This morning I had a flashback that took me to Egypt with the uprising there. I tried to say my current address out loud because doing that is supposed to bring you back into the present. It got really freaky because I couldn't remember my address. There I was fighting against unreality in motion without the means to reach back however hard I stretched. Eventually, I got the words out and managed to say my address out loud. As soon as I had done that the flashback stopped but left the rest of the symptoms to deal with in its wake. I felt dizzy and I couldn't get my breath. I thought I was going to throw up and felt tearful as well. After a quarter of an hour, I was still dizzy and breathless and starting to feel shaky. My whole body shaking and then my body started to make involuntary deep breaths. An hour later and I felt cold and was shivering and noticed that I was grinding my teeth. It's now two hours later and I still feel a bit weak. A little shaky but my breathing is almost back to normal now. So a flashback can last two hours with the other symptoms that it brings about before I am okay to carry on with normal tasks again. How do your panic attacks affect you all? How long do they last and what is it that brings them on?
I'm so sorry that happened to you, that sounds so horrifying My panic attacks get really intense too. The best way I can explain it is that I feel like I'm going to die. Like I have a feeling that my heart is going to stop. My flashbacks can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours with varying intensity. The main thing that triggers my flashbacks is when I smell someone wearing the cologne that my abuser wore.
It is horrifying having flashbacks. Last week I was in a shoe shop and the lady asked my size. But suddenly I was a couple of thousand miles away in North Africa! lol My mind went blank and I knew I was going to go into a panic and get the shakes so I left quickly in case of embarrassment. Can you still smell the cologne after the person has gone past? Does your flashback go into movie land and take you back into that moment? How do you get out of it?
Oh no, that sounds awful! I hope the lady was understanding about it. I can still smell it after the person has gone past, and the flashbacks do take me back into that moment. It's really hard to get out of it but the thing that works the most effectively is to hold my fiance's hand and have him tell me who he is and that he's not my abuser and that we're together now and my abuser is gone. Eventually that calms me down. He's really good about helping keep me grounded when I'm having a panic attack or flashbacks.
Your fiance does sound very understanding indeed and that makes me happy because he must love you very much. It is that love that will give you strength to overcome the difficult times. The lady in the shoe shop seemed to look at me blankly, I told her sorry I just had a flashback but she looked at me with a dum smile on her face. She didn't know what I was talking about. So it was quite funny really. I do try to see the funny side of this awful illness. Isn't it strange @_Lukas how the mind works? I am amazed that I can be here in 2017 minding my own business and doing my own thang, and then, suddenly I'm 2K miles away in a totally different year. I wonder how it is that our noses can smell an aroma that isn't there. Or how our minds can honestly believe we are somewhere else. It's my crazy two dogs that keep me grounded, and feeling loved and happy!
My fiance always says "You are the love of my life, my everything, and my best friend." He also says "Moja kochana, mój anioł," which means "My sweetheart, my angel" in Polish. He's very romantic He calls everyone "sweetie," "angel," and "beautiful" though lol. Even straight guys. People are kind of intimidated by him at first, especially when they're just seeing him from behind, because he's about 6'8" and he has kind of a bigger build. Then he turns around and they see that he wears makeup and he has these big blue eyes and they're like "Oh." Lol. His job is actually a makeup artist, and he did musical theatre in high school and college and he's like constantly singing so he's really not all that scary lol. I'm sorry she had that reaction. I try to see the funny side of everything too. It is strange, I wonder how that works too. The mind is a mysterious thing. I'm so glad your dogs keep you grounded! I don't know what I would do without my crazy dogs either, I love my girls. They keep me grounded, loved and happy too.
That is nice what your fiance calls you! He sounds like a lovely person. He sounds like a fun guy to be around, you are lucky. I was married twice before, and both of my husbands played around with other women, while I stayed at home being a good girl. So now I have ended up on my own. Although, it doesn't feel like I am alone. This morning my puppy Carl came and laid beside me and rested his head on top of my head. Then he started shoving his nose in my nose. Yep! right up my nostrils. It made me laugh so much that I ended up getting up out of bed. I don't think I am normal but I have become to really like living on my own. I have a problem with other people LOL! (That is my mental state though!) I'd like to understand more about PTSD and CPTSD. Although I had it when I was six and again now, I don't really know enough about it, if anything at all.
He's so wonderful, he's really changed my life He's definitely a fun guy to be around and I consider myself very lucky That's so awful that your husbands did that to you It's awesome that you have your dogs though. My ex, who was also my abuser, cheated on me a lot so I understand what that's like. It really sucks. That is so cute, lol! I love when dogs do things like that I have a problem with other people too, my fiance is really the only person I've allowed to get close to me in a long time. I'd like to understand more about it too, which is why I'm studying psychology. I want to know more about myself and also would like to learn how I can help others that are going through the same thing. If only I understood human psychology as much as I understand canine psychology, lol!
I'mean sorry to hear about your husbands being ass holes to you. Although, I do understand your like of being alone. On my day off,I just want my husband to leave the house for a little while so that I can have time to cry or clean ( I have anxiety cleaning in front of others, I feel people judge me ) anyways, sometimes I turn music on and let my sadness or anger any emotion out. I feel that I can be myself more when i'm alone. I totally get why you love it.
It is the only time I can be completely myself. So that means it is the only time I can totally relax. I always feel as though people are judging me as well and I run a mile from it. I am a very unselfish person and whenever I live with anyone else, my whole day becomes about them. I have to wash cook and clean so they are the guest who gets service. I don't mind doing my bit but it ends up like that every time. My second husband didn't mind doing a bit of housework but he also told me that women are for sex and service. They were there to cook and clean, mend and host guests and that is what I did for him. But English men are just the same, at least the ones I get to meet so maybe it's something to do with my energy and what I attract? For anyways, I prefer to live with a couple of dogs. I like being part of this pack, especially as I'm the alpha as well! I get the charge of the tv remote, I can use the pc when I want, stay up till whatever time, read a book when ever I want, sleep whenever I want, cook when I want, pray and anything whenever I want. It really is nice to be able to have this freedom. My husbands had good parts to their characters as well, they weren't all bad. (just lots and loads!) My second husband was a real character, some stories about him really make me laugh to remember them.
Most men are the same and they are ass-holes still because they still can't except that women are there own people now and they are also pissed that women realize now that women don't need to be married to be happy so they feel the need to take away our self esteem in order for them to fulfill there selfish needs.
It goes back to the old days doesn't it when the women had to stay in the home and take care of the man and the family. The fact that we got the vote didn't mean that the men agreed to it. So some of them are still living in the dark ages. Some men are good though and quite modern. They are happy to go to work and encourage their wives to live their lives to the full.
There is one thing that I have noticed about the younger generation though... some men are starting to get insulted if the woman doesn't go out and work to contribute to the household. Some say that's kinda mean but, I kinda find it refreshing. A real man puts his own selfish needs aside and want what's best for the family instead. I think this is a refreshing change.
No, it isn't mean. But those men should also help with the work in the house too. It is okay if one stays at home and does all the work at home, but if both are going out to work, then I think that both should do the equal chores at home.
This is my stance on gender roles: My fiance enjoys being a "housewife" type (that's how he describes it). We both have careers and we both try to do chores around the house but he will take over my chores and do them for me, and he always does the laundry and cooking and cleaning, does the dishes, makes the bed, gardens, etc. He enjoys being more "domestic." He always says that when we have kids he wants to be a "stay-at-home mom." He always refers to himself as the more feminine one out of the two of us and I always tell him not to stereotype our roles, and I point out that I also have a lot of feminine qualities. I think what he's trying to say is that he wears makeup and takes a lot of care with his appearance and he fills all the roles in our relationship that are stereotypically more female? Idk but I think that's what he means. I mean, I play competitive soccer and go to the gym and I play video games and I fix computers and I wear mainly athleticwear and I have guys' nights with my male friends and I like big, tough, masculine dogs, but I still think of myself as femme. On the other hand I drink wine and like to have girls' nights with my female friends and I watch shows like Teen Mom and I snuggle with the puppy and I have a closet full of shoes. So what I'm trying to get at here is that I think gender roles are just stereotypes. I think most people, whether or not they care to admit it, have both a masculine and feminine side. Some may be more towards the masculine side and some may be more towards the feminine side, but we're all a bit of both. I hope that made sense, that was just my input.
I think that it is lovely that you have your roles within your relationship. It shows me those same sex marriages have the yin and yang betwixt that couple just the same as traditional marriages.
I don't know about the younger generation, but I do remember that when my brother was getting married, the family were all discussing if his new wife was going to carry on with her job or not. It was okay in the old days as we both had our roles to play. Nowadays though, it is only fair that both partners do their bit inside and outside of the home.
You said it. We should both do our parts as husband and wife. And if that woman didn't keep her job... then she should have because I know from personal experience that if you put all of the financial burden on one person (me) . Then you will start to resent the person that doesn't (my husband). That seems to be my problem right now. I come home from work and I can't even rest without my list of things to do. Do this..do that.. . Well how about (no) you do it yourself buster. We fight a lot about it.
He needs a good talking to your hubby! I'd love to say to him, 'Oh Hi house-husband, and what chores are on the cards for you today? Dinner at 6 pm please, nice and hot and ready on the table! lol Perhaps buy him a nice present? How about a new washing machine? Or something cheaper - a little hand mixer! Seriously though, what about resting yourself when you get home? Or when you do your own washing, just do your own and not his? He should be doing his bit not leaving it all to you. That isn't fair and it just makes him seem like a taker. I'm sorry that you have to live like that.
