- Joined
- Jan 11, 2019
- Messages
- 59
- Likes
- 38
Hi all I'm Sam.
I was born with extreme anxiety and struggled my entire life, especially when having to deal with people or having to socialize with them. I don't know a good solution for it, and I need some help. My mom does so much for me, but like she says- she's not going to be around forever and I will eventually have to learn how to be an adult and handle things on my own.
I was severely bullied growing up (way more than just teasing) and I know I brought it on myself because of how scaredy-cat I acted around everything. The boys that picked on me constantly were jerks, but I don't blame them in the sense that a lion must always chase the gazelle and whether we like it or not it is a dog eat dog world. Men especially should not be that way, men should be strong and confident - and I was just some overly sissified easily bullied anxiety-ridden mama's boy. I was terrified of almost everything, if I seemed cool and calm on the outside- I was just masking a nervous breakdown or meltdown that I would later have in front of my family. I would be afraid of the weirdest things, not just people- but certain books that were actually tame. It was so bizarre.
I was always so certain I had some serious life-threatening illness (I don't, but always feel that I do) that I wasted a lot of mine and my mom's money on a few trips to the ER. The anxiety is so bad if I have a mild or moderate cold I can feel like I'm literally dying, everything becomes way too exaggerated and 'real.' The tiniest sensation is incredibly magnified in my body, and feels about 20x worse than it actually is. When people say 'Sam, you're just too sensitive' it's the under-statement of the century lol.
I got my first and only job in my mid 20s (I'm 35 now) and I ended up throwing up every day before having to go in due to nerves and stress. I was able to tough it out until they eventually laid me off, but it was a miserable experience. Going crazy alone in my room is worse though.
I would like to do more things with friends IRL but the anxiety stops me. The one friend I have that I met IRL via online gaming is really nice and supportive of me, but I still feel nervous around him even after he's so nice to me. It sucks , I wish I could show him how much he means to me and that I appreciate his kindness. I know it's something internally in me that I wish I could just 'fix.' As you could be the sweetest non-bully person in the world, and I probably still would end up feeling face-palm-ishly terrified of you. I was literally for a long time, actually afraid of my own shadow.
Just going out and doing a chore with my mom can be a nightmare. If not, if I have it under control that day of sorts, it still just ends up exhausting me instead. I'm not that out of shape, I'm losing weight and eating better- why do I feel so drained and tired all the time. Everything tires me out, due to the overthinking and worrying and stress. It is hard to even enjoy things that used to give me some relief from it. I know it's genetic, because my mom and dad and grandma all panicked way too easily. But I got it the worse out of all of them, I think. It is hard to function in day to day life because of this.
There probably isn't a 'pretty ribbon' solution to these problems like I want there to be but anyway, thanks for listening.
I was born with extreme anxiety and struggled my entire life, especially when having to deal with people or having to socialize with them. I don't know a good solution for it, and I need some help. My mom does so much for me, but like she says- she's not going to be around forever and I will eventually have to learn how to be an adult and handle things on my own.
I was severely bullied growing up (way more than just teasing) and I know I brought it on myself because of how scaredy-cat I acted around everything. The boys that picked on me constantly were jerks, but I don't blame them in the sense that a lion must always chase the gazelle and whether we like it or not it is a dog eat dog world. Men especially should not be that way, men should be strong and confident - and I was just some overly sissified easily bullied anxiety-ridden mama's boy. I was terrified of almost everything, if I seemed cool and calm on the outside- I was just masking a nervous breakdown or meltdown that I would later have in front of my family. I would be afraid of the weirdest things, not just people- but certain books that were actually tame. It was so bizarre.
I was always so certain I had some serious life-threatening illness (I don't, but always feel that I do) that I wasted a lot of mine and my mom's money on a few trips to the ER. The anxiety is so bad if I have a mild or moderate cold I can feel like I'm literally dying, everything becomes way too exaggerated and 'real.' The tiniest sensation is incredibly magnified in my body, and feels about 20x worse than it actually is. When people say 'Sam, you're just too sensitive' it's the under-statement of the century lol.
I got my first and only job in my mid 20s (I'm 35 now) and I ended up throwing up every day before having to go in due to nerves and stress. I was able to tough it out until they eventually laid me off, but it was a miserable experience. Going crazy alone in my room is worse though.
I would like to do more things with friends IRL but the anxiety stops me. The one friend I have that I met IRL via online gaming is really nice and supportive of me, but I still feel nervous around him even after he's so nice to me. It sucks , I wish I could show him how much he means to me and that I appreciate his kindness. I know it's something internally in me that I wish I could just 'fix.' As you could be the sweetest non-bully person in the world, and I probably still would end up feeling face-palm-ishly terrified of you. I was literally for a long time, actually afraid of my own shadow.
Just going out and doing a chore with my mom can be a nightmare. If not, if I have it under control that day of sorts, it still just ends up exhausting me instead. I'm not that out of shape, I'm losing weight and eating better- why do I feel so drained and tired all the time. Everything tires me out, due to the overthinking and worrying and stress. It is hard to even enjoy things that used to give me some relief from it. I know it's genetic, because my mom and dad and grandma all panicked way too easily. But I got it the worse out of all of them, I think. It is hard to function in day to day life because of this.
There probably isn't a 'pretty ribbon' solution to these problems like I want there to be but anyway, thanks for listening.
I struggle with weight, AND I take a medication for anxiety/depression (Lexapro). I can't tell you whether my weight is caused or affected by the meds or not, but I CAN say that when I'm having extreme anxiety, I tend to not take care of myself as well. I overeat. I don't feel motivated to exercise. I don't want to meal plan to have healthy options. When my mind is healthier, my body is healthier, and vice versa. I was really afraid of medication too, but it was the best decision for me and I've not regretted giving it a try. Also, nothing is permanent - if you try for a couple of months and it doesn't help you, you can stop.