Hard to make choices cost of living

[Phil10]

So I had viewed a few houses earlier in year and I got the photos done to sell my house as I wanted a bigger house. I was set on one area so the agent done photos for me. Two came up for sale in that area only found out myself as I seen the board. They never let me know. I called and they said I can see one the second I can’t as I was working and they refused anymore viewings. They told me “put that one on back burner”. Surely the agent needs it bend over backwards for me potential buyer and they could get a sale via my house? I got angry gave them a bad review and said the sale if off and I won’t be selling.

So secondly I took on a second job. I hoped to make friends and hoped to get hours there and do less in my current job. Having assessed the situation I realised my current job is better so I may quit the second job.

So over all a frustrating year so far. It seems my current situation matches best. I know somethings can’t always happen I mean it’s great I got another job as last Xmas I tried and failed. But I did it for experience and maybe it’s best I move on.

I’m now considering just getting some new windows and doing improvements here rather move is this a good idea?

Can't change anything outside of ourselves! But we can change ourselves, with some effort.

I usually volunteer before a career change, to gain experience and contacts, also study. A lot of qualifications are online and affordable now too.

Good luck whatever you decide to do next.



Most of my friends are married. It's kind-of a default state in most societies for some reason.

Facebook is sometimes referred to as 'fake book'! for a reason. They use the word friend in a very loose way.

Open-minded is the key to friendship and relationships I think, listen to what people have to say, we are all so different yet so much the same!

Thanks yea I tried the job but don’t feel it’s working for me really it’s not taking up much time but do feel it’s not as good as my current job.

 

[PieFan]

I’m now considering just getting some new windows and doing improvements here rather move is this a good idea?

If I was bored and ready for a change I'd likely sell up and emigrate or go train for a new career....but if DIY/home improvement is your thing then go for it. Just enter it with an open mind: remember the slab! Things may not be up to perfectionist standards.

 

[Phil10]

If I was bored and ready for a change I'd likely sell up and emigrate or go train for a new career....but if DIY/home improvement is your thing then go for it. Just enter it with an open mind: remember the slab! Things may not be up to perfectionist standards.

Thanks.
I just feel really angry and let down with how this year has gone to be honest. I mean it’s great to be in a nice house already and a job but I realise maybe I won’t make friends maybe that second job wasn’t good and the treatment by the estate agent is a let down. I know I need to get my mind on other things just often it takes me a while to get over things. I sometimes have to go through a process of being annoyed to get to feeling better. I mean I feel I wasted my time? Why did I bother with these opportunities when nothing has changed? Perhaps I am meant to be more content and that’s the lesson.

Like I say since Covid I felt very let down by people in general. And I tried to be positive when I got the job I got lots of likes on Facebook and some people think I need to work more hours. I don’t believe I do but that’s there opinion.

The house move has been a goal for atleast 4 years. The second job has been a goal for atleast 2 years. So I mean how to I proceed from here? Having feeling so let down I need new goals. I accept things never worked out as planned but I just feel a massive disappointment. Simply as in my head I believed it would work out.

 

[PieFan]

since Covid I felt very let down by people in general.

Well it was for many of us the first unraveling of our secure and comfortable world. I went into work just as we were hearing of mass deaths in New York, and they were piling bodies in refrigeration units, the hospitals and morgues were overwhelmed. The Trump government took the initial position of 'it's a hoax' so we were behind on things, but a million or more people died unnecessarily on his watch in the world's most wealthy country and superpower. So there's a lot we cannot control. But it was the helpers', the scientists, the researchers who stepped up, and after that I vowed- I'm always going to be one of those societal servants myself in future. Out of a bad time good things can come, don't you think?

I sometimes have to go through a process of being annoyed to get to feeling better. I mean I feel I wasted my time? Why did I bother with these opportunities when nothing has changed? Perhaps I am meant to be more content and that’s the lesson.

Maybe. If you are not content with yourself, well you take yourself wherever you go.

Everyone goes through a process to adapt or change or grow @Phil10 It would be great if we woke up one morning enlightened, but that does not seem the way it works. And even being being dramatically struck down on the road to Damascus- it's a great metaphor and story, but also, not common.

If we want to change we have to do the work for ourself.

The first step is deciding what work to do first or next.

 

[Cuchculan]

Lots of likes on FB means nothing at all in the real world. If you count the amount of people you are friends with and subtract the number of likes you get on any post, you end you with the number of people who don't care. Meaning having 70 friends and getting 20 likes, means 50 people don't care. It is only a virtual world. If likes mean that much to you, there is an issue there too. The real world should count more. We are not in any contest. Not us versus other people. They do one thing and we have to try and do one better. If you ever start thinking that way, that will be another issue. Maybe, just maybe, you are trying too hard to make new friends. People can tell these sorts of things. They begin to back away. Just get on with life as per normal. The whole friend thing will happen by itself. Don't go around asking people are they on social media. Some people like to keep that side of things private. So some might not know you well enough to want you as a friend on social media.

 

[Phil10]

So in the end I left the second job and also I failed to get offer accepted on other house. I feel quite disappointed but not surprised. These things have never been easy and I have viewed 4 homes this year so I am on a break now. Same with jobs I got offered a job interview this Friday but I won’t be doing it. I liked the second job less so I don’t think it’s a great idea. I don’t use social media much but you’re right maybe not everybody wants to be friends. I may just have to relax and try and enjoy what’s available today and the gigs and holidays I do. My wife failed to pass her driving test last year. I am ambitious but I have found things not very easy.

 

[Phil10]

I have some regret that I left the job but i done this ten years ago whilst in my main job. Took a second job on left after a few shifts. So it seems my situation remains same. Atleast i never put the for sale sign up or left my main job? I see it as a positive I tried this stuff but realised this wasn’t for me or the move.

 

[PieFan]

My wife failed to pass her driving test last year.

Are you teaching her?

 

[Phil10]

Are you teaching her?

No she had a driving instructor last year

 

[Phil10]

I want to add the seller wouldn't even take £23 thousand over asking price and a bridging loan to become a cash buyer. Second one was a divorce so wanted the house sold so it was sold that after I viewed. Sometimes money can be thrown at these things. This year I had a seller willing to sell to me but i never went ahead that time. So in the end no friend opportunities no financial reason to go back to the second job very disappointing. Can’t believe some people wont take crazy offers i mean i doubt that house will sell anywhere near that. The agent blames the new government meaning the market is competitive again.

 

[Cuchculan]

Probably holding out for an even bigger idiot to offer them even more money for their house.

 

[Phil10]

Still having issues this time iPads. I got an iPad pro £1 thousand and after my phone was stolen I became worried I can't afford to replace it if that was stolen too. So I got a second ipad only to decide I don't want all that tech junk lying around. So I sold my Pro and my other one to family and got another £300 iPad. Good news I won't worry about cost but keep changing my mind. And don't like too much tech lying around. Keep buying selling again.

 

[Cuchculan]

Some people simply buy things for the sake of buying anything. That is you. I am sure you have bought other things that you did not need. Is all about buying. Then you look at what you bought and wonder why you bought it? 2 iPads? No real need for 2 of them. But you had to spend money on something. Bit like wanting to buy a house. More the urge to spend money on the house. No the need for a new house. It can be another form of OCD.

 

[Phil10]

Some people simply buy things for the sake of buying anything. That is you. I am sure you have bought other things that you did not need. Is all about buying. Then you look at what you bought and wonder why you bought it? 2 iPads? No real need for 2 of them. But you had to spend money on something. Bit like wanting to buy a house. More the urge to spend money on the house. No the need for a new house. It can be another form of OCD.

Yes possibly.

The phone being stolen set all this off but it’s a similar pattern. I was buying paysafe cards to gamble now i am spending thousands on Apple vouchers for Apple items. I sell an iPad pro and buy another. The changing mind ocd. I think family find it hard as i keep buying and selling ipads. My head says “take a cheap one incase it’s stolen” then i think “cheap one will go out of date quicker” kept my last Pro 6 years. Then I said if i kept two I would have apps ect on too many ipads. So I could never win. I previously had this issue had two phones couldn’t justify it so I went with one ipod, ipad and a phone. That was fine. But at work i was forced to keep phone in locker so I decided i needed a spare £50 android phone. So a similar issue more phones needed. Same pattern as the gambling where i spend money I dont have. I am fully excluded from gambling but seems my issues remain. I get neck strain sometimes moves around to the jaw. If i forget it goes away. Or sometimes work flares it up. I did do another session of counselling a few weeks back to discuss the aches, the house selling, job changing..it did help but i still keep changing my mind.

 

[PieFan]

I was buying paysafe cards to gamble now i am spending thousands on Apple vouchers for Apple items.

Then you still have A GAMBLING PROBLEM. Where can you get local help for that?

I could never win.

Of course not. That's why gambling is an addiction. If you could win at the process you would have disappeared happy before now.

Anything which hooks you in to a set of dysfunctional patterns or rituals should set off alarm bells. Commit to your counselor. Find a support group.

 

[Phil10]

Some people simply buy things for the sake of buying anything. That is you. I am sure you have bought other things that you did not need. Is all about buying. Then you look at what you bought and wonder why you bought it? 2 iPads? No real need for 2 of them. But you had to spend money on something. Bit like wanting to buy a house. More the urge to spend money on the house. No the need for a new house. It can be another form of OCD.

I remember a while back you said if i keep ordering or cancelling refunding trains they could stop me ordering. So I cancelled a few iPads from Apple I kept 3 orders and Apple cancelled them? I’m worried I can’t order on Apple again and if have to use all that iTunes on more music ect? I added credit to get a new phone and iPad. Kept changing between cheaper iPad and pro.

I’ve been in a pickle I even ordered one from Argos and was worried it was a refurb so want to sell that. Problem is this is wasting all my money?

My neck strain gets worse if I stress. Since the phone was stolen I’ve been anxious about all this? I know I need to stop trying to sell my house/buy houses sell iPads cancel trains and I did explain this to a therapist but never got any solutions. I am also obsessed with the aches which moves around my jaw to bottom of neck. A few weeks ago pain went away for a few days at weekend.

I know I need to change this behaviour ordering and cancelling. It does resemble some of the gambling urges and ocd.

 

[PieFan]

I did explain this to a therapist but never got any solutions.

How many sessions have you been to? Therapy takes time, and you are the one who comes up with the solutions as your thinking changes.
What does your wife think about all this?

 

[Phil10]

How many sessions have you been to? Therapy takes time, and you are the one who comes up with the solutions as your thinking changes.
What does your wife think about all this?

Ive had two this year but it’s more like counselling talk through my feelings. Yes mu wife gets stressed about it and i even had my parents selling my iPads nobody really understands.

 

[PieFan]

Ive had two this year but it’s more like counselling talk through my feelings. Yes mu wife gets stressed about it and i even had my parents selling my iPads nobody really understands.

Instead of spending money on meaningless possessions which give you stress, buy your wife a big bunch of flowers, and commit to spending more money on therapy and investing in yourself and your family?

All our actions come from our feelings one way or another, and counselling gives insight so we can change behavior and deal with our feelings appropriately.

As you have found there are no short-cuts to happiness, though we almost all dabble in gambling, addictive substances, habits, obsessions or distractions like shopping from time to time to see if there are!

 

[peronny676]

None of the whole house washing and job changing scenarios worked out and now even the tech thing don’t seem to stick. Perhaps, focusing on housing renovations as opposed to the actual moving could be a solution. You definitely seems to work with much pressure and frustration. The following questions might also interest you: have you thought about continuing with therapy? Or coming up with other ways to deal with stress? Perhaps, it is time for you and your family to rather invest in yourselves instead of hunting for new possessions.