Hi! I'm 19 and have extremely severe social anxiety so I've never felt comfortable posting anything on ANY social media or forum before. I'm sorry for so much text but I just need to know that someone else understands and vent.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety, general anxiety and depression when I was 11 so I can't really say I can remember a time when my mental health has been good. The worst thing is that I have panic attacks at least 3-4 times a day (best it's been in my life) and been on tons of different medications but nothing seems to help. I barely graduated high school because I couldn't force myself out of bed most days and face all the anxiety there. The only reason I did was amazing teachers that genuinely cared about me.
A few months ago I had to quit my job as a cashier at a truck stop because the entire eight hour shift was panic attack after panic attack with high anxiety in-between (and we didn't get breaks among other things). I thought my anxiety would eventually get better there with time but I gave up after eight months when it didn't. It got to the point where I would think to myself that I would rather die then go to work. I managed to save up a good chunk of money because all I would do was work and watch TV because I was too mentally exhausted for anything else. About half the money is gone now due to an ER visit when I broke my ankle so I know I'm going to have to get another job soon.
The mental health care in my area is honestly terrible and I can't stand the thought of spending $200+ on a psychiatrist visit just to be given the same medications and not listened to. Until recently, I thought that being depressed and anxious was my fault because that's the impression I got from the adults as a little kid. I've never felt like I've had a health care professional actually care what I had to say and believe my symptoms. I always feel like they just wait for me to finish talking (sometimes not even that) and then say "yes it says depression in your file so let's try another antidepressant".
While I still had a job, I started to think that it wasn't my fault so I decided that I was going to take control of my mental health and fix my brain chemistry. I got prescribed an antidepressant, mood stabilizer, and an anxiety medication to take when needed. The anxiety medication only amplified my anxiety attacks because I would get stuck in my head when I took it. After a month I went back saying that my depression wasn't any better and asked for a different anxiety medication, but came out with my prescription for both doubled. Another month went by and the larger dose of medication would make my anxiety attacks even worse plus now I would throw up. I went back a couple more times over about 6 months and all the doctor would do was split/give larger doses of the same meds when I asked her multiple times to try different ones.
At this point I just feel debilitated and left wondering if I can be happy when everything makes me nervous. I can't remember ever NOT being extremely overwhelmed. Things have never been better for me but they can get better, right?
Thanks for reading if you got this far and I'm sorry if I'm just being a cry baby, I just needed someone to hear how I feel and I don't want to worry the people in my life.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety, general anxiety and depression when I was 11 so I can't really say I can remember a time when my mental health has been good. The worst thing is that I have panic attacks at least 3-4 times a day (best it's been in my life) and been on tons of different medications but nothing seems to help. I barely graduated high school because I couldn't force myself out of bed most days and face all the anxiety there. The only reason I did was amazing teachers that genuinely cared about me.
A few months ago I had to quit my job as a cashier at a truck stop because the entire eight hour shift was panic attack after panic attack with high anxiety in-between (and we didn't get breaks among other things). I thought my anxiety would eventually get better there with time but I gave up after eight months when it didn't. It got to the point where I would think to myself that I would rather die then go to work. I managed to save up a good chunk of money because all I would do was work and watch TV because I was too mentally exhausted for anything else. About half the money is gone now due to an ER visit when I broke my ankle so I know I'm going to have to get another job soon.
The mental health care in my area is honestly terrible and I can't stand the thought of spending $200+ on a psychiatrist visit just to be given the same medications and not listened to. Until recently, I thought that being depressed and anxious was my fault because that's the impression I got from the adults as a little kid. I've never felt like I've had a health care professional actually care what I had to say and believe my symptoms. I always feel like they just wait for me to finish talking (sometimes not even that) and then say "yes it says depression in your file so let's try another antidepressant".
While I still had a job, I started to think that it wasn't my fault so I decided that I was going to take control of my mental health and fix my brain chemistry. I got prescribed an antidepressant, mood stabilizer, and an anxiety medication to take when needed. The anxiety medication only amplified my anxiety attacks because I would get stuck in my head when I took it. After a month I went back saying that my depression wasn't any better and asked for a different anxiety medication, but came out with my prescription for both doubled. Another month went by and the larger dose of medication would make my anxiety attacks even worse plus now I would throw up. I went back a couple more times over about 6 months and all the doctor would do was split/give larger doses of the same meds when I asked her multiple times to try different ones.
At this point I just feel debilitated and left wondering if I can be happy when everything makes me nervous. I can't remember ever NOT being extremely overwhelmed. Things have never been better for me but they can get better, right?
Thanks for reading if you got this far and I'm sorry if I'm just being a cry baby, I just needed someone to hear how I feel and I don't want to worry the people in my life.
