Family member's diagnosis

[bin_tenn]

Good evening! I'll try to keep this relatively short, but I can't make any promises.

Some of you may know that my dad passed away in 2014 from esophageal cancer. While it was rough for a while, things finally smoothed out. Going through it in that moment was not nearly as intense as one would expect it to be, at least not what those of us with anxiety would imagine.

Anyhow, mom got remarried a handful of years ago (2017 or 2018 I think). He's alright. Not necessarily my favorite person for some reasons, but I can at least say that he really loves mom and really shows it. Very handy around the house, fixes the cars, etc. Good guy overall.

He was confirmed today to have cancer. The discovery started a couple weeks ago, but symptoms had been around for a while. But, like my dad, he's stubborn and never went to the doctor. If I had the symptoms he started having often, I would've been in a doc office so quickly. Haha. But to each their own.

He had gone to the ER a couple weeks ago, and subsequent testing found lesions on his liver. More testing suggested that they were likely metastatic rather than primary lesions, though there was still a possibility that they were benign (e.g. cysts). So he saw a different doctor today - a gastroenterologist, I believe - whose testing confirmed colon cancer.

I generally wouldn't think too terribly of colon cancer from the jump, but my concern at this point is that it's possibly far too late to effectively treat it (re: the liver metastasis). I'm no doctor and I accept that I'm merely making assumptions and speculating, but I'm also trying to be realistic. At the end of the day, it is what it is, and I (we) just have to accept it.

This sucks. I hate it for him, of course, but I also hate it for my mom. If things go the worst route, that will make twice that she's experienced such a situation with someone so close to her. Mom already suffers from depression and has had a major cardiac event in 2016. I worry a bit for her health due to the stress of this.

That's basically it in a nutshell. It's rather reminiscent of my dad's short (about a year and a half) cancer battle. The worst part for me, which I've been able to manage well so far, is the fact that some of those feelings from dad's passing come back now and then. But it'll be okay, I'll be just fine.

Thanks for reading. I hope you're doing well.

 

[Fraser]

Thanks for sharing. I am sorry for what you and your family are going through. Of course, you know, as we all do, that we will get old (if we are lucky) and die (inevitably), and that life is largely about how we live in the present. That said, it is easy to be philosophical when not faced with the immediate potential of death. But I do think coming to terms to health anxiety involves coming to terms with mortality, and you strike me as someone who has made significant progress with that. Be there for your mom and her partner. That is the best, and most meaningful, thing you can do.

 

[Jonathan123]

You are so right Fraser. Mortality is something that is rarely discussed in modern society. 'Now you are being morbid' they say. I believe an American President once said, 'there are only two things in life that are certain, death and taxes'.
bin-tenn's situation is one faced by so many. But these days there is always hope. The advances in medical science are astounding, especially the treatment of cancer. And it's right to say that accepting the situation is good advice, at the same time making it as easy as possible to help others. None of us knows from day to day what will happen. It's why living in the now is so important.

 

[bigjetplane23]

Binn, so sorry that you and your mother are going through this hard diagnoses right now.
I wish I had the right words to say, but unfortunately I don’t. I can just be here to hear you out and offer a shoulder. I’m so sorry. How is he feeling with his diagnosis?
It’s a bit strange that you post this, as I am having severe anxiety over my mother who has had symptoms for a couple of years of problems with the colon, maybe stomach as well, but brushes them off and this week she is having terrible symptoms and everything I Google (bad habit, i know) is not looking good and I hate it and can’t stop.

 

[Missy]

Good evening! I'll try to keep this relatively short, but I can't make any promises.

Some of you may know that my dad passed away in 2014 from esophageal cancer. While it was rough for a while, things finally smoothed out. Going through it in that moment was not nearly as intense as one would expect it to be, at least not what those of us with anxiety would imagine.

Anyhow, mom got remarried a handful of years ago (2017 or 2018 I think). He's alright. Not necessarily my favorite person for some reasons, but I can at least say that he really loves mom and really shows it. Very handy around the house, fixes the cars, etc. Good guy overall.

He was confirmed today to have cancer. The discovery started a couple weeks ago, but symptoms had been around for a while. But, like my dad, he's stubborn and never went to the doctor. If I had the symptoms he started having often, I would've been in a doc office so quickly. Haha. But to each their own.

He had gone to the ER a couple weeks ago, and subsequent testing found lesions on his liver. More testing suggested that they were likely metastatic rather than primary lesions, though there was still a possibility that they were benign (e.g. cysts). So he saw a different doctor today - a gastroenterologist, I believe - whose testing confirmed colon cancer.

I generally wouldn't think too terribly of colon cancer from the jump, but my concern at this point is that it's possibly far too late to effectively treat it (re: the liver metastasis). I'm no doctor and I accept that I'm merely making assumptions and speculating, but I'm also trying to be realistic. At the end of the day, it is what it is, and I (we) just have to accept it.

This sucks. I hate it for him, of course, but I also hate it for my mom. If things go the worst route, that will make twice that she's experienced such a situation with someone so close to her. Mom already suffers from depression and has had a major cardiac event in 2016. I worry a bit for her health due to the stress of this.

That's basically it in a nutshell. It's rather reminiscent of my dad's short (about a year and a half) cancer battle. The worst part for me, which I've been able to manage well so far, is the fact that some of those feelings from dad's passing come back now and then. But it'll be okay, I'll be just fine.

Thanks for reading. I hope you're doing well.

You are an inspiration to all!

 

[kammie72]

hugs! So sorry your family is dealing with this. What a support your mom has in you!

 

[suzzeeb]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is. My mother in law has stage 4 lung cancer and brother in law just got a liver cancer diagnosis. Life sucks sometimes. My mother in law is 80 and with the treatment she is getting has actually had her tumors shrink on her last scan and she is doing really well. I think the treatments they use can really help extend life and even quality of life, so hopefully that will be the case for your mom's husband. The only thing you can do is be there to support your mom. I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[Amw311]

I’ll be honest, when I began to read this post, I was extremely triggered because I am currently having a bad bout of HA surrounding my dad and weight loss.

But as I continued to read your words, I remembered how many times you have offered words of encouragement, solidarity, hope, and general thoughtfulness to so many of us on here. I want to thank you for that!

I’m so sorry to hear about what your family is going through. It’s so tough. Back in 2019 we watched my grandfather (technically step grandfather but the only one I’ve ever known) suffer through liver cancer that had spread. He was only 68. It was quick and extremely painful to watch him go through it all and then ultimately lose him. I honestly think I’ve subconsciously blocked a lot of that pain out and I try to not think or talk about it at all.

I’ll be keeping your family in my thoughts and sending love and light to you all. Like previous posters have mentioned, all we can do is live the in the present and make the best of where we’re at and try and be thankful for the good that we can see around us. (Though, this is easier said than done and I, myself, am truly struggling doing so at this point in time).

 

[Belizz]

Hi Bin, this is tough really. I am wishing the best luck to your family.
Dealing with a serious sickness, good or bad outcome doesn't matter, is a very tough experience.
I hope everything goes well.

 

[bin_tenn]

Here's the latest. The primary mass is in what's called the cecum, which is where the small intestine and colon come together, and it's apparently quite large.

He's in constant pain and can't (won't?) eat or drink. My cousin visited there today, and she said he's much worse than just a couple days ago. Very confused, tired, hurting, won't eat/drink, etc. She said he also told her he's basically giving up completely and just letting things happen.

Because of his current state, he didn't go to the oncologist today, as was scheduled. At this point it doesn't seem good at all, and there's likely nothing at all that can even be done other than assisting him in end of life.

My mom is obviously not feeling great about it. She's so worried for him, and sad, etc. The rest of us seem okay, just waiting to see what happens. A few people said they may feel a bit surprised if he lives to the weekend.

 

[EMJ]

What a difficult situation for you all… it sounds like your mom’s husband is afraid… of course it must be terrifying to be told you have cancer … and that this cancer has spread and you might be facing death. His treatment is for him to decide … but I know fear can really wreck the ability to see things clearly… it would be so good if he would see his oncologist but that is ultimately his choice. I know you must be a great support for your mom… I pray for your peace of mind and that things turn around and there is hope left for your family.

 

[bin_tenn]

This is the end of the line for him. He did go to the ER via ambulance last night, and I just got home from visiting. Doctor said his kidneys are shutting down and his liver isn't working. His blood pressure is too low to even attempt dialysis. All they can do now is try and keep him comfortable, and they're moving him to a hospice facility. He's not expected to last a full week from now.

 

[EMJ]

Sending prayers Bin… so difficult… hug your mom lots… she needs your excellent strength…. I hope for you peace of mind and heart.

 

[bigjetplane23]

So sorry to hear this…

 

[bin_tenn]

He passed early this morning. Much quicker than we expected. But hospice had him comfortable as possible.

 

[Fraser]

He passed early this morning. Much quicker than we expected. But hospice had him comfortable as possible.

When I hear multiple organ failure, I think hours not days. Glad you got him to a hospice. Be there for your mother. Also, it's okay to feel very ****** up.

 

[Gooze17]

He passed early this morning. Much quicker than we expected. But hospice had him comfortable as possible.

That was so fast. My heart breaks for you and especially your mom. Can’t imagine what you’re all going through. I’ll include you guys in my prayers. Hope you and your family can get through this

 

[bin_tenn]

When I hear multiple organ failure, I think hours not days. Glad you got him to a hospice. Be there for your mother. Also, it's okay to feel very ****** up.

Indeed. The multiple organ failure I think wasn't really known until yesterday or the night before. And I wasn't aware of it until yesterday.

 

[Iugrad91]

So sorry, Binn. What a rough Thanksgiving. It’s so hard when terrible things happen on or near the holidays, they can be a tough reminder of those that aren’t with us anymore. My thoughts are with you.

 

[EMJ]

Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family … so sorry to hear this sad news.