Giving This A Try

[ButterflyFret]

Hello Everyone,

I want to apologize immediately for this post taking you on a roller coaster. I have so many scatter-brained thoughts and this will most likely bounce back and forth, but I'm going to do my absolute best to make it understandable. Thank you to those who make it to the end.

I've been dealing with crippling anxiety for about 10 years now. I had my very first panic attack after being in a car accident with my boyfriend. No major injuries and no other vehicles involved thankfully, but something about it must've traumatized me to my core and to this day I'm not 100% why. I was 16 at the time and now I'm 26 and 10 years later anxiety is running my life. I feel like I've tried just about every anxiety treatment/coping mechanism to no avail. I took Zoloft for about 3 years the first go around - it helped with the panic attacks, yes, but I didn't realize until year 3 hit that I hadn't smiled or laughed in literal years. It zombified me and my now ex-husband never said a damn thing because he didn't want to deal with my panic attacks (understandable because they seem ridiculous to somebody who's been fortunate to never experience one). So after that realization I stopped the Zoloft and went back to trying to cope with the anxiety naturally using breathing techniques, distractions etc. Which did seem to work for a good 6 months. Then my anxiety decided it wanted to come back much worse and start producing real physical symptoms.

At 16 when my panic attacks first started, they would hit me extremely fast and be super intense (example: I was laying on the couch at my mom's house and then out of nowhere it felt like my throat closed up and I couldn't breathe. I didn't have a single anxious thought or worry leading up to it. Thankfully my mom has personal experience with anxiety attacks, and she helped calmed me down initially and told me if I still wanted to go the ER, we could so I could walk-through a process that I had no idea would be a very common event for me in the future. At that time, I told her no and the rest of the night was totally fine.) My panic attacks would only occur about once or twice a month, but they'd be very intense and last 10-20 minutes, so I never felt the need to seek any type of treatment since they didn't occur very often. About 2 years of that went by and I found out I was pregnant at 18, and the anxiety/panic attacks actually went away for my entire pregnancy. I ended up getting married to my daughter's father (worst mistake I've ever made) before she was born, and he joined the military shortly after. I had my daughter when I was 19 and my then husband was at a military training and missed our daughters birth and didn't end up meeting her until she was 4 months old. My daughter and I moved across the country to be with my then husband and I left my family behind. Que mass anxiety. My anxiety attacks were so awful I would sit in silence and massive panic for hours on end. My then husband was never supportive and would actually become annoyed and angry when I would verbalize I was having a panic attack. It got to the point where he said if I didn't seek medication he would divorce me. So I went to the doctor and was prescribed Zoloft. Then like I said previously I was on it for 3 years and my then husband never complained cause I had zero emotion so I didn't have any "issues" anymore. We had another daughter during those 3 years and being a mother has been the most rewarding and wonderful journey of my life.

After getting off of the Zoloft and trying to cope naturally with the anxiety with breathing techniques, counseling, etc my anxiety became even worse and started creating real physical symptoms. It started out with tingling and numbness that would then induce panic. Which then eventually graduated to heart palpitations. Then to tightness in my chest. Then the worst panic I had ever had at the time which consisted of severe chest pain, shortness of breath, sweating but freezing, I couldn't speak...I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER and of course they did an EKG, did blood tests, went as far as doing a chest x-ray, ordered an MRI and strapped me with a heart monitor for 72 hours. After everything the doctor confidently reassured me that I indeed did have a panic attack and my heart was in fact very healthy as well as my entire physical health. Of course, medication and counseling were recommended.

Basically fast forward to now. I got divorced from an abusive man, moved back across the country with my 2 daughters, rekindled the flame with the man I got into the car accident with, we bought a house and we now have a son who is 2 months old. I am very happy with my life now, yet this anxiety is still running my life. I have back to back panic attacks at work, home, the store. It doesn't matter where I'm at or who I'm with I'm in a state of panic all day every day with back to back anxiety attacks. I just recently met with my doctor and I expressed that I was highly considering quitting my job due to my anxiety because I can't effectively do my job. (I'm a receptionist and I have to answers phones, deal with clients face to face and I freeze, can't speak straight and spiral in these situations and it's getting increasingly worse.) My doctor has now prescribed me with Lexapro since I hated the way Zoloft made me feel. My anxiety is through the roof about trying it since my doctor said there's a little research about its effect while I'm breastfeeding my son so I don't think I'm going to even risk it. I mentioned possibly going onto disability but my doctor said I don't physically look like I need to be on disability so he doesn't feel its necessary.

I've never tried one of these forums before so I'm looking forward to sharing my experience with others who can relate. It is comforting knowing I'm not the only person going through this, but I wish none of us had to because it really sucks. If anyone has any helpful coping techniques, please share because I'm willing to try anything. I really hope there's a day where the anxiety goes away or I can get it under control for good.

 

[Jonathan123]

Hi and Welcome. This is an amazing site because we all know what you are going through and we have all been there or are still there. What you describe is GAD, General Anxiety Disorder. Now as to the cause in an individuals case that is something good counselling can resolve, so we can only speak objectively from our own experiences.
These sudden panic attacks can come upon us with no warning and for no apparent reason we can see at the time, but something can 'trigger' an attack without us realising what. That is the frustrating part of anxiety. A sound, a smell or a sight that would seem 'normal' to someone else can cause an anxiety sufferer a lot of anguish.
Panic attacks! First of all can I suggest a book from Amazon by Dr. Claire Weekes called 'Essential help for your Nerves' She teaches a process known as acceptance and you will find detailed exercises in her book.
Panic can occur anywhere and at any time when we least expect it, and the secret lies in not adding more fear to the panic. No 'OMG's' and what ifs. 'Everyone is looking at me'. No they are not, you just think they are. So when you panic you may run back to your safety zone, maybe your car, and gradually the panic subsides. But what is the difference between you in the store and you in the car? Fear! There is no fear in the car because no one is looking at you, or so you think. In my many years talking to anxiety sufferers I have never heard of anyone collapsing with a panic attack. When you feel panic coming, stop, hold your ground and try not add fear to fear by all the 'what ifs'. Let it sweep over you without comment or any reaction. Sounds easy? No it's not, but it can be done with practise. Panic will always pass and even more quickly if we don't react. Adrenaline, the fear hormone, has a limited life and will always subside after a while. Acceptance takes time and patience, but I have seen it work so often given time. Panic is the body reacting to apparent danger and is preparing you for fight or flight, as with our ancient ancestors.There is nothing in your post that leads me to believe you can't recover given the will. Eventually you may still panic but it won't matter because you will know how to handle it.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

 

[ButterflyFret]

Hi and Welcome. This is an amazing site because we all know what you are going through and we have all been there or are still there. What you describe is GAD, General Anxiety Disorder. Now as to the cause in an individuals case that is something good counselling can resolve, so we can only speak objectively from our own experiences.
These sudden panic attacks can come upon us with no warning and for no apparent reason we can see at the time, but something can 'trigger' an attack without us realising what. That is the frustrating part of anxiety. A sound, a smell or a sight that would seem 'normal' to someone else can cause an anxiety sufferer a lot of anguish.
Panic attacks! First of all can I suggest a book from Amazon by Dr. Claire Weekes called 'Essential help for your Nerves' She teaches a process known as acceptance and you will find detailed exercises in her book.
Panic can occur anywhere and at any time when we least expect it, and the secret lies in not adding more fear to the panic. No 'OMG's' and what ifs. 'Everyone is looking at me'. No they are not, you just think they are. So when you panic you may run back to your safety zone, maybe your car, and gradually the panic subsides. But what is the difference between you in the store and you in the car? Fear! There is no fear in the car because no one is looking at you, or so you think. In my many years talking to anxiety sufferers I have never heard of anyone collapsing with a panic attack. When you feel panic coming, stop, hold your ground and try not add fear to fear by all the 'what ifs'. Let it sweep over you without comment or any reaction. Sounds easy? No it's not, but it can be done with practise. Panic will always pass and even more quickly if we don't react. Adrenaline, the fear hormone, has a limited life and will always subside after a while. Acceptance takes time and patience, but I have seen it work so often given time. Panic is the body reacting to apparent danger and is preparing you for fight or flight, as with our ancient ancestors.There is nothing in your post that leads me to believe you can't recover given the will. Eventually you may still panic but it won't matter because you will know how to handle it.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

Thank you, I really appreciate your response. I get to a point where my panic attacks are under control and I can get through them with ease, but then my brain will create a new physical symptom which will throw me into the panic again. I think the scariest one I've ever had was facial paralysis on one side and a horrible migraine. It happened at work and I was genuinely thinking I was having a stroke. I went to the ER and they also believed I was presenting with stroke symptoms and emitted me immediately. I talked to a specialist and after a couple of hours the facial paralysis stopped and the pain meds they gave me greatly decreased the migraine. I had a brain MRI done and they found nothing. In the end, they highly recommended I look into medication for my anxiety because of how severe the symptoms of my panic attacks are. This is where its frustrating for me. I have super high health anxiety. I'm always worried about having a heart attack. I have a shoulder injury that requires surgery to hopefully help fix but its not guaranteed. Whenever my shoulder pain flares up it spreads towards the area of my heart and immediately sends me spiraling in panic. I KNOW its not a heart attack but I can't stop the spiral.