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Has any one feel worth less

PRguru_cfj

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I am in collage, twenty four years of age, and is border line suicidal at times. But sometimes I'm strangely happy. Guess that's what Gemini"s are. Thease past youlears ever since high school I feel depressed and I feel like I can not contribute anything to society. During the day I am fine butat night. I am angry depressed, sad and suicidal at times but I am good at hiding and running.

I am a coward and I accepts any punishment as such. I have no job, can't drive, can't even speak Spanish as well as I should, lazy, mistrustful, selfish, ugly, and above all worthless on anything I try

I am thinking of suicide and I know it's bad and I k ow its gonna hurt a couple of people, but I stopped beliving in anything.I even started not believing in god anymore because of my depression. So I ask all who can listen. What can a sorry sack of **** like me do to make me stop feeling this way I am at the point of not trying anything and just giving up which us nothing new I am a burden and a fool who deserves to die. I am at the point that I think I am worth nothing and I will die being. Nothing. Talentless and a clown that everyone laughs at and avoids.
 

Izthewiz

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Suicide is never the answer.
It only leaves pain and suffering for those who love you,trust me I know.
It doesnt matter what you have in life
I believe happiness is making small steps in progress toward what you want out of life.
If you want to learn Spanish you have to live in a country where its common
My dad is from Mexico and I speak a little Spanish that to me is horrible.
Find a hobby something you like it could be childish but special to you.
I collect Legos,pokemon and magic cards I'm almost 40!
 

PRguru_cfj

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Its easy just to forget the feeling and smile and say I'm fine. But I've been the same ever since 10. I always had this darkness in ne that wants to hurt my self and others. I am older and I get m ou re and more agitated. I haven't had nothing violent .....yet. But sometimes I think I should have hurt back. To become thing I suppress. To finally have the time to express my true feelings. I do all the good things I do JUST to appease others, to feel accepted and loved. But what did God behavior and grades get me, NOT A DAMN THING. Just a cookie and a pat on the head. I hate everything more and more every day. But I know I can not do anything so Injust let it roll off me and the bad memories replay again again and Again. Now I just want to be left alone and the thought of relationships and friends underly repulsive me. I guess offing my self gets alot more appealing little by little. You may say thier is a hell, but I just think there's nothing but this: Your born you live and you Die. Nothing else
 

Siphonophorae

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I don’t think I’ve ever said, but yes I think everyone has that feeling. Me too sometimes. An I-hate-everything-and-everybody sort of situation. You say trying to feel accepted and loved by grades and behavior? Honestly grades are short-term goals. What are they gonna do for you later on? Behavior isn’t really that important in itself. As for God, how did you connect him to your life? What did you think of him? Like a magical seal to make your life heaven on earth? Or a genie who’s supposed to grant your every desire if you be a good boy? I know that you know how I feel on this specific matter, but maybe you didn’t really get what I said. I did not say following God makes an easy and perfect life. Nothing here is perfect, it’s the sad truth and easily depressing. Trying to be perfect but knowing here you never will, that hurts. Knowing every day can bring something painful with it, that hurts. But living your life however you want because you deny that Hell exists, I’ll tell you, that is the worst idea possible. Hell exists forever, like the burning garbage bin to end all burning garbage bins. Live your 70 give-or-take years of life like this, burn in Hell forever. Why don’t you think Hell exists? Are you in denial? Are you too depressed to take a good, hard look at the way you manage your life? PRguru_cfj, please, just think about killing yourself. If what you say is true, then you could say all your pain is over and nothing will ever hurt you again. You could also say that you are now a body lying on the ground, in the dirt, in a box, whatever. If Hell exists, then all you’ve done is thrown away your time remaining on a place muuuuuuuuch better than Hell. You’ve shortened your road to eternal torture. Do you really want to take your chances with Hell? I’ll tell you it’s a bad idea. Please, please, this is the best thing you can do, reach out to others, but please think about what I’ve said.
 

imsotired

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hello hope you are doing well i am so sorry that you are going through this and you are seriously not alone. i know what it feels like. having anxiety not being in control and nott knowing what to do sometimes in my bad days i have suicidal thoughts but i find that taking up a hobby like singing or playing a musical instrument rlly helps

you are stronger than you know. sharing youre experience with people you don't know is rlly brave. it allows other people to give insight which will benefit youre recovery which will help you to get better:). during my loswest points i started to loose faith in get but now i listen to podasts- i strongly suggest listening to them "god gives us the strength to do things"

remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, you will get through this trust me we are in this together
 

PRguru_cfj

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I should elaborate of my whole death thing. It started like realybstarted in middle school when I had the flu. I got realy drowsy for no reason and just went to sleep in my bed. Then I woke up nearly jumping off my bed. My dad told me I was out for to days. It like I was dead. Feeling nothing and just being nothing. The second reason was in middle school before that when I got jumped by my so called friends I knew ever since kindergarten. Granted middle school is the age almost all kids become assholes.

Now I'm ****** up in the head and now I can't trust anyone. Its bravery that your your not well, it's just common instinct of human beings. I missed out on alot and regret not partaking in things that would help me. It's not a bad thing atleast for me to admit your not good enough. It lowered my expectations and saved me from alot of headaches, heartaches, and emotional stress. I get stressed out easily if things get to hard so I avoid things that put to much responsibility on me.

I could pray for every little thing but even those can't pay Bill's or stop a repeating problem. How can I believe in something if I can't believe in my self. All I see at the end of the road is bbn blackness. I die nothing but black. No soul no feeling and no memory of anything. Just nothing but none existence for someone as wretched as me. I learned this from this point on. Those who don't have the power or the skills to stand on thier own two feet will never go far. And those who are imprisoned by thier feelings and the past will miss the future.

I live in the here and now and want to forget the past and avoid the future. But I'm just barrowed tine just waiting for the day when I'm dumb enough to take my own life. Or just forget about it and continue with my hobbies.
 

imsotired

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that's a good saying :) if you live in the bast and imprison yourself by negativity you wont get anything out of it . ayyyyye im so proud of that quote !!!!!!hahaha
 
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