Do you have enough courage? What trait could you use more of?

[Will Power]

I was thinking this recently. I was kind of bullied the other day in a gym sauna. I didn't respond well. Reflecting on it, I thought I could shown more self belief. And direct eye contact. Polite confrontation?
"Excuse me sir, what do you mean by that remark?" I often think of these things after the event.
And maybe others wouldn't even dwell on it. Making mountains out of molehills again?
Thinkers tend to freeze. Pragmatists say what needs to said and move on.
Thinking about something that becomes preoccupation is not healthy I know.
I think I do lack courage but it's also self belief. If you think you deserve to be treated badly , you will be. Self fulfilling prophecy. My parents had low self esteem. But they were such decent folk.
Anyway. like Deniro in taxi driver...practising tough guy talk in the mirror. Just hope my life doesn't end like that movie.

 

[MATD]

I tend to agree that courage and self belief/confidence in one’s self go hand in hand. The tough part is having the wisdom to know when to use courage in a situation. Rocking the boat when it isn’t needed doesn’t solve anything. That’s where a dose of acceptance can be useful. Do I need to do this? What benefit will it bring? Is it worth it? Did I bring this on myself? We all tend to think we are “justified” in any given situation, but there are always two sides to every story, and then there is the truth. Scenario: fast food restaurant, I ordered what I thought was a burger meal, but when it came, it was chicken. I said I didn’t order chicken, the clerk pointed out what I ordered on the menu board. I had indeed ordered chicken. She apologized for the situation. And my own response surprised me, I said it was my own fault for not having read the board properly. The chicken sandwich will do just fine. Instead of sulking and thinking harsh things, I ate my chicken and enjoyed it. I was proud of myself for my own reaction, which only took a nano second to decide which direction I would go. It gave me a great opportunity to look at myself and my state of mind. My response was worth it, it made a difference to both myself and the clerk. The benefit was that we both worked together, I was able to admit my own fault and the clerk didn’t have to dread the lashing of an unhappy customer. We aren’t always wrong, but we aren’t always right. We are humans that make mistakes, so I’ll apply the Golden Rule here.

 

[Will Power]

I tend to agree that courage and self belief/confidence in one’s self go hand in hand. The tough part is having the wisdom to know when to use courage in a situation. Rocking the boat when it isn’t needed doesn’t solve anything. That’s where a dose of acceptance can be useful. Do I need to do this? What benefit will it bring? Is it worth it? Did I bring this on myself?

We can aspire to improvement at least .

 

[Jonathan123]

Yes indeed. We need to accept ourselves and others as they are, warts and all. No one is perfect, and in life problems will always arise. Why do we think life will be easy? It's like an obstacle course, if we clear one hurdle another is still in the way. But' that's how things are.
If we fight against life then we will certainly feel anxious. 'Give no thought for the morrow', Of course we may need to plan ahead, but with the realisation that nothing on this earth is permanent. 'The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray'. Said Robbie Burns, that great Scottish poet. We can only do our best, and if that is not good enough then maybe we should take a good hard look at ourselves.

 

[Will Power]

Why do we think life will be easy?

I think many of us are idealistic when younger. We think life is based on happy ever after Hollywood movies. If our childhoods were trauma free and parents let us stay at home until young adulthood, we may get a false idea of what life is really like. I remember my first few years away from home were a shock. Barely surviving, paying bills, wondering how the hell I would ever own my own house.

 

[ArgelTal578]

Courage can also be disguised hubris. A mate of mine would keep trying to start fights (which I would have to head off before anything happened) when we used to go out drinking. I said why not just leave it - what do you gain? And he'd say it's a pride thing. I'd say so you could end up beating someone up or getting beaten up just for your pride? What's the point? Sometimes it isn't courage, but foolishness/insecurity in oneself forcing you to act in a stupid way for pride.

A lot of people like to think they should have acted more aggressively or stood up for themselves in confrontations. My experience has been its more important in selecting when/when not to stand up for yourself. Sometimes you have no option, but if you can avoid it you're usually better off. Even in your sauna example, you probably wouldn't gain that much from having an argument, even if they were the one being unreasonable.

 

[Will Power]

Courage can also be disguised hubris. A mate of mine would keep trying to start fights (which I would have to head off before anything happened) when we used to go out drinking. I said why not just leave it - what do you gain? And he'd say it's a pride thing. I'd say so you could end up beating someone up or getting beaten up just for your pride? What's the point? Sometimes it isn't courage, but foolishness/insecurity in oneself forcing you to act in a stupid way for pride.

A lot of people like to think they should have acted more aggressively or stood up for themselves in confrontations. My experience has been its more important in selecting when/when not to stand up for yourself. Sometimes you have no option, but if you can avoid it you're usually better off. Even in your sauna example, you probably wouldn't gain that much from having an argument, even if they were the one being unreasonable.

That's a very wise response. Thanks. Your point of view has made me rethink for sure .