Husband

[Bmp]

So for awhile things have been fight at home, to me it is all stuff that can be fixed. We started counseling but had 2 sessions and my husband said he was going to move out. He told me he wanted to work on it he just wanted to be separated. Last weekend I found out a woman moved in with him. We have children they were supposed to go over but I refused to let them because this is a hard enough time for them as it is. He swears she will not be around when they are there. He refuses to let me come to the apartment. He swears that they are platonic friends, and he refuses to even tell me her name. So I looked at his past phone records and found her name out. I feel like I need to call her. I am a very stable person and I would not be calling to yell at her or belittle her I simply want the truth. What is going on, should I do this?

 

[Rinka]

Hi BMP. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing such difficulties. It must be hard for you and your children to come to terms with this situation.
I have not been in such a situation myself, but I have been as a child. When my parents split up it was the hardest time for me. My mother and my father fought a lot and my father did not want to see us. That was the hardest for me, that I could not see my father and to get the feeling that he does not want me with him.
I personally think, that you should let your children visit their father. You and your husband might have difficulties and you might not be able to solve them, but your children still have a right to see their father and to continue their relationship, even if yours is coming to an end.

I understand that it hurts to have the feeling that they are in a romantic relationship, but getting in contact with her and questioning her might give the impression that you want to have control over your husband and might drive him away rather than coming closer.

I hope for you that you will resolve your difficulties in one or the other way and wish you all the best.

 

[Hope Matthew1128]

For your sake, I am genuinely sorry about your cowardice unfaithful husband. And left home without explaining and decided to quit from attending further counseling. Are your children old enough to decide for themselves if they'd like to continue visiting with their father?

For your sake and sanity, keep yourself strong and brave to fight against the urgency to know who the other woman is. Be strong in yourself because your precious children mostly need you now for support. You are their only source of encouragement and hope in these days of uncertainty.

You are still their loving mother-- in your own quiet, sweet and brave way, whom they need to run to-- to be on top of everything with their own struggles they trust you to be-- like a fortress and a refuge to your children.

Meanwhile, I am feeling sad with you. But hopeful for you and your children's happiness.

 

[misszerable]

I would advise you to keep your pride and dignity intact and not try to get in touch with the woman. Calling to ask her for the truth would give her the importance she clearly does not deserve and will make whatever relationship she has with your husband official.

I know that it hurts to be betrayed but what makes it even more painful is the nagging thought that your husband continues to lie and deny the real relationship between him and the other woman. I can only think of two major reasons why he would still lie when it is all too obvious. One, he is on a trial relationship phase with the woman and would want you to hope that there is still a chance that you might still want to work the marriage out when he's ready. Two, he is a pathological liar and a coward who could not admit openly that he wants out of the marriage. Whatever it is, I urge you to get hold of yourself and be strong for your children's sake. You still have a life ahead of you with or without your husband.

I think that you should allow your children to come over and visit their father. It will be more difficult for them to be totally deprived of their father's company. You can help them go through these difficult times by staying strong and stable. I wish you and your children the best.

 

[Concernedgal]

So for awhile things have been fight at home, to me it is all stuff that can be fixed. We started counseling but had 2 sessions and my husband said he was going to move out. He told me he wanted to work on it he just wanted to be separated. Last weekend I found out a woman moved in with him. We have children they were supposed to go over but I refused to let them because this is a hard enough time for them as it is. He swears she will not be around when they are there. He refuses to let me come to the apartment. He swears that they are platonic friends, and he refuses to even tell me her name. So I looked at his past phone records and found her name out. I feel like I need to call her. I am a very stable person and I would not be calling to yell at her or belittle her I simply want the truth. What is going on, should I do this?

In my book if he's moved in another woman. . He's basically given up. Don't put yourself through more suffering than you have to. Your only prolonging the inevitable. As hard and difficult as this is... let the man go. He's obviously not trying to work this out. Like I said before he's already moved on with another woman. He sounds like a selfish person and from what I can tell from you... you deserve so much better. You really do. You need a man that will love you and only you, a man who wI'll do right by you. You deserve nothing but, the best in your life. If you stay with this man... your only prolonging your own suffering. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I never was in this kind of situation but if I was and my husband had been messing around I would have kicked him out of the house there is no need for that.It only puts to my stress on you or anybody else for that matter.I lost my husband nearly 13 years ago.Lucky for me he never cheated but he did tell me once that if I wasnt going to do it he would find someone else that would of course i gave in not that i wanted to,men can not all of them such pigs.

 

[Concernedgal]

Exactly. If he doesn't love you for you then ... go find somebody else. This is a part of the woman's liberation. We have rights now. We no longer have to give on to our husbands "whimms" . Screw that. And@Bmp. You are a strong woman . Your a mother for gods sake. Youhave your babies to help you get through this. You don't need this jerk. You really dont. Cut him loose. Your better off. And hey... your anxiety is almost guaranteed to be reduced. I promise you. You will reduce your stress hormones therefore reducing your anxiety. Please take my advice. . Stress kills. Of your worried about your children .. Don't be. When I was a child my father cheated on my mom all the time. Having to see her unhappy. . I wish she would of just divorced my dad and put herself out of her misery. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how unhappy she was and that made me unhappy. Your children need you to be happy. They need it. And they will be better off in the long run. I was 1 of those children .