Hard to make choices cost of living

[Otherside]

You mean money abroad? I usually have one card (or apple pay) on me, have another in the hotel, so worst comes to the worst, if i lose access to the phone, I still have a card.

How many sessions of therapy have had? It can take time to trust the therapist, to learn and use the techniques taught to you to use.

 

[Phil10]

I’m still having issues ordering new iPads and buying stuff selling it ect often eating into my savings only to go skint to pay it back the month later. At time I feel I need it and can’t wait.

 

[Phil10]

So the update is the on going issues since the summer the phone the banking apps, phones at work, friends saying what they said has affected my mental health.

I was maybe 3 months off propranlol but I restarted last night and I contacted the therapist. I struggled to make work my heart was racing I was terrified seen wheelchairs and worried I wouldn’t survive.

The latest trigger came with my sisters divorce happened in summer. Helped her pick another house. Then I heard she may not get it and they were hiding her financial situation due to a bad credit check. So my brother is getting a new kitchen paid cash 3 months later no kitchen I said they lost the money. Contacted the guy and said he spoke to my brother. Within minutes my brother phoned my mum then me and said they paid card and it’s none of my business despite me helping him initially. So the lies seems to be an issue and my gran mother is in hospital so my mum is very negative too. So this made me very anxious all the family lies and also the friends who said oh I only work part time how do I manage it (I later told them I had savings) they now ignore me at work where I work in a shop. Stand next to me known them 18 years or so and they say nothing like I don’t exist. Can’t magic up new friends. Tried a new job in summer quit after 2 weeks

The phone stolen issue made me very worried. I decided I can’t travel with a £1000 pound iPad Pro. Sold a standard one at £300 more than once and finally accepted I need to carry the cheaper iPad. I have been back to the metro station in Belgium with good iPhone since this month. I was fine just held onto my phone and my savings is no longer on my main phone only phone in house. The experience was awful went to Belgium police station and it was closed. Had to phone bank change all my cards ect. It’s caused long term trauma. I had no iCloud back up i now do. I was pick pocketed so it was fine in the way I never noticed so the trauma was after it as 1. I lost an expensive phone and 2. I had lost my stuff and had go change banking stuff.

I feel there’s jealousy going on my brother sister and friends dislike that I am part time and have savings. They have said this to be direct I should work more. I have put holidays pics on Facebook this could trigger jealousy so maybe I made a mistake there. I have since distanced myself from them. My mother also told me to leave my wife this summer after an argument I refused to. They now ignore her texts often. This is another stress.

I spend alot of time questioning it all I enjoy console games movies started reading books this chills me out but it’s hard as some days I have to speak to people. Can anybody offer any advice on these issues?

 

[Cuchculan]

Honest answer? I think it boils down to how people view you. Do they view you as a person who is showing off all they have? You might not think so. But they might be thinking that way. Here he goes again. I have no idea how much you talk about what you have to your family. Social media is social media. People post on it for others to see. A few years back you wanted to post because you felt you had to post on it. That was a big problem back then for you. People were not inviting you to things. So this is not really a new problem. They might view you as a person who is rubbing things in, by way of what you are doing and what you have. I might be wrong. It is not that they are jealous. Just fed up with you. That is just my take on that one. Social media was never a good place for you. Is still not a good place for you.

I think you learned a hard lesson after the phone was stolen. You will do all you can to make sure that never happens again. Shame it happened to begin with. All part of life. Have heard of worse things happening to people. Cruel world we live in at times. Not everybody is a good person. You learned that much. I hope it never happens again to you.

I would leave you brother and sister to deal with their own money issues. It is not your business. They are adults. And they might not like you saying anything to them. If you are doing well for yourself and they are not, they could get fed up with you if you say or do the wrong things. Back away from any talk of money with them. Let them sort their own mess out.

 

[Phil10]

So yet more frustrations

I got some quotes for new windows (my latest job) two quotes said they would get back with a price neither got back with one. I do know roughly how much they will cost. I am keen not to use savings as try to save for them but I am annoyed as I put off these quotes various times. Often when I view larger houses they maybe have newer windows and that makes me keen to move. I am trying to put right some things here but without spending thousands it’s never going to be a brand new kitchen only a touch up. I sort of blame life in general maybe not meant to move. No windows right now either sure I can chase up but on this occasion I feel given I am not 100% I am better to keep saving anyway. But still I did get a few odds and end jobs done and the my showed up. Tue bigger job just my luck no price.

I also remain frustrated that I can’t do long haul flights due to anxiety and I prefer trains. I mean I still get a holiday but still can’t feel content.

 

[rosiemayor]

I understand how tough it can be to make choices when the cost of living is so high. It often feels like there’s a lot of pressure to manage expenses and make the right decisions. Sometimes, it’s okay to slow down and really think about what you need versus what you want. Finding support or advice from others who understand can also make a big difference. You’re not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Phil10]

I’ve been having ocd about a kitchen vinyl wrap I got done a few weeks back. Within two days I had removed the wrap as worried it smelt of smoke or a fruity smell. So I got it rewrapped but still worried it smelt. At first I said 80% of smell went and worried I could only smell it with the tumble dryer.

I feel I need to either remove the whole kitchen that would cost £4 grand. New worktops new tumble dryer all still atleast £1 thousand pounds. Or at worst case move house which I had hoped to do anyway.

Problem is the smell would stick to the wall and any kitchen work might not add value to the house if I did sell.

People suggest a phantom smell. For example I could sell it so strong off my t shirt last night then I had a shower came out and the smell was gone. I also don’t smell it all time. It was worst at first I felt fibres and stronger smells so I mean 2 weeks later it’s much better. I have tried opening doors and air fresheners. Seems a fruity smell left but not always there.

I have ocd so don’t want to be too rash moving house new dryers and kitchens all cosy thousands. I am very lucky to afford to do that but as I say don’t want to be too rash. This all came about as the guy who done 1st wrap smoked some sort of roll up cigarettes and I became obsessed about any smell in house. So I worry how I can deal with this?

 

[Phil10]

So Id like to travel to America but it’s a long way from Scotland and I hate flying. I do take maybe 3/4 foreign holidays a year but by rail. I also want a bigger house but had a few offers knocked back this year. My wife and I both failed to pass driving tests in last few years too. So I sort of accept I’m not going to get everything I want? Some people accept a few holidays a year don’t want to move but I am ambitious. Me and my partner are due to get inheritance money so doing things money wise isn’t a problem. With houses often you have to sell first. I can do some nice train holidays to Europe and maybe get a nice summer house and new windows here but worry thats not enough? I have been pushing for a new house for years and couldn’t do it. Should I divert my energy elsewhere?

 

[Phillies Phan]

So Id like to travel to America but it’s a long way from Scotland and I hate flying. I do take maybe 3/4 foreign holidays a year but by rail. I also want a bigger house but had a few offers knocked back this year. My wife and I both failed to pass driving tests in last few years too. So I sort of accept I’m not going to get everything I want? Some people accept a few holidays a year don’t want to move but I am ambitious. Me and my partner are due to get inheritance money so doing things money wise isn’t a problem. With houses often you have to sell first. I can do some nice train holidays to Europe and maybe get a nice summer house and new windows here but worry thats not enough? I have been pushing for a new house for years and couldn’t do it. Should I divert my energy elsewhere?

Should you ever choose to travel to the US, I’d be glad to provide you with suggested destinations, places to avoid, etc. Even with the political nonsense, the US is a vast country with many wonderful places to go and things to do.

 

[Otherside]

So Id like to travel to America but it’s a long way from Scotland and I hate flying. I do take maybe 3/4 foreign holidays a year but by rail. I also want a bigger house but had a few offers knocked back this year. My wife and I both failed to pass driving tests in last few years too. So I sort of accept I’m not going to get everything I want? Some people accept a few holidays a year don’t want to move but I am ambitious. Me and my partner are due to get inheritance money so doing things money wise isn’t a problem. With houses often you have to sell first. I can do some nice train holidays to Europe and maybe get a nice summer house and new windows here but worry thats not enough? I have been pushing for a new house for years and couldn’t do it. Should I divert my energy elsewhere?

If you have time there is the boat from Southampton -> New York.

But it does take quite a few days to get to New York. Don't know how much it is either.

 

[Phil10]

So I stopped posting on Facebook six months ago as I never see any of these people. I had a massive wedding in 2019 over 100 guests. After Covid, my 30’s, getting married nobody checks on me or sees me. I realise it’s other people who cause my mental health issues. Anyway I try to be positive I know I need to meet new people and who have time for me. I tried taking on a new job last year but it never worked out. My wife is same she sees nobody and I feel low as I don’t see people. I think it’s for the better as I enjoy peace and quiet but would be nice to meet new people. But maybe I don’t need Facebook in a world with WhatsApp and other ways to talk. Many deactivate but keep messenger. I decided as I don’t see these people anymore I no longer want to post anything. Anybody else feel that way?
So I have a close family member and they got a new partner a couple of years ago. She took control of his affairs cancelled his phone contact and virgin media. She is very frugal. Anyway so we shared netflix and movies to help him out after his divorce but they stopped allowing netflix sharing and I'm also not keen to share if I spend lots on a movie rental or something and she pays nothing. I later found out she wants control of his mortgage and move to a new bank with her name. Anyway I feel it's time to stop sharing. I am keen to set up my own streaming things too and not use anybody's. Am I right want to stop sharing? He was made homeless after his last break up I fear same could happen again too. Makes me feel anxious and anytime I stop sharing he calls me up to say it's broke ? Money wise they both full time and can afford things

on a positive I am moving to a larger house now

 

[Phil10]

House sale fell through with a week to go. Had to unpack and rebuy all furniture I sold so I am taking earlier advice I got here to do improvements here and not sell up for now

 

[Jonathan123]

Keep away from those people who are 'vexatious to your spirit'. That is those who are critical, judgmental, argumentative and such like. They can cause real upsets in an anxious person. But it's not them that cause you pain, although it may seem so, it's the way you react to them. Words are powerful and can cause as much harm as physical blows, but to the mind. Most people can be sympathetic to our problems, but words of sympathy can't resolve our problems. Unless you have respect for those to whom you speak, keep well away. So many so called 'friends' have no understanding of anxiety and can often offer misleading advice. 'You must fight thing, it must not get the better of you' is one of the most common remarks, and is just what you should not do.
I think you are wise at the moment to stay where you are. Let things settle then make decisions. Nobody should ever make life changing decisions when under stress.

 

[Phil10]

Keep away from those people who are 'vexatious to your spirit'. That is those who are critical, judgmental, argumentative and such like. They can cause real upsets in an anxious person. But it's not them that cause you pain, although it may seem so, it's the way you react to them. Words are powerful and can cause as much harm as physical blows, but to the mind. Most people can be sympathetic to our problems, but words of sympathy can't resolve our problems. Unless you have respect for those to whom you speak, keep well away. So many so called 'friends' have no understanding of anxiety and can often offer misleading advice. 'You must fight thing, it must not get the better of you' is one of the most common remarks, and is just what you should not do.
I think you are wise at the moment to stay where you are. Let things settle then make decisions. Nobody should ever make life changing decisions when under stress.

Thanks I’m interested in what you say there. I agree I went to a gig it felt toxic last year. People who have been negative to me I tried chatting to them to be nice but they don’t see me keen to. Anyway I started a fundraiser £120 raised so far for homeless and other charities as after house fell through I wanted to be positive. Shared it on Facebook but sigh never had FB for months see lots of people raising money guess what other than my wife’s family nobody else donated. I can feel proud of myself though I gave money to a homeless guy to. I do want a quiet life now but will check in on people I text someone in family who was going through a divorce want it show a more caring side. I took 2 weeks holiday from work to get my head in order and feel better about things. And thanks true I too think I was right to stay put we have bought most of our furniture back