Feeling real anxiety about never having children

[LCB_84]

Hello, I feel very worried and ashamedly envious right now. My brother and all cousins have children except me. There's 7 of us including myself. Now that my cousin is pregnant, I am the ONLY one without children. I was told this today over the phone by my aunt.

I have no children, I just turned 36, so I'm thinking about my bloodline not being continued. I realize I do actually care what people think of me having no children... I truly feel jealous of my cousins happy news. So lame. Jealousy/envy are not my usual moods.

I'm terribly confused right now... I'm feeling sad too. I don't even think about children! It hasn't been a problem for me to be childfree. Except once at 24 I wanted a baby, when I was deeply depressed, desperate for a relationship, and believed I needed "someone to love me." The thing with marriage is, you can usually get married at any age.... it's not the same with kids. I'm a full-time live in carer for my mother, single currently, never been married. Thanks so much

 

[Aries]

I' a guy so in theory I can still have kids, but I'm really too old. And since I'm a non dating MGTOW it's impossible. I took care of my father for the last 10 years of his life and when he was gone I tried, but I wasn't meant to have a normal human life. At least you have other family. I only have one cousin left and I haven't seen him in 10 years. I have always been bummed that he never invited me to come see him on holidays. But I never really knew him well.

 

[LCB_84]

I' a guy so in theory I can still have kids, but I'm really too old. And since I'm a non dating MGTOW it's impossible. I took care of my father for the last 10 years of his life and when he was gone I tried, but I wasn't meant to have a normal human life. At least you have other family. I only have one cousin left and I haven't seen him in 10 years. I have always been bummed that he never invited me to come see him on holidays. But I never really knew him well.

When you mention a normal life, I'm reminded of society's suffocating expectations. I've come to believe that being normal is about conforming to peer pressure, and what others think. The human life is about survival and being true to yourself, and you come across as strong and independent.

I'm sorry for the loss of your father, and the distance between you and your cousin. I lost my dad last year. I only spoke to that cousin because my family came together because an aunt died. We get along, but we get together when something tragic happens.

Thanks for helping me to remember that conformity is a waste of time!