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How do i help my partner with anxiety?

Gorlano

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Hi. I'm hoping for a bit of advice. My girlfriend is currently really struggling with anxiety - so much so that is pushing me away and becoming very distant. We do not live together (she lives with family) and she does not like talking on the phone so I'm relying in texting at the moment. Up until a couple of weeks ago we would see each other most days and she would spend a lot of the week at mine, but she just cant bring herself to see me at the moment.

She has no become very distant and barely texts, she keeps pushing me away for various reasons which all lead back to her not understanding why I want to be with her, to me not being able to have a future with her etc, I possibly tried too hard and overdid the texting and sending of presents etc in a misguided attempt to help.

Basically what do I do to help? Hiw do I stope her pushing me away? I have no intention of walking away as others have done, I want to be there for her and help but I feel a bit lost. Do I just stop texting and give her space? Do I send a couple of texts a day just to say I'm here if she needs me? Text her about my day? Try to be funny? Send motivational memes etc. All advice will be greatly appreciated - thankyou
 

Hooligan1214

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When I get anxious I shut down, push away my partner, and start convincing myself he will/should leave me. We have a different situation cause we live together so I have a harder time "hiding" from him, but I emotionally disconnect. The best thing he has done or continues to do is to not pry, but to be present and offer unjudgmental love. He just holds or hugs me or just lets me knows hes there. If he tries to figure out what is making me anxious when I'm in the thick of it, I tend to breakdown even more. So that's usually (for me) a better discussion for when I'm calmer. But, just allowing your partner space but reminders that you are there and willing to be there however you can is a lot. Also, funny things are always nice. I hope that this was helpful?
 

Gorlano

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When I get anxious I shut down, push away my partner, and start convincing myself he will/should leave me. We have a different situation cause we live together so I have a harder time "hiding" from him, but I emotionally disconnect. The best thing he has done or continues to do is to not pry, but to be present and offer unjudgmental love. He just holds or hugs me or just lets me knows hes there. If he tries to figure out what is making me anxious when I'm in the thick of it, I tend to breakdown even more. So that's usually (for me) a better discussion for when I'm calmer. But, just allowing your partner space but reminders that you are there and willing to be there however you can is a lot. Also, funny things are always nice. I hope that this was helpful?

Thankyou so much for your reply, that really was helpful. I have noticed that she seems to shut down more when I try and help her by figuring things out and I probably am guilty of trying to find ways to "fix" everything. As much as I want to I cant just go and hold her but i can definitely just be here when she needs me. I really do appreciate the reply
 

Cuchculan

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Be honest with her. You haven't a clue about anxiety, but you will always be there for her. Meaning she may need time alone. That can happen. Her own space for a few days. It may seem like pushing the person away. But we like to be alone during bad bouts of anxiety. She might be thinking that you can do better. That she has nothing to offer you. Unlike a person without anxiety who you might be able to go places with and do lots of things. If you are alright not doing all those things and accepting this is how it might be, then she just might begin to open up a bit more. It can depend on the extent of her anxiety. Some people can be far worse than others. If she does get upset, don't fight back. The last thing she needs. But expect the old mood swings at times. I will be honest and admit it will be hard going at times. You might end up thinking ' is it really worth it all '. Might call it a day. Move on to somebody without anxiety issues. That I could well understand too.
 
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Gorlano

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Be honest with her. You haven't a clue avout anxiety, but you will always be there for her. Meaning she may need time alone. That can happen. Her own space for a few days. It may seem like pushing the person away. Byt we like to be alone during bad bouts of anxiety. She might be thinking that you can do better. That she has nothing to offer you. Unlike a person without anxiety who you might be able to go places with and do lots of things. If you are alright not doing all those things and accepting this is how it might be, then she just might begin to open up a bit more. It can depend on the extent of her anxiety. Some people can be far worse than others. If she does get upset, don't fight back. The last thing she needs. But expect the old mood swings at times. I will be honest and admit it will be hard going at times. You might end up thinking ' is it really worth it all '. Might call it a day. Move on to somebody without anxiety issues. That I could well understand too.
Thankyou for the reply, that was very helpful. I have no interest in moving on or alling it a day. I want to be here for her, I'm just trying to find that balance of being there but not so much that she keeps pushing
 
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