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Hard to make choices cost of living

Phil10

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Since the cost of living crisis I can’t make a choice. I keep cancelling holidays reducing the days. I do some work to my house thankfully some gets done other times I cancel. Often every week I have a stack of refunds going in as I keep changing my mind. Mostly feel guilty about money or I just change my mind on the colour of item. I feel the anxiety has taken over. An example is I messaged an eBay seller or cancel then said keep it then cancel. Anybody else had this issue? How can I better manage it? I am anxious anxious about the speed prices are rising and doubling
 

Cuchculan

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This is something that is happening across the world. Ask yourself do you really need what you are buying on Ebay? Is it something really important? I find, even before the whole cost of living thing, that people can buy things they don't really need. Buying for the sake of buying. Something I am just as guilty as others at doing. Have you got other things the money could be better spent on? Once you are not avoiding paying bills in order to buy something off of Ebay. In a situation like that I would always say to put the bills first. Next I would be thinking of food items you might need. You can work out how much money you will need a month. To meet the price of bills and food shopping. Then work out what you have over. Something we all have to do for now. Can you afford a holiday right now? Few questions just to ask yourself. I put a small amount of cash to one side each week. So when bills start coming in, that money is there. I can almost work out how much I will need.
 

Phil10

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Well I have got savings but nobody wants to have to live on savings. So bad news is my mortgage 5 year deal ended and I had to pay more this year and my partner is away on a family holiday this autumn so money is more tight. You’re right I do cut back on good often eat cheap food sometimes or limit what I buy I have not had a supermarket delivery in a few months. We also got hit by a few big bills so it’s been hard. I’m sure next year when another pay rise comes it will help as I have a new fixed mortgage. But I have been very impulsive at one point before the mortgage rise I almost sold my house and bought a bigger one good job i never as this was just before the big interest rate hikes. I seem to want to push myself to the max money wise. I do feel im improving by buying cheaper stuff. I can reduce my holidays a bit but it’s hard to accept. I went about six months without going abroad.
 

Cuchculan

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I couldn't afford to go on holiday. Wouldn't have the money to meet bills and holiday. A holiday is something we give ourselves. In a few years time things will calm down again. Prices will steady out. Maybe then holidays will become affordable once more. And both can be done together. Pay the bills and have a holiday. Have to live within your means. I would say to eat as you always have done. Knock the holidays on the head. Need to stay healthy. Food keeps us that way. All about balancing the books out. Cutting out what we don't need.
 

PieFan

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I do feel im improving by buying cheaper stuff. I can reduce my holidays a bit but it’s hard to accept. I went about six months without going abroad.
Do you need to buy anything?
I haven't been on vacation in years, I used to go down to the coast for a night every couple of years but when everything went up in price and diseases like monkeypox plus bedbug infestations happened I stopped that too.

Need to stay healthy. Food keeps us that way.
Yes, I would rather eat good food, plus afford my diabetes medication and blood tests. And I have a little dog, I guess technically she's an unnecessary expense but the joy and companionship she has brought are worth it, she's another kind of essential medicine! I groom her myself and sometimes bake her dog biscuits and she shares my food when it's appropriate.

I've traveled lots in the past and have lots of lovely memories. 'I am a part of all that I have met, and all experience is an arch wherethro' gleams that untravelled world whose margins change forever and forever when we move...' (Tennyson, Ulysses)

We don't need to go anywhere to have travel experiences: I look for interesting things I can do online, with Coursera, EdX and UoPeople for example there's tons of free or cheap courses.

When I'm working different places I drive back through historical areas, such as https://www.taminatexas.com/ last week and learn the history and see what remains.

One year I got a map of all the local parks and walked each in turn, this was before my feet got bad, now I'm thinking of doing a simplified version of that when the weather cools down.

I get books and dvds from the library and watch public broadcasting of other people's travels.

And I drum up interesting work and meet new people and have new experiences that way.

Even coming to websites like this, I read other people's ideas and look things up they talk about, recipes, gardens, writers.

There's a pool here where I live, when the children go back to school I shall go for a swim, it's not good to be in water for long with diabetic feet and mine are perfect skin right now, but I'll use some Neutrogena cream first and wear swim shoes and keep it short. That's quite enough adventuring for me these days! Looking forward to that immensely.

I planted some sunflower seeds and they are growing well, so is a green onion (spring onion) where I cut off the rooted bottom bit and sprouted it in water. Sometimes I plant cloves of garlic or lumps of ginger if they sprout or bud. I saw some youtube videos on how to grow hydroponic napa cabbages, onions etc., I'll try that some time.

There's a website called meet-up and I do different groups there, now that is not free with the cost of food and coffee, so I plan it out when I can afford it. Another website called Social Nature you apply to get free product vouchers for new products to try in exchange for a review later, I've had loads of good food from there and learned a lot about the food industry and how to read the labels and see past the advertising.

In terms of managing anxiety disorder the more positive interesting activities the better I am, and my current activities are close to home and safe and easy to manage my diet and diabetes, travelling brings its own set of anxieties, all the people disrupted and threatened by fires and floods this year for example.
 

MATD

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I think a lot of what you are experiencing is doubt, which is very common for anxiety. We can’t seem to make up our mind about things. I go thru this self doubt myself. I’ve found that if I push thru with a decision and let it stand, it makes it more helpful. Life is always filled with consequences on decisions, but it’s the big issues we have to be more careful about. I tend to think things thru more when it comes to these big decisions. What are my needs and what are my wants? What can I do myself and what do I need assistance with? These are the biggest questions I ask myself when it comes to managing money. I was raised poor so it’s not really hard for me to figure out where I can save money.
 

PieFan

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I was raised poor so it’s not really hard for me to figure out where I can save money.
Someone told me 'shop where poor people shop' and there's a big Fiesta supermarket I go to sometimes, not only do they sell cheap produce, there's food from many cultures including British, there's a food truck and often live musicians, and it has a sort-of 'carnival' feel to going there. especially around the holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, where they stock the traditions for different cultures and British chocolates and Christmas cake and Christmas crackers. Way more fun than Amazon online!

Though Amazon can be fun too, my sister usually gives me gift cards for birthday and Christmas, this week I ordered a grater thing so I can make chickpea and carrot patties from Jack Monroe's website https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2013/03/06/carrot-coriander-falafels-23p/ Fresh coriander is called cilantro here and @ 35 cents a bunch!
 

MATD

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Someone told me 'shop where poor people shop' and there's a big Fiesta supermarket I go to sometimes, not only do they sell cheap produce, there's food from many cultures including British, there's a food truck and often live musicians, and it has a sort-of 'carnival' feel to going there. especially around the holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, where they stock the traditions for different cultures and British chocolates and Christmas cake and Christmas crackers. Way more fun than Amazon online!

Though Amazon can be fun too, my sister usually gives me gift cards for birthday and Christmas, this week I ordered a grater thing so I can make chickpea and carrot patties from Jack Monroe's website https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2013/03/06/carrot-coriander-falafels-23p/ Fresh coriander is called cilantro here and @ 35 cents a bunch!
My daughter made a homemade salsa using fresh cilantro. Had a totally different taste than traditional salsa but It was good! Even in this day and age, I can’t imagine ordering groceries for delivery although it was a big thing way back in the day. Milk, eggs and ice deliveries too. To call a repair man, it has to be something I can’t handle on my own. Watching my mom growing up take care of a lot of things herself was a learning experience. I count myself fortunate. I guess I could be called a jack of all trades and master of none. I know enough to get myself in trouble on occasion. That’s when I end up making the call. We were self reliant though, growing up, which is a good thing I think. I learned to take on things myself instead of throwing up my hands. Saves me some big bucks at times.
 

Phil10

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So I tried to cancel 2 trains today for my holiday. Reason is I wanted to visit somewhere new this means I may put on Facebook but I am trying to stop using Facebook. For years I put stuff up about holidays but it’s all negative news people share or people dying. How can I stop cancelling stuff? Seems the issue is getting worse and I get more anxious.
 

Cuchculan

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So you only go on a holiday to post about it on FB? OK. Why not just go on holiday and have fun and don't share any images of it on FB. Be like a challenge to yourself. To see can you do it. Even better still, go on holiday and don't check FB when on holiday.
 

Phil10

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So you only go on a holiday to post about it on FB? OK. Why not just go on holiday and have fun and don't share any images of it on FB. Be like a challenge to yourself. To see can you do it. Even better still, go on holiday and don't check FB when on holiday.
Yep that’s it. I have been guilty of just going somewhere to show off. I regret that. I made a choice go cut off the train journey to the new place to reduce temptation. Switched off messenger and told people I will use WhatsApp. I don’t want to totally shut down Facebook but it’s making me depressed but I know I have issues. I blocked news websites and that helped me a lot. Done same with gambling so I am confident I can fix this issue.
 

Cuchculan

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Lot of houses done over here in Dublin. Broke into. Why? People were posting a check in at Dublin airport. Then saying were they were heading of to. Next would come the pictures of them on holiday. That is were I say to be smart about holidays. Don't post anything when on holiday. Not saying it happens to everybody. Just this one gang who were looking for such posts. They had a lot of people viewing FB pages. Broke into a numbers of homes. Shows what can happen. I have some friends who would never post anything at all when they go on holiday. Might only post something once they are back home again.
 

Phil10

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So I work weekends. During the week this week I fell back to old routines i managed to gamble. The other week I sold my phone and almost got scammed. And this week for the second time In a year I phoned about a house and tried to sell mine only to realise the extra 70k would leave be skint for 2 years. I do get bored working weekends I am finding I always create a drama during the week. I have a very creative imagination maybe due to anxiety? How can I better handle this to have more weeks of calm?
 

Sloth54

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You could get involved in other activities during the week such as helping other people through volunteering., take a class to learn something new, like Pickleball., take up a hobby, get some exercise outside, or at a local gym, etc. There are hundreds of things you could do to occupy your time that are great ideas so that you don’t have to create drama for something to do. And you could enjoy the company of other people.
 

Cuchculan

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Gambling is a problem for you now. It became so when you gambled money you hadn't even got. Thus you owed them money. Since I've known you, your life has never changed. Is like you would love all these changes to happen, but you don't actually want to do anything to make these changes happen. So nothing will change until get out there and do something to make changes happen. Some good suggestions above. Thought knowing you, you will ignore what was suggested. Or have some excuse as to why you can't do anything that was mentioned. Meaning your life will stay the exact same.
 

Phil10

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Gambling is a problem for you now. It became so when you gambled money you hadn't even got. Thus you owed them money. Since I've known you, your life has never changed. Is like you would love all these changes to happen, but you don't actually want to do anything to make these changes happen. So nothing will change until get out there and do something to make changes happen. Some good suggestions above. Thought knowing you, you will ignore what was suggested. Or have some excuse as to why you can't do anything that was mentioned. Meaning your life will stay the exact same.
I completely self excluded all my accounts so can never play mine. Sadly it’s been my wife’s card she’s left out that I got on. I was gambling daily then I cut to having the urge once a month. Then six months free and this year I’ve had the urge maybe 3 times. I’ve made good progress. Also I do make many changes anything I moan about e.g news I blocked on my phone. I’ve still not fully cut out social media. If it comes to it I would fully exclude my wife’s gambling but it’s kind of her choice and she doesn’t want to right now.
 

Cuchculan

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I completely self excluded all my accounts so can never play mine. Sadly it’s been my wife’s card she’s left out that I got on. I was gambling daily then I cut to having the urge once a month. Then six months free and this year I’ve had the urge maybe 3 times. I’ve made good progress. Also I do make many changes anything I moan about e.g news I blocked on my phone. I’ve still not fully cut out social media. If it comes to it I would fully exclude my wife’s gambling but it’s kind of her choice and she doesn’t want to right now.
But most of the things that were a problem for you going back in time are still a problem for you today. You used to go to football matches? That would be doing something else. Getting rid of some toxic people from FB would be another change. Telling your wife that gambling can become a problem for you if you see her do it, that would be another change. She stops and you stop. Work together. Find other things to fill your spare time with.
 

Phil10

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But most of the things that were a problem for you going back in time are still a problem for you today. You used to go to football matches? That would be doing something else. Getting rid of some toxic people from FB would be another change. Telling your wife that gambling can become a problem for you if you see her do it, that would be another change. She stops and you stop. Work together. Find other things to fill your spare time with.
I have an update sadly today I wasted £120 pounds but my wife signed up to the exclusion programme I’m on. So it means if I try her card or any new sites I’m blocked. I do try my mums but I have never put cash in hers. I’m hoping she can leave her cards out now and I won’t play. All her sites appear to be closed down now for a minimum of 5 years. I gambled 5 times in past week I know i can’t keep wasting I hope this means I can have a better future free of gambling.
 

Cuchculan

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So you try your wife's card and you try your mum's card? That means addiction to gambling. Only reason you are stopping is because your wife's card is blocked on the sites. With your mum's card it wouldn't let you use it. If it had of you would have still gambled. Lost a lot more money. It is something you need help for. Because the first chance you get to gamble again, you will take it. So get help for the gambling.

Phil, I once had a friend who was addicted to break fluid. But he reckoned he stop any time he wanted to. :p
 
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