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Hello friends,

bigjetplane6

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Just here venting.
I am broken, anxious, overwhelmed, upset, stressed out. Currently going through a HA episode - Googled already and I have 2 self diagnoses and want to cry. I’ll be posting about it soon (trying to stay strong but I know i’ll be breaking soon)
I’m tired of this. I envy those who don’t have HA.
I wish I could be like them. I don’t wish anybody to walk in my shoes but those who don’t understand HA and say “Just snap out of it”, I wish we could trade shoes for a split second just so you can feel and see how I feel.
I envy those who have HA and have “ghost symptoms” such as high blood pressure, headaches, etc that are triggered by HA.
I hate being a HA sufferer with physical symptoms such as a new lump on your body, a skin change, etc. Physical symptoms that you actually can see and see a change.
I’m not saying it’s harder, I’m just saying... I guess maybe it is harder in a way. Don’t get mad at me friends. I’m just venting away.....
Sometimes I feel like I can’t take this anymore. I’m tired. Mentally. This is tough.
And what breaks me more is that my family can’t get me 100% because I’m always on edge and anxious and worried and going to the bathroom to check out the body part that has me anxious and feeling restless.
I’m tired, God. I don’t understand and probably won’t ever understand why You let us suffer like this.
Now the tears are rolling down my face. And i thought i had no tears left...
 

Trunchbee

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I am with you 100% on this. If they’re not going through it, they’ll never understand the true struggles that we face daily. I can try to convince myself over and over again that somehow, someway I have control over anything that happens to my body. But there’s always that chance, right? I hope that you’re doing a little better. Hopefully this episode will pass soon !
 

suzzeeb

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I am going through a terrible time right now as well so I understand the pain you are feeling and also the loneliness because most people can't possibly understand. I pray for everyone on this board every day. I don't think we can ever understand why God allows suffering, but I try as hard as I can (very difficult sometimes) to trust that he will give us the strength to get through the dark times we go through and bring us some peace along the way.
 

Bobnnat

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All I can add is that I’m in the same boat. The fear, especially upon waking and realizing all over again the specific issues I’m now dealing with. The what if’s, the inner conversations trying to rationalize what’s happening. Yes, the loved ones who just want you back. I get that but yes, walk in my shoes for 30 seconds. The “answer” is accepting the uncertainty, but for me it’s like trying to chase down a butterfly. Elusive.
 

MakUSA

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Oh man, you are not alone, I myself going to a very hard time since the beginning of 2021, I was feeling better but the last 10 days or so it reached the limit, at one point I am wondering if it worth to have life like this. And its hard to get support and explain to some people, they will of course go with the "just stop it and feel better again" but its not easy at all.

I hope all of you including myself see better days, this feeling must go away, its unbearable
 

bigjetplane6

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I am with you 100% on this. If they’re not going through it, they’ll never understand the true struggles that we face daily. I can try to convince myself over and over again that somehow, someway I have control over anything that happens to my body. But there’s always that chance, right? I hope that you’re doing a little better. Hopefully this episode will pass soon !
Thank you.
What’s your current HA scare you’re going through?
I am going through a terrible time right now as well so I understand the pain you are feeling and also the loneliness because most people can't possibly understand. I pray for everyone on this board every day. I don't think we can ever understand why God allows suffering, but I try as hard as I can (very difficult sometimes) to trust that he will give us the strength to get through the dark times we go through and bring us some peace along the way.
What’s your current scare
All I can add is that I’m in the same boat. The fear, especially upon waking and realizing all over again the specific issues I’m now dealing with. The what if’s, the inner conversations trying to rationalize what’s happening. Yes, the loved ones who just want you back. I get that but yes, walk in my shoes for 30 seconds. The “answer” is accepting the uncertainty, but for me it’s like trying to chase down a butterfly. Elusive.
Exactly. What are you currently battling?
Oh man, you are not alone, I myself going to a very hard time since the beginning of 2021, I was feeling better but the last 10 days or so it reached the limit, at one point I am wondering if it worth to have life like this. And its hard to get support and explain to some people, they will of course go with the "just stop it and feel better again" but its not easy at all.

I hope all of you including myself see better days, this feeling must go away, its unbearable
What’s currently on your mind?
 

Trunchbee

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It varies daily. But my biggest fear is the headaches/ migraines. I’ve tried to improve my way of life by exercising and in smaller ways, my diet. But as much as I try not to stress, I can’t help it. It’s as if I’m a worrier by nature. I’m afraid that one day I’ll lose control, and my health is the one thing I literally don’t have control over. Right now I have a tension headache that hasn’t gone away for about 4 hours. It’s been a long week. I hope you’re feeling better!
 

Bobnnat

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It’s been several things lately which have come and gone. But right now it’s uncertainty. Big surprise, right? I’ve had my life insurance through my wife’s job and they upped the premium big time and lowered the amount they’d insure. Nothing to do with me or my health, it was an underwriting decision. I get that. So I found a good policy, same limit as before and similar premium. They required blood and urine. About 5 weeks ago I gave the samples. I also answered a myriad of questions. All standard requirements. So no word and yesterday I made the mistake of calling the agent who said they sent my doctor a form asking questions and asking for records.

I spoke with the receptionist At my doctors office. They wanted his opinions on the things I stated and their effect on me, like low back pain, my anxiety and an ultrasound I had last year. no worries there, but they asked for previous labs, I guess the last ones I had. So I’m wondering why? Did they see something in the labs they took? But they didn’t send my doctor the results from the labs they just took, and I guess if they saw something troubling, they’d let him know and specifically ask him about that; whether whatever they saw was an existing problem, and all that. They didn’t as best I can tell from what the receptionist said.

What if’s. Damn what if’s. My wife says they’re just doing their due diligence, standard stuff. My mind goes to leukaemia, myeloma, kidney issues and anything else that blood work can show. My last labs were 6 months ago and were all normal. I just can’t get a mental break lately. I need this to end.
 

Bobnnat

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Update. Just spoke with my doctor. Says what they sent and asked for was totally routine, and she herself had similar info requests from the insurer when she applied for coverage. She also said if there were something of concern found, her office would be alerted.

I feel better, but of course I’ll be overthinking this all again on and off. I hate HA so much. HA is our cross to bear in this life and it’s overwhelming at times, as you all know too well.
 
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