First time poster, long time anxious.

[k07101120]

Hello everyone! I am new to this group, my name is Kim. I have had anxiety in the past when I was in high school, but this round of anxiety is 100 times worse than any anxiety that I have ever felt before. For the past two weeks, I have been panicked, stressed, anxious, worried, sick, not eating, not sleeping, etc. I hate it, its the most terrible feeling in the whole entire world. I am so tired of feeling this way. I started taking Lexapro about 1 week ago, and I started taking Buspar three days ago to hopefully help me feel normal again. The first week I was having anxiety I had a horrible debilitating panic attack, and I screamed at my husband to take me to the emergency room because I was sure that I was going to die. I have never done that before or felt so out of control and helpless before, it was terrifying. The week following, I was agoraphobic and I wouldn't even leave my bedroom except to use the bathroom, and I had to force myself to do that even. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I just laid in my bed with my muscles burning, tense from anxiety. I stopped talking to my family, I called into work twice, and I just became a hermit. My husband made me go out of the house and go to a neighboring town that weekend, and the whole car ride I was a mess. I was just a ball of pain and anxiety the whole ride up and back. While we were out of town, I felt a little better, but still not like myself fully. Since that point, I have had a lot of ups and downs and right now I feel like I am in a down part. I have family in town who I love and don't get to see often, and I really want to go see them but I am scared to have them see me like this. I am a wreck. I'm so embarrassed that I am in such a horrible mental state, and I don't want to ruin their image of me.
My husband is growing tired of my anxiety. He tries to be supportive and sweet, but I think he is at his wits end with me and I hate feeling like I am a burden on him. I love him so much and I hate to make him go through this with me. He told me yesterday that I have been ignoring him for the last two weeks and I didn't even realize it. He said he feels like I am not caring about him anymore, which couldn't be further from the truth. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't know how I can end my anxiety and cope with life again.
Sorry for the long post, I just had a lot I needed to get off my chest.

 

[Cuchculan]

Not sure if you are seen a therapist? That can be one of the biggest steps people like us can take. I say ' like us ' before I once stayed indoors for 10 years. I kid you not. Most of that time was spent in my bedroom. I used to look out the window and watch life go by. I wanted to be part of it. You know how it is with anxiety. Wanting something and having it can be two different things. The next part might sound a bit strange. But I simply got fed up sitting in the house. I wanted out. Here is were things have to be done the right way. Don't run before you can walk. It is all about baby steps. You set yourself little goals. Now you might fail the first few times. Don't let that stop you.

If I was to look at anything your wrote, the part that jumps out is you in your bedroom. My first goal was to feel safe in my own house. Not just my bedroom. You have a caring husband. Is hard for him to understand what is going on. Unless you our shoes you will never fully grasp what it is like to live with anxiety. So try and come out of your bedroom for a start and talk more to your husband. Make that your very first goal.

From there you can maybe just head out to the garden. Not sure if you have a front and back garden, like we do here in Ireland. When you go out to the garden you will be hit with something like a wave of emotions. Something you will want to run away from. Fight or flight? Is a common term with anxiety sufferers. Do we run or do we stay and fight? What is the worst thing that could happen to you in your garden? It is not like there will be a thousand other people there. The house is right beside you. I would continue to do this until I felt comfortable. May take a week. May take a month. Hence the term ' baby steps '. Small things at a time.

You just keep expanding things in a small way. Short walk along the road you live on. That fight or flight will hit you again. Will hit you each time you try something new. Stay within range of your house. And reward yourself for each thing you manage to do. Be it something you like to eat or whatever. Your way of saying well done to yourself. It can be a slow process. Can take time. Lot of hard work. Few setbacks along the way. But each time we have to pick ourselves back up and get going again. The end result is always worth it. You landed were you are today because of a few ups and downs in life. But always remember ' there is always a way back '.

 

[redmanlcs]

I too have been a hermit. Trapped in my own personal space. Its our comfort zone. Anxiety is most dormant when we are alone, at least for me. I feel my wife also was at her wits end with me. I would pace the floors for no reason and this would stress her out. She would ask me what I was waiting for. I would tell her nothing, I just can't sit still. I sweated, heart raced, I would get flush, for no reason at all. I invite you to read my post...My personal story and finally some help.. Its not much but some meds made me better.