing me, but then I can’t be ungrateful as I’m not homeless or anything.


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Whoa, that's a lot to deal with. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to come from a mostly stable background. Have you started a kind of exit strategy for leaving this situation?
 

Livvie

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Whoa, that's a lot to deal with. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to come from a mostly stable background. Have you started a kind of exit strategy for leaving this situation?
Gone back to school to get qualified and hopefully go to uni. Will at least get me out for a few years and hopefully earning more after so ill be able to support myself. But goshhhh its hard being an adult and working and studying when you’re someone like me, i get SO stressed.


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Fraser

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Gone back to school to get qualified and hopefully go to uni. Will at least get me out for a few years and hopefully earning more after so ill be able to support myself. But goshhhh its hard being an adult and working and studying when you’re someone like me, i get SO stressed.


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What resources does your school have to help people like you who suffer from anxiety?
 

Livvie

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What resources does your school have to help people like you who suffer from anxiety?
I don’t know but my job has free counselling and advice i need to try


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